So this is his second DUI. He could do serious time or weekend time depending on the jurisdiction. His next DUI could be a felony

Oh boy, I’m really sorry. Sounds much like my DH but somehow he hasn’t has as many DUIs.

This is very much a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation.

I have stayed due to fears about him getting 50% custody. As someone else said, my DH looks great on paper (at least enough so that he would get 50%). I opted to stay, as I can more easily control his interactions with the kids this way.

I’d put an immediate foot down on (1) driving with the kids in the car and (2) driving after drinking at all. Given this is his 4th DUI, I’d imagine that legally there will be restrictions.

There's not much you can do if you divorce and he gets even 10% custody, let alone 50%. He could be stone cold sober when he picks your son up and then go on a bender.

Anonymous wrote:Please talk to a lawyer. You deserve accurate legal advice about this.

This. Call a family/custody lawyer on Monday.

Anonymous wrote:Do not let your son in the car when he is driving. Since it seems so far he has zero convictions for DWI, it isn't going to be held against him and woudn't factor into the custody. Hopefully this one sticks and is on record as a DWI conviction.

Do you mean when he is drinking/drunk? Clearly, OP would not.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you people have children with such creeps??

Stop !

Most don't start out as creeps, at least outwardly.

Its in your and the kids best interest for this one to be a conviction.

.217 is likely blacked out and vomiting levels of drunk. I know this because my exhusband got one a few months ago at .22 and he does have the kids half the time.

Do not let your son in the car when he is driving. Since it seems so far he has zero convictions for DWI, it isn't going to be held against him and woudn't factor into the custody. Hopefully this one sticks and is on record as a DWI conviction.

Why do you people have children with such creeps??

Stop !

I sympathize, OP. My autistic husband was psychologically abusive towards our autistic son when he was little. I could not divorce. My husband is an MD/PhD and looks great on paper. He would have insisted on 50% custody. Like a PP, he's gotten better with the years, but the damage has been done. I've tried to mitigate it and have always defended my son tooth and nail.

Insist on being your son's sole driver. I would still consult discreetly, a divorce lawyer to inquire how many DUIs or similar it would take for a parent to be denied custody, and what you could do going forward.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get what you are saying. DH had a bad temper when my kids were young and I seriously considered leaving but stayed because I worried about him being unsupervised with the kids 50% of the time. Staying together meant he was rarely alone with the kids because he was always busy with some project if home. Fortunately, over the years the situation improved and we are still together. I don’t know what I’d do in your shoes. Do you think he is open to getting treatment?

Yes, I've made it clear to him that his recovery choices will directly impact our marriage and I would sue for 90/10 custody if he doesn't take treatment seriously. I have no idea if the court would award that.

I hope he takes treatment seriously. I suggest consulting an attorney so you receive the most accurate information because custody laws vary by state.

Please talk to a lawyer. You deserve accurate legal advice about this.

Anonymous wrote:I get what you are saying. DH had a bad temper when my kids were young and I seriously considered leaving but stayed because I worried about him being unsupervised with the kids 50% of the time. Staying together meant he was rarely alone with the kids because he was always busy with some project if home. Fortunately, over the years the situation improved and we are still together. I don’t know what I’d do in your shoes. Do you think he is open to getting treatment?

Yes, I've made it clear to him that his recovery choices will directly impact our marriage and I would sue for 90/10 custody if he doesn't take treatment seriously. I have no idea if the court would award that.

I get what you are saying. DH had a bad temper when my kids were young and I seriously considered leaving but stayed because I worried about him being unsupervised with the kids 50% of the time. Staying together meant he was rarely alone with the kids because he was always busy with some project if home. Fortunately, over the years the situation improved and we are still together. I don’t know what I’d do in your shoes. Do you think he is open to getting treatment?

My husband has had his fourth arrest for a DUI.

He had three, over 10 years ago. Two were dropped due to issues with the police and calibrating the breathalyzer, and the other he pleaded down to negligent driving.

He blew a 2.17. I really want to divorce him, but what would happen? I end up with 50/50 custody, and then my kid is around an alcoholic unsupervised 50% of the time. It seems like a crappy deal for our son. If I stay with my husband, then I will at least always have my son with me. I can do without my husband, but I can't do without my child. I'm giving off the impression of being mildly supportive outwardly, but inside, I resent him.