Anonymous wrote:Does he really want 50% custody?
If he lives close by can’t they go to him every other weekend and he see them during the week for dinners/activities etc without having to sleep there? I know your post isn’t really about custody but if your kids are older I feel like they should have some say.
I agree with PPs that the pets stay in one house.

He says he wants 50% but doesn’t everyone?

Kids are 9, 11, 13. I think they should have a say but in my jurisdiction it depends on the judge and it is not common so it is what it is.

Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable. If the pets are yours they don’t need to go back and forth. Offer to pick up the kids on his day for 30 minutes with you providing transportation or bring the pets to the kids a few minutes a day to a local park or something. If you don’t want him to see the kids ever again, just say that and don’t play games. He is your ex. You cannot control his life anymore not can he control yours. But for the kids best interests you should work with him.

Dogs are his. Were his? He’s “not a dog person anymore”.

Thank you all for your thoughtful advice here. Going to move on from this because I can see that’s the only choice I have.

I'd say let the ex figure this one out. You can't require him to provide a pet-friendly property no matter how much the kids are attached to their animals. The dog and cat will likely adapt to the new routine soon enough.

As another person said, please don't blame your ex for the premature death (which will probably not occur) of these pets. Be civil and kind.

Does he really want 50% custody?
If he lives close by can’t they go to him every other weekend and he see them during the week for dinners/activities etc without having to sleep there? I know your post isn’t really about custody but if your kids are older I feel like they should have some say.
I agree with PPs that the pets stay in one house.

Hopefully your kids an understand that it is best for the dogs to be in one place and have consistency. Particularly a senior dog. Maybe it’s better this way that it’s not even an option to be moving them all around.

You need to help your kids adjust to the new circumstances. Dad's house pets are not allowed. They can express their feelings about that and then you all come up with ways to life life at dad's place without the pets. If they don't want to go to dad's because they don't have a relationship with him, then get them into therapy. Therapy may be useful during this time regardless of the pet issue. You can't expect your ex to move because of the pet issue.

Please don't bring your pets into this drama. They don't know what's going on and you're making it another point of contention that your kids will certainly sense. Be a grown up.

You are being unreasonable. If the pets are yours they don’t need to go back and forth. Offer to pick up the kids on his day for 30 minutes with you providing transportation or bring the pets to the kids a few minutes a day to a local park or something. If you don’t want him to see the kids ever again, just say that and don’t play games. He is your ex. You cannot control his life anymore not can he control yours. But for the kids best interests you should work with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is sad. I wouldn’t even try to send the pets over there. Animals are very attached to their environment and it will create havoc to move them. It’s hard enough on the kids, let alone pets. Protect their pets by letting them stay in one home.
I’m sorry your kids have to go through this.

Thank you for your kindness. It is so sad. As it is the cat basically comes near death when “their” child goes to a week of sleepaway camp. I’m not sure if they’ll survive multiple absences long enough to adapt. Cats are so fragile. The senior dog goes on hunger strikes but makes up for it later so I’m less worried about him.

Are you going to blame your ex for the premature deaths of your pets?

If you're thinking in that direction, please stop yourself now.

It sounds like you're transferring a lot of your sadness and resentment over your divorce towards this pet issue.

Your pets are elderly and even a happy, intact household would not protect them from stress and suffering. Your ex is not at fault for choosing housing that suits him. Elderly pets do not do well moving around anyway. Your kids will be in school and activities regardless, and might not be around when their pets want them, even if you were all in the one house.

To answer your question, it is entirely unreasonable to ask your ex to pick another home, because his choices as a human being are more important; AND because an elderly pet should not be moved.

Even if pets were allowed, OP, it's not good for senior animals to be moved like this. A lot of younger, healthy dogs are fine with travel, but usually not cats, of any age and health status.

Your kids will see their pets 50% of the time in your home. To be brutally honest, I think you're making a big deal out of a small issue.

When my oldest comes home from college, do you know who he is most happy to see? Our dog. Such is life.

Yeah, we share custody of our dog. He travels with the kids back and forth. We already had a vacation home so the dog was used to that.

It was basically up to me; he ran out on me for another woman and for the first few months I kept the dog 100% of the time so I wouldn't feel lonely. But then I began to want a break from walking him etc. So I'm happy for my ex to have his time with the dog too.

Anonymous wrote:That is sad. I wouldn’t even try to send the pets over there. Animals are very attached to their environment and it will create havoc to move them. It’s hard enough on the kids, let alone pets. Protect their pets by letting them stay in one home.
I’m sorry your kids have to go through this.

Thank you for your kindness. It is so sad. As it is the cat basically comes near death when “their” child goes to a week of sleepaway camp. I’m not sure if they’ll survive multiple absences long enough to adapt. Cats are so fragile. The senior dog goes on hunger strikes but makes up for it later so I’m less worried about him.

That is sad. I wouldn’t even try to send the pets over there. Animals are very attached to their environment and it will create havoc to move them. It’s hard enough on the kids, let alone pets. Protect their pets by letting them stay in one home.
I’m sorry your kids have to go through this.

My STBX moved out and immediately rented a very expensive property. It’s beautiful and brand new and relatively close to our house, but it does not allow pets.

When he was looking for a place, there were similarly priced and less expensive places that did allow pets, but they weren’t brand new, which apparently was a dealbreaker.

Not my business, except he is now demanding 50% custody after being out of the kids’ life for months. My kids don’t want to go there but understand it’s required. However, they’re despondent about living half their lives without their pets. They’ve always grown up with their dogs and one of our dogs is a senior dog now. The cat is very attached to one of the kids and vice versa.

Has anyone found a way for their kids to go back and forth with beloved pets? I’m at the point of trying to negotiate DH leasing another place when this lease is up or demanding less custody so the kids don’t have to be away from their pets. I know pets aren’t children and it’s not really equivalent, but it feels like separating siblings from each other.