Anonymous wrote:You say things like "nosedive" and "very low self confidence and often feels frustrated with himself" and are worried about side effects?? That MIGHT come up? And might not?

You are setting your kid up to fail. And to eventually self medicate the wrong way.

Get the kid some meds, for the love of god. IF there are undesirable side effects - try another med, or try to mitigate them, and TALK TO HIM about what he prefers.

+1

I have a late diagnosed boy - was never a behavior problem, basically failed 9th grade, then tested. He is currently a senior. At this age, his self confidence is shattered, he is fairly resistant to any supports, including medications, but absolutely self medicates and has school refusal and subclinical anxiety and depression.

You are doing so much better by working with this at a younger age, don't turn him against medication or any other support.

Have you even consulted with a doctor to get an accurate idea of the side effects you are worried about? There are SO MANY studies and peer-reviewed papers discussing the short and long-term benefits and effects of ADHD medication.

Given the documented issues your child is having, I cannot fathom why are you aren’t exploring medication with a doctor. To be clear, mediation is most effective when combined with parent training and lifestyle choices like healthy eating and ensuring sufficient sleep. But having your kid eat more vegetables and getting enough sleep alone aren’t going to enable your kid to function at the same level as his neurotypical classmates. It just won’t. ADHD is a genetic condition that affects the brain’s ability to transmit, receive and regulate dopamine and norepinephrine which impairs executive functioning. EF is at the core of nearly everything we do. If your child inherited a genetic condition that affected his ability to hear or walk—or some other critical aspect of life that he needs nearly every hour of every day—you’d explore medication and treatment right?

Look, all of the non-medication options you’ve employed to date aren’t working. Your kid’s self-esteem is plummeting. There isn’t an endless list of non-medication options that have an established success rates. So consult with your pediatrician or get on the waitlist for a psychiatrist and find out what medication options are out there and what the proven side effects might be, how you might be able to mitigate them, and whether the benefits to your child outweigh the side effects.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he had leukemia would you be against chemotherapy because of the side effects?

NP. But we are facing a similar situation. DC refuses to take medication for a variety of reasons.

PP here, everyone with harsh, judgmental tones should keep in mind that it is BEYOND difficult to find a good psychiatrist and even if you find one you may not be able to get in within a year or two or be able to afford them. Also keep in mind that parents of kids with adhd are very l ikely to have it themselves so on top of working and childrearing and house responsibilities, it becomes really incredibly hard to find a care provider and have patience for the months and months of trials with meds. It’s just so hard. Just wanted to throw some sympathy out there for OP.

Huh? That is just not the case. a) we're talking about ADHD meds, which any pediatrician will prescribe. b) you can find a psych NP very easily. c) expensive? Again, if you use a psych NP, they're covered by your health plan.

I’m a teacher and I have a few students with documented adhd whose parents don’t medicate and I have a hard time understanding why.

These are such sweet kids who end up in trouble because of impulse control. They can’t always pay attention to directions to understand what is going on. If they distract others they hear their name called constantly.

Teaching is hard right now, most kids lack a good attention span do to an overload of screens (at school and at home) and immediate gratification. So if your kid is an outlier then it’s probably pretty bad. I don’t think there’s much you can do without meds besides focusing on maximizing his sleep and his nutrition and minimizing screens. Get him into a heavy sport like swimming multiple days a week?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he had leukemia would you be against chemotherapy because of the side effects?

NP. But we are facing a similar situation. DC refuses to take medication for a variety of reasons.

PP here, everyone with harsh, judgmental tones should keep in mind that it is BEYOND difficult to find a good psychiatrist and even if you find one you may not be able to get in within a year or two or be able to afford them. Also keep in mind that parents of kids with adhd are very l ikely to have it themselves so on top of working and childrearing and house responsibilities, it becomes really incredibly hard to find a care provider and have patience for the months and months of trials with meds. It’s just so hard. Just wanted to throw some sympathy out there for OP.

Anonymous wrote:If he had leukemia would you be against chemotherapy because of the side effects?

NP. But we are facing a similar situation. DC refuses to take medication for a variety of reasons.

Meds. Work with a good professional until you hit the right mix/dosage.

Anonymous wrote:If he had leukemia would you be against chemotherapy because of the side effects?

This.

You say things like "nosedive" and "very low self confidence and often feels frustrated with himself" and are worried about side effects?? That MIGHT come up? And might not?

You are setting your kid up to fail. And to eventually self medicate the wrong way.

Get the kid some meds, for the love of god. IF there are undesirable side effects - try another med, or try to mitigate them, and TALK TO HIM about what he prefers.

If he doesn’t have behavioral issues, which it sounds like he doesn’t, but just struggles with executive functioning in school, I don’t think you need to medicate in 5th grade. You can help with executive functioning issues with the right support, coaches, IEP, etc.

My DS takes a stimulant but my thoughts on moving forward without one.

Exercise- daily and rigorous
Coffee - yep, a morning cup or two

Given what OP described, I don’t know what else besides giving him time to mature in the hopes that helps some.

If he had leukemia would you be against chemotherapy because of the side effects?

Do the benefits of the medication outweigh the side effects?

For both of my kids, medication was the only thing that helped. DS started at 5 and has learned to manage without--he's 15 now. DD started at 8 and she's still taking Adderall. She's 19 now.

Both kids know how the meds make them feel and help or hinder and adjust as needed. I acknowledge you don't want to medicate but there really isn't any other consistent option. the teachers are telling you they are trying to help but cannot reach him. Work ramps up in MS as does class size which means even less direct instruction.

Medicating now doesn't mean forever.

Homeschool or medicate. I’m not sure what else you can reasonable expect teachers to do while having a whole classroom to manage.

DS is 11 and in 5th grade and has extreme inattentiveness. We just had his IEP meeting and as the demands and responsibility has increased in preparation for middle school, he seems to be in a nosedive. According to teachers:
-needs oversight for all independent work to initiate, stay working, and complete
-does not read instructions for any assignment or reference the board for do first/when done information. He will ask what to do, or where to turn in his paper, or what to do next when it has already been reviewed and is on the board.
-because he cannot attend for all of the teacher's lesson, he needs the lessons reviewed most days in order to know what to do
-often appears to be daydreaming if he's not working directly with a teacher and when reminded to return to his work or pay attention, shakes his head like he's "waking up" and then doesn't know what's going on.
-has difficulty locating needed papers in his folders- they are in the folders but he needs teacher help to find them. This is in classes with structured colored folder system so he puts the item in the correct place, but then can't pull it back out most of the time without help.
-he has memory issues as well, when there is a change in routine such as a different pickup after school he cannot remember even when reminded as he is leaving the classroom, and goes to the usual after school location vs. what he was told was different that day.

He's got a very low self confidence and often feels frustrated with himself because he wants to do well and pay attention, but he just can't do it any more than he is.

The teachers have mentioned discussing this with the pediatrician but as of now, we are against using medication due to the side effects we are worried about. The teachers are working with him, and he has an IEP for ADHD and is behind because of missing a lot of the instruction. But, the teachers are saying they can't teach him to pay better attention since he isn't aware that he is even losing focus when he daydreams or isn't listening other than constant reminders and check-ins with him.

Any thoughts? We are very worried for middle school at this rate.