Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this as a noncombatant?

My office regularly hosts lunches, cake ceremonies, balloons, cards, etc for the 'in girls' but doesnt even acknowledge the birthdays of other women.

I'm just an observer, but it's .....gross. It's so harassing that I even wonder if it's grounds for a lawsuit.

I specifically told my boss I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday in the office. Maybe that’s it?

Anonymous wrote:As a manager this is so hard. Half of the people won’t tell us their birthdays and the other half loves to celebrate.

It’s often hard keeping both introverts and extroverts happy and making sure there’s nice middle ground.

Why not just do a birthday club that people opt into and chip in financially?

Anonymous wrote:Are you one of the women not celebrated OP? Because my first thought is they declined a celebration. I don't tell my birthday, and it's not an age thing, I'm one of the youngest. I just am not into it and it also relieves me of having to celebrate everyone else's. I just never attend any and mine doesn't get acknowledged and that's my preference.

Same. Mine does get acknowledged and it’s awkward. Id prefer no mention of my birthday at work.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t donate or attend.

Agree. Just stop participating, stop chipping in, and stop giving these people the attention they crave so badly. You don't even need to make an excuse, just disappear and don't chip in.

Don’t donate or attend.

As a manager this is so hard. Half of the people won’t tell us their birthdays and the other half loves to celebrate.

It’s often hard keeping both introverts and extroverts happy and making sure there’s nice middle ground.

If they employer is paying or they are pressuring everyone to chip in, that's really unpleasant.

Are you one of the women not celebrated OP? Because my first thought is they declined a celebration. I don't tell my birthday, and it's not an age thing, I'm one of the youngest. I just am not into it and it also relieves me of having to celebrate everyone else's. I just never attend any and mine doesn't get acknowledged and that's my preference.

I do Hr work and work with dozens of employers in the dc area and have never heard of anything like this. It might make sense if it was only milestone birthdays and it just happens this group is all about the same age (eg a bunch of them turned 50 this year)? Or maybe these are not office planned but are just planned by employees for their friends who then invite others? (Some offices do that kind for baby showers.)

If it’s the latter, I think it’s a little weird and I wouldn’t like it, but whoever pulls the plug and tells employees they can’t throw in office parties anymore is going to be seen as the wet blanket in a big way. If that’s the situation and it were me, I would just eat the cake and not worry about the fact that your social life doesn’t revolve around the office. Maybe those people have no friends outside the office e to celebrate with them, which is kind of sad.

But if it’s really as you described — that the employer is paying to host a birthday celebration but only for certain people and not others—that’s a really unprofessionally run business.

report this anonymously to HR

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with this as a noncombatant?

My office regularly hosts lunches, cake ceremonies, balloons, cards, etc for the 'in girls' but doesnt even acknowledge the birthdays of other women.

I'm just an observer, but it's .....gross. It's so harassing that I even wonder if it's grounds for a lawsuit.

May be the other women do not want a birthday party. Some women do not want others know their ages.

High school never ends

It's an unfair situation, I agree. However, I don't think it is grounds for a lawsuit or EEO complaint. I'd probably just decline to participate.

Probably not grounds on its own for a lawsuit.

It does reflect a bad workplace culture. It's either blatant favoritism (if management is who decides who to celebrate and who to ignore) or lax management where they are letting a clique of women run office celebrations. Either way, someone is dropping the ball and it will lead to resentment for sure.

How are the celebrations paid for? If out of an office fund, I'd probably play a little game to highlight how stupid that is. Like suggest having an office party for one of the non "in group" women and if people say no or won't allocate money for it, just ask point blank how much of that fund is spent on birthday celebrations for this select group of people and who decides how the money is allocated. You just ask innocently but I'd also make sure that the office director or manager or whomever was cc'd on the request, to highlight how dumb it is.

If the parties are paid for via everyone throwing in money, I'd just decline to contribute next time and schedule a dentist appointment or similar during the party so I couldn't go. If it's not compulsory to participate and they are being cliquish about it, I'd just skip the whole thing altogether.

How do you deal with this as a noncombatant?

My office regularly hosts lunches, cake ceremonies, balloons, cards, etc for the 'in girls' but doesnt even acknowledge the birthdays of other women.

I'm just an observer, but it's .....gross. It's so harassing that I even wonder if it's grounds for a lawsuit.