Anonymous wrote:PP and during my quiet quit I went on a trip to nurse and elderly relative. DH brought it up repeatedly during divorce proceedings as evidence that I wasn’t a team player because I came home and was frustrated that there was no food in the house for the kids and none of the usual weekly chores had been touched, like laundry. We were in the middle of formal mediation and he was whining that my expectations weren’t fair. This was a man on the road 100 days or more per year for work who also took 3-4 friend trips per year and visited his parents frequently.

This made me realize that quiet quitting was never going to be a wake up call or “train” my DH to step up. He knew exactly what he’d been doing all along and saw it as his right within the marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP and during my quiet quit, I went on a trip to nurse and elderly relative. DH brought it up repeatedly during divorce proceedings as evidence that I wasn’t a team player, because I came home frustrated that there was no food in the house for the kids and that none of the usual weekly chores had been done, like laundry. We were in the middle of formal mediation, and he was whining that my expectations weren’t fair. This was a man on the road 100 days or more per year for work who also took 3-4 friend trips per year and visited his parents frequently.

This made me realize that quiet quitting was never going to be a wake up call or “train” my DH to step up. He knew exactly what he’d been doing all along and saw it as his right within the marriage.

Is your life better now after the divorce? My situation is very similar with DH’s travel.

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you just divorce or set healthy boundaries? Quiet quitting seems like the worst option.

My Dh has def not done his fair share over the years and I’ve had to push back. We’ve also done counseling. Unfortunately, I think most men don’t collaborate/partner/share the load equally. It sucks. So, you can push on him to be a real partner or you can divorce.

Quiet quitting would just make me more resentful. I mean, are you having sex with someone you detest? I also think quiet quithing is a horrible relationship to model for your kids.

Anonymous wrote:I’m talking about emotionally detaching and reducing effort in the marriage to the bare minimum. I’m burnt out from a full-time job and being the default parent. At the end of the day, my kids, clients, and husband take everything I have to give, leaving nothing for me. I’m sick of all his “work” conferences, dinners, and pleasure trips while I’m breaking my back at work and at home. I’m just done. He adds no value to my life anymore. I’m calendaring my own solo bucket-list trips this year. I’m not communicating with him outside of necessary parenting. I’m dropping the rope on anything related to his family. I’m investing my time and income in myself, my kids, and my friendships. He gets nothing from me. How long can this last? Long enough to finish raising kids? I won’t exactly be sad if it leads to divorce, so fear of divorce is not motivating me to keep trying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought the “quiet quitting” trend was during Covid.

I don't think this is a trend, it's just a cute new name. It's a truism that by the time a woman tells a man she's leaving, she's tried and tried and tried to fix things, grown resentful, given up, and cannot be won back. Men threaten divorce as a tactic to bring women into line, women just leave when they're completely out of (&#s to give.

I feel badly for the women going through this but I also don't think it's anything new or trendy.

Anonymous wrote:I thought the “quiet quitting” trend was during Covid.

Anonymous wrote:PP and during my quiet quit I went on a trip to nurse and elderly relative. DH brought it up repeatedly during divorce proceedings as evidence that I wasn’t a team player because I came home and was frustrated that there was no food in the house for the kids and none of the usual weekly chores had been touched, like laundry. We were in the middle of formal mediation and he was whining that my expectations weren’t fair. This was a man on the road 100 days or more per year for work who also took 3-4 friend trips per year and visited his parents frequently.

This made me realize that quiet quitting was never going to be a wake up call or “train” my DH to step up. He knew exactly what he’d been doing all along and saw it as his right within the marriage.