Anonymous
Post 02/08/2026 22:30     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
Anonymous wrote:They vary and can be an extension of the boss's personality. I had CoS responsibilities as part of a broader role, and mostly I just tried to streamline what went to my boss and also to get things done that otherwise fell through the cracks. I've worked with a CoS who could be a complete b, but the executive was as well.

My CoS now can be a little bit testy, and sometimes I appreciate that she holds people to account. But I'm also coaching her to be nicer about how she approaches others and also just a little calmer overall.


op - i mean i guess that's the difference is getting things done vs combative. I have a team of 100 and I could get things done by being combative and rude, but then people would quit and feel demoralized so i need to find better ways. My boss and his COS dont seem to mind if that's how we feel or at least how i feel so that leads me to think they are happy for me to leave? Or they're just bad leaders? I cant work it out.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2026 21:33     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
They vary and can be an extension of the boss's personality. I had CoS responsibilities as part of a broader role, and mostly I just tried to streamline what went to my boss and also to get things done that otherwise fell through the cracks. I've worked with a CoS who could be a complete b, but the executive was as well.

My CoS now can be a little bit testy, and sometimes I appreciate that she holds people to account. But I'm also coaching her to be nicer about how she approaches others and also just a little calmer overall.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2026 21:32     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
The real answer is that it depends on the boss. They will hire a COS to do what they want them to do and they’ll hire the personality type they think they need and want in that role. Some C-levels want a peacemaker, some want an enforcer, some want a bad cop, some want an operator etc.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2026 21:28     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The cos I work with is rude and somewhat accusatory multiple times a day. They are also uninterested in discussion and context and borderline disrespectful. The atmosphere of stress caused is unacceptable imo. Or is that just normal?


Former COS pp here.

No, "rude" is not normal.

Whether "somewhat accusatory" is "normal" depends ... if there is something that they need to accuse you of, well then ... normal. If the "discussion and context" that you feel they avoid = excuses from you, or even explanations and just re-visiting things that are not relevant at this point, then they might need to shut that conversation down.

If the "atmosphere of stress caused is unacceptable" to you, you should look for work elsewhere. If they are truly rude and awful beyond what should be acceptable, then well ... unfortunately that probably does not matter, and it is still you who needs to move on. I've seen some truly horrific managers -- but those awful, unfair people who shouldn't be in any position of power at all are virtually never the ones to have to move on and that is just how it is (and arguably how it needs to be in many places). It isn't fair, of course, but life isn't fair.


op - the demeanor is similar to someone who is angry with you at all times, and not respectful. And not accountable to any errors they themselves have made. I completely agree that it may not matter at the end of the day, am just curious. I'm sure they must think I'm utterly useless and therefore that it doesnt matter how they speak to me because even if I leave then it's probably a good thing (only conclusion I can draw otherwise not sure why they would behave like this). The atmosphere this person engenders is so tense that it's hard to believe.


Does everyone else you work with feel this way about this COS? That the COS seems angry with them and that they think that they are perceived as "utterly useless"?


op- I dont know bc i'm not close enough to any of the other directs to really candidly ask them.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2026 18:24     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The cos I work with is rude and somewhat accusatory multiple times a day. They are also uninterested in discussion and context and borderline disrespectful. The atmosphere of stress caused is unacceptable imo. Or is that just normal?


Former COS pp here.

No, "rude" is not normal.

Whether "somewhat accusatory" is "normal" depends ... if there is something that they need to accuse you of, well then ... normal. If the "discussion and context" that you feel they avoid = excuses from you, or even explanations and just re-visiting things that are not relevant at this point, then they might need to shut that conversation down.

If the "atmosphere of stress caused is unacceptable" to you, you should look for work elsewhere. If they are truly rude and awful beyond what should be acceptable, then well ... unfortunately that probably does not matter, and it is still you who needs to move on. I've seen some truly horrific managers -- but those awful, unfair people who shouldn't be in any position of power at all are virtually never the ones to have to move on and that is just how it is (and arguably how it needs to be in many places). It isn't fair, of course, but life isn't fair.


op - the demeanor is similar to someone who is angry with you at all times, and not respectful. And not accountable to any errors they themselves have made. I completely agree that it may not matter at the end of the day, am just curious. I'm sure they must think I'm utterly useless and therefore that it doesnt matter how they speak to me because even if I leave then it's probably a good thing (only conclusion I can draw otherwise not sure why they would behave like this). The atmosphere this person engenders is so tense that it's hard to believe.


Does everyone else you work with feel this way about this COS? That the COS seems angry with them and that they think that they are perceived as "utterly useless"?
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2026 18:18     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The cos I work with is rude and somewhat accusatory multiple times a day. They are also uninterested in discussion and context and borderline disrespectful. The atmosphere of stress caused is unacceptable imo. Or is that just normal?


Former COS pp here.

No, "rude" is not normal.

Whether "somewhat accusatory" is "normal" depends ... if there is something that they need to accuse you of, well then ... normal. If the "discussion and context" that you feel they avoid = excuses from you, or even explanations and just re-visiting things that are not relevant at this point, then they might need to shut that conversation down.

If the "atmosphere of stress caused is unacceptable" to you, you should look for work elsewhere. If they are truly rude and awful beyond what should be acceptable, then well ... unfortunately that probably does not matter, and it is still you who needs to move on. I've seen some truly horrific managers -- but those awful, unfair people who shouldn't be in any position of power at all are virtually never the ones to have to move on and that is just how it is (and arguably how it needs to be in many places). It isn't fair, of course, but life isn't fair.


op - the demeanor is similar to someone who is angry with you at all times, and not respectful. And not accountable to any errors they themselves have made. I completely agree that it may not matter at the end of the day, am just curious. I'm sure they must think I'm utterly useless and therefore that it doesnt matter how they speak to me because even if I leave then it's probably a good thing (only conclusion I can draw otherwise not sure why they would behave like this). The atmosphere this person engenders is so tense that it's hard to believe.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2026 16:01     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
A good Chief of Staff is not rude. They do know how to get things done.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2026 10:26     Subject: Re:Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
As with conflicts at any job, make sure to document as much as you can and put communications in writing if the rudeness tends to be verbalized.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2026 10:11     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
Anonymous wrote:The cos I work with is rude and somewhat accusatory multiple times a day. They are also uninterested in discussion and context and borderline disrespectful. The atmosphere of stress caused is unacceptable imo. Or is that just normal?


Former COS pp here.

No, "rude" is not normal.

Whether "somewhat accusatory" is "normal" depends ... if there is something that they need to accuse you of, well then ... normal. If the "discussion and context" that you feel they avoid = excuses from you, or even explanations and just re-visiting things that are not relevant at this point, then they might need to shut that conversation down.

If the "atmosphere of stress caused is unacceptable" to you, you should look for work elsewhere. If they are truly rude and awful beyond what should be acceptable, then well ... unfortunately that probably does not matter, and it is still you who needs to move on. I've seen some truly horrific managers -- but those awful, unfair people who shouldn't be in any position of power at all are virtually never the ones to have to move on and that is just how it is (and arguably how it needs to be in many places). It isn't fair, of course, but life isn't fair.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2026 09:53     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
The cos I work with is rude and somewhat accusatory multiple times a day. They are also uninterested in discussion and context and borderline disrespectful. The atmosphere of stress caused is unacceptable imo. Or is that just normal?
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2026 16:57     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
Anonymous wrote:I have had this job.

Part of the job is being the bad guy so your boss doesn't have to, and part of it is buffering. So "aggressive" or at least what might be perceived by some as "aggressive" is just necessary.


100%. You are the details person and the hardass so your boss can be above the fray. It doesn't excuse rude or unprofessional behavior but the nature of the job is to be demanding.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2026 14:09     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
I have had this job.

Part of the job is being the bad guy so your boss doesn't have to, and part of it is buffering. So "aggressive" or at least what might be perceived by some as "aggressive" is just necessary.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2026 13:59     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
They are always gunner types. At my org. CEO's chief of staff is a 30something who acts like being "sooooo busy" is a sign you're important.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 18:26     Subject: Is it part of the JD of chiefs of staff to be aggressive?
Ie - is that the nature of the beast? That you feel personally attacked by your boss's chief of staff at all times? Have only encountered a few and that has been my experience.