Wow. I didn’t realize it, but out of my friends, co-workers, kids’ friends parents, etc., I can only think of 2 families with 3+ kids where both parents work full time. Both have moms that are teachers at the school where the kids go to school.
I know another couple with six kids that also owns a pretty intense business, but their business and home-life are so blended, and it’s such a non-traditional work/life balance that I’m not sure if it’s helpful.

Anonymous wrote:My SIL and BIL had a nanny for their 4 kids. They always said they couldn't have made it without her.

+1 This. Once people have 3 kids, a nanny becomes the much needed third parent for those couples with demanding jobs who can afford it.

My SIL and BIL had a nanny for their 4 kids. They always said they couldn't have made it without her.

Yes: we have three, 11, 9, and 3. DH works from home FT (maybe has an in person meeting every 2-3 months), and I am hybrid, averaging 2 days a week in office. Both of us have understanding supervisors/the ability to be flexible. I am very organized. We make a good HHI (over 300k) and the schools are close to our house. It is for these reasons that we are able to make it work.

Summer is challenging with camp drop offs and pick up’s not aligning with the workdays, but still okay.

We have three and both always worked full time. We used daycare. That was pretty much the only thing we outsourced was a house cleaner.

We’re Very organized and good about sharing the work that needs to be done around the house and with the kids, though we have our own way of dividing things that works for us. Like I do everything kid related and ask when I need something, which seems like it doesn’t work for most people. Plus even though we have big jobs we’re pretty easy going and don’t get stressed very easily.

Anything is POSSIBLE. You know best what your family can handle.

FWIW, our neighbors are working parents with 6 kids, and the younger ones (elementary age) are always at other people's houses asking to be entertained/fed. The older kids (HS age) are supposed to be watching them, but teenagers being teenagers it doesn't happen.

We have 5 kids ranging from 12 to almost 2 y/o twins and both work ft outside the home (federal employees). Idk many people at all in my situation. Our days are long and by Wednesday/Thursday, I am tapped out.

Most of my money is spent on childcare, but I still feel like its not worth quitting since I am able to contribute to my retirement and other investment accounts. It does help that both of our jobs are understanding of issues that may arise with the kids. I just want to set a good foundation so that I do have the option to scale back when they are a little older.

I know a few, but it definitely helps if things like working from home or flexible schedules are on the table.

I know a few families who are in this boat. Two of them have an au pair for their older kids (in elementary school) to handle drop off, pick up, and care/activities after school. They also have a full-time nanny for their kid who isn’t school-age yet. Another family I know has a nanny for their baby and who handles school pick up/afternoons/activities for the older kids. They also have local grandparents. One parent works remote but travels a lot for work.

People make it work, but it’s definitely logistically complicated and they talk to me about how their lives can feel like a house of cards - one change (kid sick, etc) can make it feel like the careful arrangements all come tumbling down.

So we have 3 kids and both worked full time until my youngest turned 8, at which point our financial circumstances changed enough that I stopped working.

I don’t think 3 is harder than 2, just more physical labor, especially when they are young. We made enough money to afford good child care, which was the hardest thing to focus on when they were young (before elementary school).

I always expected to work FT and did not want to be a SAHP - I enjoyed my career and my DH enjoys his. A couple of things shifted as DC1 entered elementary school - DH moved to the private sector and a higher salary, which we had never discussed when we were having kids (it also came with more work demands), and it became clear DC1 had a learning disability.

We were still able to manage it for a lot of years, but at some point DH made enough money that my salary didn’t contribute as much, and I was feeling bad at all the things my kids were missing out on when I worked until 4 (home by 5) but DH worked longer hours (until 9 most nights). I finally quit with DC1 entering middle school.

I think if DH had stayed in his regular job with regular hours, I would still be working and we could balance it between the two of us - kids are each in a couple of activities, we just aren’t e careful to not overlap the times, and can carpool if needed. DC1 needed intensive tutoring for a few years, but then it was done (this was while I was working). I don’t remember it being super stressful, just constantly busy.

I think a lot of stress of parenting (excluding a significant special need) is about the personality of the parents. I’m a calm, type A personality (like to be busy, organized, and efficient but I don’t get worked up very much) and I see that I am less stressed than more anxious parents that have one or two kids. I am the same at work, in emergencies, etc., so maybe just consider what your likely approach would be if you had another kid.

We had a 3rd child when my work was 100% remote, but knew I'd be going in 1-2 days a week later. I completely lost all telework last year and my workload tripled. DH never had telework.

DH and I can't make our lives work anymore. We both have short 15 min commutes, but we're constantly missing events. We pulled our kids from nearly all activities and they're in aftercare until 5/5:30 now. Picking up 3 kids at 3 places is time consuming. We stagger our schedules, but it just means dh isn't home for dinner anymore. We're really hopeful that we'll get some flexibility in our schedules again or that I get a day or two of telework. Even teleworking around kid doctor appointments would be incredible. To be fair, our youngest isn't the issue, it's the public school system that's the issue. We dread when our youngest leaves the wonderful, always open daycare. Public school just cannot open 5 days a week and somehow thinks we have enough annual leave to make up for this.

Long story short- 3 kids only works with flexible jobs. And someone needs telework. We wouldn't have had a 3rd kid if we knew our works would be the hell that they are now.

We have 3 teens (5 year range from oldest to youngest) and have both always worked FT, though with relatively short commutes and generally regular hours.

This is typical among the families in our neighborhood that we know with 3+ kids.

I work with 4 people (2 men, 2 women) who each have 3 kids and both spouses working FT (although one may have had a SAH spouse when the kids were preschoolers).

It seems doable, although i will caution that in all 4 cases, the men seem to be very hands-on, all-in parents. AFAIK, none of them has extended family help on a regular basis.

How old are your children? Any special needs? Do you have backup?

I am considering a 3rd but we both work full time. Is it even possible? Every family I know with 3+ has one parent who stays at home or works part time.