Anonymous wrote:You are too old for this woman anyway. What's in it for her? Hope she loves elder care!

You can get a new wife and move on, but your kids can never get a new mom, and seeing another woman in their mother's place will be very hard for them. Forever. Doesn't mean you can't date and marry but your kids are unlikely to want to play Happy Family with this woman and her random kids.

+1000

All of this. My mom died when I was in high school, and was so very hard to see my dad begin to date a few months later.

Also consider that your girlfriend/wife got her happily ever after because your wife died. She would not change the situation if she could. And she will never really love your kids. You are stupid for believing her. The trope of the wicket stepmother was formed and endured in response to a human truth.

Why do you need to remarry? Marriage is for children and building a stable financial ground. You've already had kids, you've already retired. The only reason to marry a girlfriend is so that she can get 100% of your assets when you pass, disinheriting your kids. Is that how your wife wanted her life savings to go?

Does it actually hurt your girlfriend's feelings, or did you make that up to try and etiquette-trap your daughter?

Stop pushing your children to meet your partner. They are not ready. Your daughter especially is not ready and she has been very, very clear about why that is.

If your partner is not able to accept that your children are grieving the recent loss of their mother and are not ready to include your new partner in their lives, you should end that relationship. Anyone who is "hurt" by this rejection is too emotionally immature for this situation.

If you want to maintain a good relationship with your daughter, I would advise that you meet with HER to "patch things up" and end this relationship.

Did you not write a while ago? I remember something about adult children not willing to meet the potential "future wife". I mean, you're old, and if you're fighting within couple of months of dating, what are you doing? They probably don't want to meet a new "stepmom" every few months, I know I wouldn't. Just let it be. If you find someone with whom you're not fighting all the time and intend to stay together, then broach the subject, I mean like a couple of years in. It's not like you got your 56 yo GF pregnant, that you have to marry tomorrow. Slow down.

If you argue so much, before even living together, this is not the match for you.

If you want more compatibility, you need to look for someone who has been in a long term success marriage and knows what that feels like. You need someone who will respect your late wife and your relationship with her- even in a fit of anger.

I would also gently suggest to look for someone a bit older- maybe 63 or older. If you are set on remarriage that tells me you want a partner and companion- that usually does not happen with such a large age gap.

Plus, you do not know what else is out there. Date a bit more to see the options.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your girlfriend is pressuring you for the "blended family" experience because she wants to marry your assets and have them for her kids. And your kids are not dumb enough to fall for it.

Your kids are adults and they do not have to meet anyone they don't want to meet. If you were thinking of planning any little surprise coincidence interactions, think again.

Oh my gosh this. If you love your children at all, run.

You are too old for this woman anyway. What's in it for her? Hope she loves elder care!

You can get a new wife and move on, but your kids can never get a new mom, and seeing another woman in their mother's place will be very hard for them. Forever. Doesn't mean you can't date and marry but your kids are unlikely to want to play Happy Family with this woman and her random kids.

Sounds like your girlfriend is pressuring you for the "blended family" experience because she wants to marry your assets and have them for her kids. And your kids are not dumb enough to fall for it.

Your kids are adults and they do not have to meet anyone they don't want to meet. If you were thinking of planning any little surprise coincidence interactions, think again.

Your girlfriend has no role in the life of your children and grands other than to step aside and be absent when you spend time with them. Stop trying to make them meet her. It’s pointless.
DO NOT remarry. If you must, make sure your property and asserts go only to kids. She should not be present during holidays etc visits with kids.
It sounds like she is a nasty b. Saying mean things about your wife. I know you are lonely but I’d move on.

Sounds like you need to work on yourself so that you stop saying things you regret. Nothing gets better until you do that. It is not healthy for you to date at all if you have so little self-control. Were you always like this or is it part of your grief?

I agree it is way too soon, and your daughter is pregnant so her grief may be more intense. You need to back off and give it time. Stop trying to pressure other people and let them make their own choices.

Why do you even need them to meet? Really think about that.

You are very foolish for fighting loudly in your daughter's earshot. And you are very, very foolish for telling your daughter your girlfriend can help her with the birth. She wants her MOM not a stranger for this most intimate of experiences! Nothing is going to go well until you make better choices.

I think your dd is being pretty immature and selfish about your need for companionship; you were incredibly obtuse and insensitive for acting like your girlfriend could help your dd through her pregnancy when your dd is so sad that her mom isn’t around for it; and your girlfriend sounds like a volatile piece of work. All of you seem too self centered to make a successful blended family.

I don’t know what your relationship was like with your wife, but if you’re not accustomed to this much fighting, your girlfriend is probably not a good potential spouse for you.

Why would your girlfriend say nasty things about your wife when she’s never met her and also why would she deny she said them?

I think you must know by now that life is too short to spend it with someone with whom you’re clearly incompatible. Stop wasting precious moments with your children and future grandchildren on this unnecessary drama.

My wife used to frequent this site, so I’m hoping you all can give me some insight.

I was with my wife for over 45 years, and she unexpectedly passed in August of 2024. I started casually dating around February 2025. I told my daughter (35) then that I was dating and I planned on remarrying. She told me then it was my business, but she thought it was too soon for me to date but it was definitely too soon for her to hear about it. She said that I could do what I want but asked that I don’t speak to her about my dating life.

Fast forward to August and I met someone, and we’ve been dating since. I met her children back in early October so we thought it would be a good time for her to meet my children. I brought it up to my daughter and she told me she wasn’t ready to meet her yet, especially since we’d only been dating for a couple of months. I told her that was rude and that this would hurt my girlfriend’s feelings. She said if she’s a decent person she’ll understand. After this, admittedly, I says some things I regret (I tried to make her feel guilty). My son also said he wasn’t ready to meet her either.

Last week I brought up them meeting again. Before I brought this up I told her I was still seeing her but let her know I was unsure if we’d go the distance because we fight so much. I also told my daughter that my girlfriend was upset about she had her brother not wanting to meet her. She asked if she was upset or disappointed, because according to her she can understand disappointment but not hurt. I told her both, and that I told my girlfriend to extend grace to she and brother because of their grief. She said given my age (72), is this how I want to spend my time, fighting with someone all the time? She said that if we’re fighting this much and it’s only been a few months it’s only going to get worse. I told her I’d think about that.

After this is when I asked her if she’d consider an introduction between the two of them, not to spend time, but simply an introduction. She hesitated and told me she doesn’t know. I told her that at some point in the future if I’m still around, I’m going to have another wife. She said, “I know” and brought up her aunt and her mother. Her aunt, my wife’s sister, who was like a mother to her also unexpectedly passed 4 months before my wife. She said, “Mary passing is still fresh. So can you imagine how fresh mom passing is? Plus, now that I’m pregnant (first time), I miss her even more and it’s even harder for me. This is a very sensitive time for me.”. I told her that I understood and let her know that my girlfriend could help with that. My daughter said no, and that she didn’t want her to help. That this would’ve been a time reserved for her mom, and no one else. I asked her to just think about it when she was ready.

My daughter stayed the night last night because she’s helping me go through the attic. My girlfriend and I got into a pretty loud, nasty argument over the phone. We both said some nasty things. My girlfriend said some mean things about my wife, although she denies it. This morning, my daughter came downstairs and asked , “You guys fighting again, huh?” I told her yes. She said, “I’m not trying to be in your business but I heard you tell her that she said some mean things about mom.”. I told her I thought she did but that she denied it. My daughter said that if that’s the case she will never meet her, and that she knows her brother never will either.

I’m meeting my girlfriend tonight for dinner to patch things up.

So now what?

Just in case people are wondering:

Me, 72
Girlfriend, 56
Son, 39
Daughter, 35