Anonymous wrote:Nothing in your OP substantiates the claim that this person is “mean”.

“obsessed with her image, constantly posting to social media” This behavior may be vain, shallow, and not someone who you want to be friends with. But it is not necessarily mean or even rude.

It’s not clear what your issue is with this woman, but regardless you are not compelled to be friends with people who you don’t want to be friends with.

+1

I noticed this as well.

So often around here "I feel insecure around them" = "mean girl." Which is mean in and of itself.

Anonymous wrote:What exactly do they want? I had someone I thought was a friend, and she turned out to be kind of a mean girl, obsessed with her image, constantly posting to social media. I distanced myself and maybe a few months passed. Now she has started inviting me to things, acting all chummy at events we both happen to be at (kids go to same school, fundraisers, etc).

I have responded politely and make conversation but don’t want to get burned again so have kept some distance. In my life, not much has changed so I’m not sure why she seems to be trying to win me over again. What’s her motive?

How is she a mean girl?

Why do you think she is obsessed with her image?

Why are you noticing her constantly posting to social media if you're not also on there constantly?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing in your OP substantiates the claim that this person is “mean”.

“obsessed with her image, constantly posting to social media” This behavior may be vain, shallow, and not someone who you want to be friends with. But it is not necessarily mean or even rude.

It’s not clear what your issue is with this woman, but regardless you are not compelled to be friends with people who you don’t want to be friends with.

I think what OP means is that she seems to put social status competitiveness and status signaling over caring about the people she is friends with. For some us, people who value those things tend to tromp on and manipulate those of us are who are looking for an actual exchange of feelings.

OP just keep saying no, eventually she will more on to someone else. She is sensing your hesitation and thinking she can persuade you into what she needs again. You can get ensnared or be more direct and say “I’m really not interested in XXX. I don’t have time to devote to it, but good luck!” Or something along those lines.

This is good advice.

While it's possible that OP is misjudging this woman, if you've gotten drawn in by someone like this (socially competitive and transactional) in the past, it can make you extra cautious. The issue is in the distance between how someone behaves towards you and their actual intentions. People who are extremely status conscious and obsessed with surface appearances tend not to be loyal or reliable. But they will be SO nice and solicitous when you first meet them, and if you aren't looking for it, you can get drawn in and then get very hurt when they decide it's more expedient for them to ditch you, gossip about you, etc. It sucks.

Agree the key is to stay polite but distant. If you never let her in and keep her at acquaintance level, she can't burn you.

Anonymous wrote:What did she do that was mean girl? Being obsessed with her image and posting on social media is not mean girl. Don't be friends with her if you don't want to be, but that's not a mean girl.

I think what OP means is that she seems to put social status, competitiveness and status signaling over caring about the people she is friends with. For some us, people who value those things tend to tromp on and manipulate those of us are who are looking for an actual exchange of feelings.

What did she do that was mean girl? Being obsessed with her image and posting on social media is not mean girl. Don't be friends with her if you don't want to be, but that's not a mean girl.

People who want to be popular like to keep other popular people in their network. They do not want you to get too far away from them that they don't know what you are doing/dating, etc. Just be polite but keep your distance.

Anonymous wrote:From my experience: She wants you to be part of her “network” so she can ask you for favors, fundraising, etc. But she is not really interested in being your friend.

+1. Probably needs help for a committee or something.

From my experience: She wants you to be part of her “network” so she can ask you for favors, fundraising, etc. But she is not really interested in being your friend.

Anonymous wrote:Nothing in your OP substantiates the claim that this person is “mean”.

“obsessed with her image, constantly posting to social media” This behavior may be vain, shallow, and not someone who you want to be friends with. But it is not necessarily mean or even rude.

It’s not clear what your issue is with this woman, but regardless you are not compelled to be friends with people who you don’t want to be friends with.

I think what OP means is that she seems to put social status competitiveness and status signaling over caring about the people she is friends with. For some us, people who value those things tend to tromp on and manipulate those of us are who are looking for an actual exchange of feelings.

OP just keep saying no, eventually she will more on to someone else. She is sensing your hesitation and thinking she can persuade you into what she needs again. You can get ensnared or be more direct and say “I’m really not interested in XXX. I don’t have time to devote to it, but good luck!” Or something along those lines.

You should just distance yourself.

Maybe she realized what a mean friend she had been…

But I agree w/you - that it is best not to get too close to her again since she burned you already.

Nothing in your OP substantiates the claim that this person is “mean”.

“obsessed with her image, constantly posting to social media” This behavior may be vain, shallow, and not someone who you want to be friends with. But it is not necessarily mean or even rude.

It’s not clear what your issue is with this woman, but regardless you are not compelled to be friends with people who you don’t want to be friends with.

You wrote "fundraisers". She would probably like to start leading committees and post her fundraising success on social media. You might have money directly, or you might serve as a stepping stone where she can weasel money from your husband if she flirts with him enough.

Sorry OP. What was the nature of the mean things she was doing? That might help to understand what’s going on here.

What exactly do they want? I had someone I thought was a friend, and she turned out to be kind of a mean girl, obsessed with her image, constantly posting to social media. I distanced myself and maybe a few months passed. Now she has started inviting me to things, acting all chummy at events we both happen to be at (kids go to same school, fundraisers, etc).

I have responded politely and make conversation but don’t want to get burned again so have kept some distance. In my life, not much has changed so I’m not sure why she seems to be trying to win me over again. What’s her motive?