Anonymous wrote:Friendships are fading. Maybe fatigue, maybe physical distance or changing season of life.
How often do you keep in touch with friends? What is the way to keep in touch regularly without becoming intrusive? Meeting in person once in a while? Phone calls? Messages? Social media? I would like to know what worked in your experience. I am afraid I am slowly turning into a cat lady..

I started a Hat of the Month Club where I mail a fun hat (something I found at home, in a thrift store, or received as a promo, think trucker hat) to friends each month. Hats, Hats, Hats!

Have get togethers on a schedule and then reschedule if needed (eg, meet up with Larla every 3rd Wednesday). More likely to happen than if just planning ad hoc.

I think it depends on what type of friend group and geographic location. There's a difference between working to keep the dispersed college friend group semi-together vs a friend group that is geographically more centered in the DMV, though distances can still be a challenge.

For my local DMV friend group, we have a what's app group and early on we did monthly dinners. People have moved away so the monthly dinners dwindled and now we do dinners when someone who moved away comes into town. We started the What's app during covid and it's been a lifeline

For my college group, I went to a SLAC about an hour+ away from DC - think outside of Baltimore. Some people stayed reasonably local to the college, within 30ish minutes. Those folks have a monthly lunch gathering. We have an annual dinner associated with our college's annual reunion (even when it's not "our year"). i go to that. But I will say I'm just loosely connected with this group for a variety of professional and personal reasons, so I don't know all the ins and outs. They have a weekly zoom call, ever since covid. I keep in touch with individuals who are also more loosely affiliated (who live further away) - we text or what's app or call. One friend in particular we used to travel with - our families just matched up well at the time but that's drifted. Another friend is very far but we've gotten together when I've been near her location.

And then there are friends who are parents of my kid's friends - from when they were very young (preschool and elementary years, when you're really in the trenches). My children and their children (in college and late high school) are just loose friends/fond acquantances now. But when the kids were younger we started traditions. Like for example watching the superbowl, or sharing Halloween. We still do these things even without kids. I agree with 10:02 - it's the little things that over time maybe then develop into deeper longer lasting friendships.

Anonymous wrote:Friendships are fading. Maybe fatigue, maybe physical distance or changing season of life.
How often do you keep in touch with friends? What is the way to keep in touch regularly without becoming intrusive? Meeting in person once in a while? Phone calls? Messages? Social media? I would like to know what worked in your experience. I am afraid I am slowly turning into a cat lady..

For me, I find I have to make the effort to invite to in-person connections.

Start small, small, inconsequential activities. Local people - invite them to go to the store with you when you are headed to target or walgreens. Offer to do them a favor (e.g. dropping their crap off at the thrift store. Coffee/tea at home. Invite friends over to visit while you make cookies or something. said cookies off at friends houses - just whenever - but make sure they are home first, and if they invite you in, stop in and spend a few moments with them.

Do not worry if they don't invite you back - because people might not, and it isn't about you or how much they like you.

Anonymous wrote:Do activities together. Mahjong, canasta, pickleball. Rotate homes.

Highly recommend this is you live close to a group of friends, even if they aren't your closest friends. To have people who live close by and will participate in regular activities together is so much fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Phone calls, trips together, and messages are what I use.

How often?

I'm PP. My best friend of 30+ years lives four hours away from me and is a school teacher. Sometimes in the warmer months we will walk and talk in the early morning before she gets ready for work, in the colder months we will talk in the evenings, generally while watching kids' sports practices. We also connect pretty much every weekend while doing something like folding laundry, prepping food, etc. - an activity that we need our hands but not really our brains for. She and I also try to see each other 4 times a year, sometimes I'll go there, sometimes she'll come here, sometimes our kids' sports events will bring us to close to each other and we can meet up for a family dinner. Sometimes we get together with just the two of us, no kids. She's not a big texter but I'd say we probably text once a week about something light (a Bravo show we're watching, a funny meme, something one of her students said that was cute, etc.).

My college girlfriends and I have a pretty active text chain filled with both light-hearted texts and also serious ones (one of them just found out her cancer had returned). We are spread out across two states (about 3-4 hours apart for all of us) so we try to get together in person 3-4 times a year. One of them is a pretty big phone talker so I tend to call her whenever I am in the car alone (which is shockingly infrequent because I work from home). I do have separate text chains with all of them plus the group text (we don't talk about the others on the separate chains, but there are sometimes things I'll discuss with one of them versus all of them).

My local friends for whatever reason have the most active text chains. Maybe because we see each other more often? In warmer weather months, and especially in the summer when the kids aren't in school (although we all work), we see each other multiple times a week because we'll meet up for tennis, pool, BBQs, etc. In winter we still see each other in person at least once a week (not everyone all the time, obviously, but a group of us). I have multiple text chains with the large group and then we have a ton of splinter groups based on varying interests/friendships.

Friendships take work, but I'm so grateful that I have decades-old friends who are willing to put in the investment, as am I.

Do activities together. Mahjong, canasta, pickleball. Rotate homes.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 45. My friends over 50 seem to like to talk on the phone. My friends under 50 like to text. I don't love the phone calls but I try to keep a good attitude, haha.

Just send little texts about whatever. Funny stories from your day. A tv show you want to watch. A restaurant you want to try. Anything to stay connected. Then set up your monthly get together or whatnot. After the get together, follow up with texts like, "Has your cold gotten any better?" That kind of thing.

Make it a thing with your friends - you grab lunch, you grab coffee, you do happy hour, you see live music. Once it's been a few weeks, put the next one on the calendar.

For friends who live far away, do the same thing, but with FaceTime/Zoom.

I'm your age but like phone calls. We now tend to schedule them in advance. I have two days a week where I have an awkward hour between things, so I rotate through talking to long distance friends then. Another friend I talk to on walks and another we fold laundry while face timing together.

I do need to make more nearby friends since my two closest both moved away during COVID.

I just texted a friend today who is on maternity leave. We are also coworkers, but I never text her anything about work - just to check in on her sanity and let her know she's not forgotten. I try to do that about once a week.

My closest friends are all out of state. We tend to chat when someone is driving. We will text just to say “thinking of you” but it’s hard to have a dialogue via text. Sometimes we put phone dates for Sat morning on the calendar. We see each other in person when we can. It’s hard and you have to make it a priority.

Make a monthly meetup in each friend’s house for lunch.
The first Saturday of the month.

I'm 45. My friends over 50 seem to like to talk on the phone. My friends under 50 like to text. I don't love the phone calls but I try to keep a good attitude, haha.

Just send little texts about whatever. Funny stories from your day. A tv show you want to watch. A restaurant you want to try. Anything to stay connected. Then set up your monthly get together or whatnot. After the get together, follow up with texts like, "Has your cold gotten any better?" That kind of thing.

Make it a thing with your friends - you grab lunch, you grab coffee, you do happy hour, you see live music. Once it's been a few weeks, put the next one on the calendar.

For friends who live far away, do the same thing, but with FaceTime/Zoom.

Anonymous wrote:Phone calls, trips together, and messages are what I use.

How often?

Phone calls, trips together, and messages are what I use.

Friendships are fading. Maybe fatigue, maybe physical distance or changing season of life.
How often do you keep in touch with friends? What is the way to keep in touch regularly without becoming intrusive? Meeting in person once in a while? Phone calls? Messages? Social media? I would like to know what worked in your experience. I am afraid I am slowly turning into a cat lady..