I think you need a long block of alone time guaranteed each weekend. Like 3 hours Saturday morning. He takes the kids elsewhere. Guaranteed. Introverts need time alone at home.

Why are you on your own with them? Is your DH working long hours to shirk parenting?

Noise canceling headphones are really good. It just mutes all the background noise and stops it from sucking your bandwidth, but you can still hear anything that's right in front of you, or loud.

If your kids are 5 or older, stop coming to them when they call. Say "If you need me, come to me". That should lighten your load of walking around and then constantly yelling for you.

Give your DH a hard stop time that is the same every evening. Like, 10 pm, you are upstairs in bed and not available to talk. Tell him to hire a babysitter so that the two of you can have a nice long talk.

Working out in the morning might give you alone time and help you stay awake to listen to DH.

I’m very much an introvert. I like to socialize with friends very much and I love my kids but they both have ADHD and talk ALL THE TIME and I am on my own with them a fair amount after work. I am fried by the end of the day and I really need some alone time each night or I literally cannot sleep. My husband doesn’t understand this or he does in theory but still complains we don’t have time to talk ever, which is not true but he would clearly like more. I thought it would get better as the kids get older but it’s actually getting harder because they are asleep for less time! I have been making a big effort to let my husband talk at me particularly because I know he is stressed about stuff with his family of origin but I feel like I am reaching a breaking point. I have asked him to limit the number of evenings I have to hear about the family drama because for a while it was literally every night for an hour and it was going nowhere and he’s been making some effort but it’s not enough. I only ever get to quietly be alone if I get up crazy early (and then he’s annoyed I’m tired that evening or occasionally I end up avoiding him completely because I just can’t take it and basically waiting to go to bed until he’s asleep. It’s clearly not good for our marriage but I am exhausted and my brain feels like it’s going to explode.

How do other people handle this? I am thinking of trying to take a step back at work to be more of an individual contributor again so I might have a little more bandwidth in the evenings but I know that will be a battle.