Anonymous wrote:You seem way too involved in this OP. Hopefully your son doesn’t feel like you’re more upset for her than him.

I hate when people say this. Parents can totally be sad when a long term relationship for their adult kids doesn’t work out. OP never once said she shared her sadness with her DS or in any way took the girl’s side. But if they’ve gotten to know the girl and her family over the last few years it’s also ok to feel sad. It doesn’t mean they’re too involved with anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still think about my "few months" college boyfriend's mom. She was great. I don't have much in common with my MIL.

This is a "thanks for the memories" type situation.

In a few years, if you happen to hear some good news or whatever, as one adult to another, you could send her a kind note.

Presumably she also decided to break up.

It's best to leave alone for the indefinite future.

She did not want to break up. It's been coming for some time as they had been having some issues not seeing eye to eye, but she was hoping to work through them more and ds felt differently, though also absolutely terrible bc he didn't want to hurt her. He is very upset as well but thought time would not change things. On some level I hope they reconnect but not so sure that will happen.

Men tend to waste women's peak year and then move on. Sad.

My brother broke up with his grad school GF as he wanted to travel and build a career while she wanted to get settled and have kids. She did and also became very successful in her career. She wasn't happy in her marriage and eventually divorced.

He ended up marrying someone else who had behavior issues, had low paying career and wanted someone very wealthy to compensate for it. He tried to make it work for kids. They are still together but emotionally distant. She never wanted to engage with in-laws either.

I wonder if he had stayed with his GF, there wouldn't be 4 unhappy people and 6 kids who dealt with emotionally unfulfilled parents.

Anonymous wrote:Were you upset? We loved her and she had been a huge part of our lives for years, we knew her family, had been on vacation with her, she was at every holiday...In many ways it was like having another child. The decision was ds's and I am so sad for her, and it feels really weird knowing we probably won't talk to her or see her again.

I would be really sad for them. Obviously not my decision to make but finding good friend/partner isn't that easy. It would be an emotional loss for families as well.

Anonymous wrote:It's fine to have your emotions but just try not to place them on your kid. It sounds like it was a long time coming and he wasn't cavalier or impulsive about this breakup so he's probably hurting. So talking to this forum and your friends is fine, to him be a source of support.

'

Yes, just want to be 100% clear that I am not telling him anything about this. It was hard enough for him to decide what to do and I'm not going to now lay on some guilt by saying I'm sad, we'll miss her because that would make him feel worse than he already feel which is not good at all...But that is how I feel and not something I've ever experienced before. It just feels really awful completely "dropping" someone who has been so important to us and it feels wrong, but I feel like reaching out would also be wrong so it's not like there is a solution.

It's fine to have your emotions but just try not to place them on your kid. It sounds like it was a long time coming and he wasn't cavalier or impulsive about this breakup so he's probably hurting. So talking to this forum and your friends is fine, to him be a source of support.

My adult DS has had a couple of long term girlfriends (2-3 years). I miss 1 of them (and they are still friends), not so much the other 2. The current one seems to be the one, but we don't know her well yet. But I will say she is a very good influence on DS and they seem to be a very good match so am hoping this one lasts.

I know it is always different with daughters, but DDs husband is truly a member of the family. I would be sad if they ever divorce.

When DD broke up with her boyfriend, I cried and/or was sad for about 6 months. Some of it was because she has chronic health issues and I was worried for how it would impact her life and some of it was perimenopause. For those of you who say I am too involved, flame away, I do not care.

When my college boyfriend broke up with me I said, "im gonna miss your mom most" lol. She called me and we said a nice little it was really nice having you part of my life for the past 3 years.

When my H met me, his mom loved his ex so much she left all her pictures up and refused to talk to me for 2 years. Insane.

Anonymous wrote:You seem way too involved in this OP. Hopefully your son doesn’t feel like you’re more upset for her than him.

I'm only involved in the sense he has been telling me all this, I certainly was not asking for details. And I am VERY careful not to give my opinion or say anything about how I feel, which is why I brought this on here!

You seem way too involved in this OP. Hopefully your son doesn’t feel like you’re more upset for her than him.

Anonymous wrote:I still think about my "few months" college boyfriend's mom. She was great. I don't have much in common with my MIL.

This is a "thanks for the memories" type situation.

In a few years, if you happen to hear some good news or whatever, as one adult to another, you could send her a kind note.

Presumably she also decided to break up.

It's best to leave alone for the indefinite future.

She did not want to break up. It's been coming for some time as they had been having some issues not seeing eye to eye, but she was hoping to work through them more and ds felt differently, though also absolutely terrible bc he didn't want to hurt her. He is very upset as well but thought time would not change things. On some level I hope they reconnect but not so sure that will happen.

Do you know why he did it? Leaning into that can help if its a legitimate reason and not just Peter Panning

I still think about my "few months" college boyfriend's mom. She was great. I don't have much in common with my MIL.

This is a "thanks for the memories" type situation.

In a few years, if you happen to hear some good news or whatever, as one adult to another, you could send her a kind note.

Presumably she also decided to break up.

It's best to leave alone for the indefinite future.

Were you upset? We loved her and she had been a huge part of our lives for years, we knew her family, had been on vacation with her, she was at every holiday...In many ways it was like having another child. The decision was ds's and I am so sad for her, and it feels really weird knowing we probably won't talk to her or see her again.