Anonymous wrote:I’m a 40 year old woman in a committed relationship with a 30 year old man. We’re talking marriage and have started looking at houses together.

To be blunt, it sounds like you’re not actually communicating with men and you’re making assumptions. For example, your story about the man you dated who never mentioned children, so you never thought about them or talked about them - that’s very, very odd. Most women do think about whether or not they want kids, and do bring it up to men they are dating.

The reality is that most men want sex no matter what age you are. I remember in my 20s, it was extremely common to sleep with a guy you liked and then never hear from him again. Most men just want sex, no matter what age you or he are.

What does get better as you age: your ability to filter through men and weed out the ones who aren’t to be taken seriously. And also your ability to communicate what you want and what your standards are.

Sounds like you’re using OLD? Most men on there just want sex. It’s true now at 40, and it was true back when we were 25. I went through several thousand profiles before I found my current BF. You need to have a better system for filtering out eligible men so you aren’t wasting your time on the ones who don’t want a relationship. Read about the burn the haystack method. If a guy gets sexual, immediately block and move on. Don’t waste your energy getting angry at him, it’s not worth it. Most men are dogs.

The fact that you are THIS worked up over a few losers on a dating app who want a hookup shows me your energy is in the wrong place. That kind of energy actively repels good men. Not that you’re against hookups, but that you have a chip on your shoulder about men. That comes across in your vibe and how you communicate, and good men will be put off by it. You also sound quite passive in advocating for what you want.

I can give more advice on OLD profiles and how to message men if you’d like. I found that the older I got, the more higher quality men I attracted on OLD.

Anonymous wrote:Op, it all depends on what you are bringing to the table. If you don't make enough money, not good looking or can produce kids then you are only good for sex and so he thinks the same way.

also, I have found women in 40s to be very confused. Some of them want relationship but on their terms on how deep they want to go, others give fake promises on marriage, commitment but then takes it away. Some are still emotionally unavailable and most of the decent ones are FWBs in their 40s. There is nothing wrong with it but if you want an LTR then stop playing games and adjust/compromise if you find a good guy. He is doing the same.

Anonymous wrote:Because I am not. But I keep getting asked by men online and it's actually the younger men who don't even mention sex but the older ones. I mean over 35. Just have a booty call in mind. I guess booty call today is situationship but I don't want that either. I just want a relationship but it seems that people on here also have that mentality that woman over 40. Just want a booty call

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man who is 35, in general, wants a woman who can have children. He is not going to want to be in a serious relationship with a woman in her 40s for this reason, so if he is attracted to the older woman, it's going to be a sex/short-term thing.

Now hoards of posters will respond to say that younger men all yearn to date and marry a woman too old to give them a family, but they are wrong. There are exceptions, but for the most part, you need to be looking at men who already have kids or are older, if you want a real relationship.

Otherwise, just have fun.

I mean I'm the op. My 44-year-old cousin just gave birth. I think it's pretty ignorant of men to view wonen as birthing machines. They want a family so badly they can adopt or get a surrogate. Also, another reason this ticks me off is because I was in a long relationship with a man in my thirties who never discussed children but he wanted to get married but he never mentioned children so he would cheat and since he never mentioned them, I never thought about them either. I wanted to have kids with someone I love but for me love comes before kids so I want to be in love with someone before thinking of having a family and I would think a man who's over 35 thinks the same thing if they are mature enough which it seems most are not.

This is not how it works, and it is very selfish. A man who wants to have his own children with his wife is "pretty ignorant" for not being just as open to marrying a 40+ women because he can just..."adopt or get a surrogate" if the woman can't conceive? It isn't "viewing women as birthing machines" for him to want kids with a wife, to want a traditional family.

How is it selfish? You have to be in love before you get married or have a family right? So people fall in love with others who are completely different from them either in religion, race or age. And yes any man has that option to pick whatever woman they want, even one they might not have deep feelings for so why would they assume or disrespect a woman over 40 and just view her as a booty call?? Sounds like they just want to use and abuse.

You think that a man who wants a family with a wife, and thus steers away from dating seriously dating women in their 40s is showing "disrespect" to those women and that he just wants to "use and abuse"?

I really think therapy might be a good choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man who is 35, in general, wants a woman who can have children. He is not going to want to be in a serious relationship with a woman in her 40s for this reason, so if he is attracted to the older woman, it's going to be a sex/short-term thing.

Now hoards of posters will respond to say that younger men all yearn to date and marry a woman too old to give them a family, but they are wrong. There are exceptions, but for the most part, you need to be looking at men who already have kids or are older, if you want a real relationship.

Otherwise, just have fun.

I mean I'm the op. My 44-year-old cousin just gave birth. I think it's pretty ignorant of men to view wonen as birthing machines. They want a family so badly they can adopt or get a surrogate. Also, another reason this ticks me off is because I was in a long relationship with a man in my thirties who never discussed children but he wanted to get married but he never mentioned children so he would cheat and since he never mentioned them, I never thought about them either. I wanted to have kids with someone I love but for me love comes before kids so I want to be in love with someone before thinking of having a family and I would think a man who's over 35 thinks the same thing if they are mature enough which it seems most are not.

This is not how it works, and it is very selfish. A man who wants to have his own children with his wife is "pretty ignorant" for not being just as open to marrying a 40+ women because he can just..."adopt or get a surrogate" if the woman can't conceive? It isn't "viewing women as birthing machines" for him to want kids with a wife, to want a traditional family.

How is it selfish? You have to be in love before you get married or have a family right? So people fall in love with others who are completely different from them either in religion, race or age. And yes any man has that option to pick whatever woman they want, even one they might not have deep feelings for so why would they assume or disrespect a woman over 40 and just view her as a booty call?? Sounds like they just want to use and abuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man who is 35, in general, wants a woman who can have children. He is not going to want to be in a serious relationship with a woman in her 40s for this reason, so if he is attracted to the older woman, it's going to be a sex/short-term thing.

Now hoards of posters will respond to say that younger men all yearn to date and marry a woman too old to give them a family, but they are wrong. There are exceptions, but for the most part, you need to be looking at men who already have kids or are older, if you want a real relationship.

Otherwise, just have fun.

I mean I'm the op. My 44-year-old cousin just gave birth. I think it's pretty ignorant of men to view wonen as birthing machines. They want a family so badly they can adopt or get a surrogate. Also, another reason this ticks me off is because I was in a long relationship with a man in my thirties who never discussed children but he wanted to get married but he never mentioned children so he would cheat and since he never mentioned them, I never thought about them either. I wanted to have kids with someone I love but for me love comes before kids so I want to be in love with someone before thinking of having a family and I would think a man who's over 35 thinks the same thing if they are mature enough which it seems most are not.

This is not how it works, and it is very selfish. A man who wants to have his own children with his wife is "pretty ignorant" for not being just as open to marrying a 40+ women because he can just..."adopt or get a surrogate" if the woman can't conceive? It isn't "viewing women as birthing machines" for him to want kids with a wife, to want a traditional family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man who is 35, in general, wants a woman who can have children. He is not going to want to be in a serious relationship with a woman in her 40s for this reason, so if he is attracted to the older woman, it's going to be a sex/short-term thing.

Now hoards of posters will respond to say that younger men all yearn to date and marry a woman too old to give them a family, but they are wrong. There are exceptions, but for the most part, you need to be looking at men who already have kids or are older, if you want a real relationship.

Otherwise, just have fun.

I mean I'm the op. My 44-year-old cousin just gave birth. I think it's pretty ignorant of men to view wonen as birthing machines. They want a family so badly they can adopt or get a surrogate. Also, another reason this ticks me off is because I was in a long relationship with a man in my thirties who never discussed children but he wanted to get married but he never mentioned children so he would cheat and since he never mentioned them, I never thought about them either. I wanted to have kids with someone I love but for me love comes before kids so I want to be in love with someone before thinking of having a family and I would think a man who's over 35 thinks the same thing if they are mature enough which it seems most are not.

Anonymous wrote:A man who is 35, in general, wants a woman who can have children. He is not going to want to be in a serious relationship with a woman in her 40s for this reason, so if he is attracted to the older woman, it's going to be a sex/short-term thing.

Now hoards of posters will respond to say that younger men all yearn to date and marry a woman too old to give them a family, but they are wrong. There are exceptions, but for the most part, you need to be looking at men who already have kids or are older, if you want a real relationship.

Otherwise, just have fun.