Anonymous wrote:Why are expectations so high on Valentines Day?

If you're dating, because people see it as a "test" of their significant other that is easier to grade than all the actual things that matter when considering a long-term relationship.

If you're married, because you're otherwise unhappy in your marriage and this day brings that sharply into focus so it becomes a bigger deal than it should be.

People who are dating and focusing on the issues they should be thinking about while trying to find someone to marry and have kids with don't care. Neither do happily married people.

It's surprising for a 1st valentines day OP. It could be a different view of that but also maybe different view on where you are on your relationship and different preferences generally about socializing.

I would love that now but we are married 10+ years.

Anonymous wrote:So tell him that “a double date sounds fun! But I have been really excited about our first Valentines and would love for it to be just us. Let’s look at the calendar now and see when we can schedule that double date”

And be aware that he may not like this idea and you guys won't last.

I am a woman and would have probably roller my eyes if my husband had said that while we were dating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He isn’t as serious about the relationship as you are and this is his way of slowing you down.

OP. No, he’s probably a bit more serious about it than me (has started discussing marriage and long term). It’s more that he’s very, very extroverted and social, so for him inviting more people makes things more fun.

Which I’m fine with most of the time, but I’m not into it for our first V Day.

I have a friend like this. The more the merrier! Tell him you want to be alone for dinner, but they can join for the theater since you can't talk during that anyway

A double date Valentines was one of our favorites, 20 years ago.

Yes to including friends. Please don't get the idea that going forward you should be doing stuff only on the actual day. This time it falls on a weekend so the actual day is convenient. And dinner at a restaurant on Valentine's Day is asking for trouble. In short, you're doing it all wrong, so might as well invite friends

I think since you have only been dating for six mos. that you should go for it.

It is a wonderful opportunity for you to meet one of his friends❣️

He's trying to signal to you he does not want to set a precedent of VDay being a huge thing in your relationship.

So tell him that “a double date sounds fun! But I have been really excited about our first Valentines and would love for it to be just us. Let’s look at the calendar now and see when we can schedule that double date”

He doesn’t take Valentines as serious as you do.
Clearly doesn’t want a romantic dinner evening whatever w just the two of you.

Ehhh

Why are expectations so high on Valentines Day?

Anonymous wrote:He isn’t as serious about the relationship as you are and this is his way of slowing you down.

OP. No, he’s probably a bit more serious about it than me (has started discussing marriage and long term). It’s more that he’s very, very extroverted and social, so for him inviting more people makes things more fun.

Which I’m fine with most of the time, but I’m not into it for our first V Day.

He isn’t as serious about the relationship as you are and this is his way of slowing you down.

maybe he's into the friend?

This is the first Valentines Day for my BF and I (dating about 6 months). We’re doing dinner and then a show.

Last night he asked if he could invite a couple he is friends with along with us. My first reaction was no, it’s Valentine’s Day! But I can tell he really wants them to go and maybe already told them they could.

Am I being unreasonable here if I say no? TBH I’m disappointed he even asked, this is the second time I’ve planned a romantic holiday and he ends up inviting a friend.