OP. Thanks, all! I’m perfectly comfortable giving it to the parent or just putting it up somewhere out of reach of other kids and letting the parent know it’s there, but wasn’t sure if that would be a big imposition or make the host nervous.

And yeah, she typically can’t have cake, so we always just bring an allergy-friendly alternative with us.

When you RSVP to a party can you text the parent and say "Just a heads up, Ella is allergic to peanuts, and has an epi-pen. Could you let us know if the party is nut-free? Ella's so excited to celebrate Larla's birthday safely!"

Then you know if you need to stay nearby or what.

^ETA: Their allergists rec’d keeping epi on hand until a few years post their last reaction. Maybe overkill, but better safe than sorry imo

1. Desensitize if you can! Has been a game changer. Mine had anaphylaxis to eggs, peanuts & some tree nuts. Also, keeping exposure to other potential allergens was recommended to us, as kids w one allergy are at risk of another.

2. I’m a pediatrician, so ymmv, but I’d happily hold onto anyone’s kid’s epi/neffy. Tbh I wish they’d stock them in public places. Especially w how shelf stable neffy is!

3. For my kids, who have been tolerized to all their allergies, I still keep an epi pen on hand at school, at home, and grandparents houses. If I’m dropping off, I’m either nearby or know the host well enough to slip them their emergency bag (oral meds, epi). My kids are young, so for now drop off dates are rare and have mostly been w kids on our block.

Both of my boys have multiple food allergies and there’s a few things we did when drop off parties started (and drop off play dates):
- I did not drop off/leave them until they were able to verbally say their allergies, ask for help, tell an adult something doesn’t feel right, the don’t feel good. This was around age 6-7.

- They always had their epi pens and or neffy with them, in a bag with a first aid cross on it. Together we would tell the adult where the bag was and what it was. Both my boys also knew how to use the epi pen, and neffy (so much less stressful!) and knew that it’s not a problem to use if they started to feel off after eating/weren’t sure if they ate an allergen/knew something wasn’t right. We have always said when in doubt or unsure, use your safety tools (epi or neffy)

- I never expected or assumed the other adult would be responsible for looking into allergens or knowing ingredients. That is on me as the parent. Due to the allergies my kids have, cake was typically a no go, and I would just let the parent know.

I found most birthdays were focused on the activity (arcade, games, crafts, laser tag, etc.) and the food came second, so it was never a big deal to my kids or the host if they didn’t eat/or brought their own snacks. If it was a party that clearly was catered or paid per person, I would let the host know once the invite came if my kid cannot eat the food so they would not have to pay for their meal (if that makes sense.)

Empower your kids with allergies and normalize talking about allergies and epi pens and neffy so that it’s manageable. It will help you feel less stressed as they start to go out more without you. Both my boys are older now and allergies are part of their life, but not defining their life.

My daughter only has one friend who always has an epi-pen with her -- although she's never had to use it. As the host, I've held onto it. Parent would always remind me how to use it and give it to me directly, and I held onto it in my purse if at a venue or where kids leave their jackets at our house, but up high or somewhere otherwise inaccessible to them, and I make sure another adult knows it's there too. As kids got older -- maybe she was around age 10 -- she's had their own belt bag or purse to carry their epi-pen herself. Parent will remind me she has it when she gets dropped off.

Also look into neffy.

Nasal spray alternative to epi pen.

With my peanut allergic kid, I would send her with a bag and put it in bag and tell host it was in her bag. I had no expectation the adult was carrying around the epi-pen. But I will admit I was also not the most stringent parent ever in making sure an epi pen was at her side at all times.

My main thing at that age was to tell her don’t eat it if any doubts and always always always ask an adult to double check a label or ask what’s in the food even if she thinks it is obvious.

I would be fine handling the EpiPen for any children I had as guests. If it is outside the house at a public place, I would prefer it be in a fanny pack or something I can hang onto in a hands free way.

DD is 7 and has an epi-pen for a food allergy. She’s only had a couple of exposures to the allergen in her life and her reactions have been mild. Even though she has not needed the epi-pen ever, her allergist advises that it be accessible because allergies can change and reactions suddenly become worse (she hasn’t had an exposure in like 4 years, so I don’t know if it has gotten worse). So, though this is not something I worry about much, I also make sure to have the epi-pen on hand just in case.

I’m not sure how to handle this for drop off events. For playdates, she mostly visits the same 4 friends of parents we know well, and they’ve all said they are comfortable with having the epi-pen on hand, so we just give it to them to hang on to.

I don’t know to handle drop off parties. DD is incredibly careful about checking ingredients and passing on anything she can’t confirm is okay, so I really have very little concern about an exposure. But obviously she needs to have the epi-pen with her.

If you’re the host, how would you want me to handle this? Staying feels a little rude for a drop off party, but I realize that may be the answer. Drop off but stay nearby? I would be fairly comfortable even with DD just having the epi-pen on her (we frequently go over how to use it with the tester and when to use it) but can’t do that because of the risk of her putting it down and some other kid picking it up. If you have an older kid, when did they start carrying it themselves? I think we’re probably pretty far from that point, just curious.