Anonymous wrote:There are several types of narcissism, and I think you can live with people who have the neurotic (shy) kind - the ones who are not grandiose, don't seek drama or attention but are really insecure and feel a serious lack of confidence. It's not typically recognized as narcissism, but it's officially a form of the diagnosis.

I know several people living with that kind, and they're usually not too hard to live with. They need lots of reassurances.

Actually that is a true form of narcissism and much more dangerous to be in a relationship with than more obvious grandiose types. It’s called covert narcissism. And yes, from the outside they look meek or insecure or innocuous. On the inside it’s terrifying, because the second you take your foot of the gas of building them up and putting them on a pedestal and telling them they’re the best, they will turn on you.

Here’s a quick description:

“ A covert narcissist (also known as vulnerable narcissist) falls into a narcissistic personality disorder subtype that combines traits like self-centeredness and manipulative behavior with an introverted demeanor. Because covert narcissists seem so reserved or even modest, it can be easy to overlook their more problematic traits.”

https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/personality-disorders/covert-narcissism

There are several types of narcissism, and I think you can live with people who have the neurotic (shy) kind - the ones who are not grandiose, don't seek drama or attention but are really insecure and feel a serious lack of confidence. It's not typically recognized as narcissism, but it's officially a form of the diagnosis.

I know several people living with that kind, and they're usually not too hard to live with. They need lots of reassurances.

My brother is NPD and life is really hard for my SIL. But they also both like drama, so it seems to work for them.

Anonymous wrote:No. I thought I could just "quiet quit" and stay with him for another 7 years until kids were launched. I came on this board at that time. DCUM was right. Why subject my kids to witness such an unhealthy dynamic.

We are out and my kids and I are happy and I am healing. The leaving was tough - post-separation abuse. But life is so much better now.

I tried this too. I messed up the “quiet quit” part and pushed back at one point when things got really bad. It caused him to collapse and he ran and filed for divorce without telling me until after. My life became even more of a nightmare than it was.

In the end the post-separation and legal abuse are pretty much equivalent to the other abuse that took place within our marriage, so I don’t know that either choice (stay or go) would have been better for our children. Once you’ve made the mistake of having children with someone like this, you’re signing yourself up for a life sentence.

I’m trying to help my kids develop better tools than I had to recognize dangerous personalities and unsafe situations.

Regardless of your choice, get your kids in therapy with someone they trust and feel comfortable with right away.

The mask always drops.

You have to define “good enough.” It’s different for each person.

Anonymous wrote:The other poster got me wondering…

Anyone out there who is married to a narcissist and doing well?

Most of such labels are created by spouses themselves, not by board certified psychiatrists so there is that. Obviously such spouses often don't focus as much on self reflection so old saying of clapping needing two hands is appropriate.

Anonymous wrote:I think I’m the narc/BPD and we’re 21 years strong.

My relationship is similar and I think about leaving daily. Are you happy? And if so, what makes it work?

I think I’m the narc/BPD and we’re 21 years strong.

No. I thought I could just "quiet quit" and stay with him for another 7 years until kids were launched. I came on this board at that time. DCUM was right. Why subject my kids to witness such an unhealthy dynamic.

We are out and my kids and I are happy and I am healing. The leaving was tough - post-separation abuse. But life is so much better now.

yes if you have your own outlet for finding joy in life. It could be kids, your own job, family, friends etc.

With enough money, why not?

Melania is doing pretty well.

No.

The other poster got me wondering…

Anyone out there who is married to a narcissist and doing well?