I think it does belong in this forum because the issue is basically a cousin who sometimes giggles when another kid seems gay.

Struggling to fit in is still a problem for many gay tweens and teens some of who may not even know for sure that they are gay yet. If a nice 12-year-old boy is the artistic type will he struggle socially? Should he be keep being himself even if that means sometimes tolerating some teasing or giggles?

And is it really such a good idea to switch to boxers just because of peer pressure?

Why is this in the lgbtqia forum?

There is literally nothing in your story that causes it to belong here.

Do you think your son is gay? Do you think that is because he is artsy? Not cool?

We need to unpack from where you internalized homophobia comes. Because if he is gay, you need to get rid of it fast.

Anonymous wrote:My DS is a nice 12-year-old whose favorite subject is art class and I would say he does seem more creative and more sensitive than other boys his age.

Meanwhile my nephew is ten, plays ice hockey and is popular at his school. He sometimes giggles at my son because he thinks he seems a little, well, gay. My son usually just shrugs off my nephew and doesn't let it bother him. Over the Christmas break, I spent a night in the hotel room with the two boys. The kids had been getting along really well but then it was time to get ready for bed. My nephew stripped down to his boxers and my son got worried when he realized he forgot to pack his pajamas. I whispered to him that it was okay, he could just sleep in t-shirt and underwear like his cousin.

When my son came out of the bathroom, my nephew laughed, "Nice tighty whities!" My son blushed and rolled his eyes. Even though my nephew was just messing with him, my son was very embarrassed and hated looking uncool in front of a younger cousin. I'm afraid my son will likely face more incidents like this in middle school and high school and it seems so unfair.

Most of his friends still think there is something wrong with being gay or at least that it is second best to being straight. What's your advice?

I have a son like that, who is now a teen and thinks he will likely be gay or bi. My advice is to support him in his gender nonconformity. Make it clear to him that he can be as "feminine" as is natural for him and still be a boy. I would be very, very vigilant that nobody succeeds in convincing him that he might be "trans" just because he is not a typical boy. As my kids tell me, being gay (which is sadly still - or again? - a commonly used slur in middle school) is subject to a lot more mockery than being trans, which incentivizes kids to go down the route of rejecting their bodies. My son, who is also autistic, is comfortable in his femininity, but he says that if I hadn't made it so abundantly clear to him that being gender nonconforming (and gay) is OK, he might have thought that presenting as a girl is the easier route.

Anonymous wrote: realize that being gay does mean being second best.

Oops! I meant being gay does NOT mean being second best.

Sounds like your son's issues have more to do with self-image and envy, especially as it relates to masculinity. Twelve is a tough age but try not to worry about your son and his orientation so much. If he is gay, he will come to accept that and eventually realize that being gay does mean being second best.

As for me, when guys ask How can you wear tighty whities, I try to own it and respond, "Yep, I wear tighty whities. They are dorky but comfortable and I'm gonna keep wearing them!"

DS probably never had a peer kid see his undies to point out they were at best unfashionable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What you said makes zero sense. A child shouldn't have to throw a temper tantrum to get something.

I was trying to say that my son had seemed happy staying in briefs and never seemed embarrassed about his underwear before.

Welcome to life. Things change.

Anonymous wrote:

What you said makes zero sense. A child shouldn't have to throw a temper tantrum to get something.

I was trying to say that my son had seemed happy staying in briefs and never seemed embarrassed about his underwear before.

In the 1990s briefs started to have a bad reputation. Some people considered them gay (absurd) or nerdy. This lasted well into the early 2010s.

Good luck to your 12 year old coming to grips with his sexuality and puberty. He sounds a lot nicer and more interesting than your nephew!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not get your son boxer briefs or boxers so he's not wearing the least cool underwear to ever exist?

Op here. Growing up, my son was always the type of sweet kid who would never throw temper tantrums for boxers. White briefs were what I kept buying him but maybe now he will want to switch to boxers because of peer pressure. My son is shy and struggling socially and it doesn't help that his cousin is always considered "the cool one." At least, to most people.

It doesn't bother me that my son is a little different. My husband also loves our son but is sometimes disappointed that he isn't a more masculine or athletic boy. I want to encourage my son to be himself but worry about him getting teased.

What you said makes zero sense. A child shouldn't have to throw a temper tantrum to get something. They should be able to say "Next time you're buying me underwear, can you get me boxer briefs in black and grey instead of white tighty whities?" and then you just ... do that.

Anonymous wrote:Why not get your son boxer briefs or boxers so he's not wearing the least cool underwear to ever exist?

Op here. Growing up, my son was always the type of sweet kid who would never throw temper tantrums for boxers. White briefs were what I kept buying him but maybe now he will want to switch to boxers because of peer pressure. My son is shy and struggling socially and it doesn't help that his cousin is always considered "the cool one." At least, to most people.

It doesn't bother me that my son is a little different. My husband also loves our son but is sometimes disappointed that he isn't a more masculine or athletic boy. I want to encourage my son to be himself but worry about him getting teased.

Why not get your son boxer briefs or boxers so he's not wearing the least cool underwear to ever exist?

Also, nothing about your description of your son means he's gay. Teach your nephew to support his cousin, not to laugh at him.

So your nephew called out that your son was wearing briefs. I’m not seeing other data points that he’s “not fitting in.” Is there a narrative that you’re creating in your head without actual evidence?

Does your son have friends that include some genuinely nice kids? Does he enjoy school?

OMG what's wrong with you.

Have you had a conversation with your son about sex?

Do you even know he is gay?

Do you have open conversations with him about anything?

His cousin is a POS.

Your friends are disgusting shits why are you friends with people like that?

My DS is a nice 12-year-old whose favorite subject is art class and I would say he does seem more creative and more sensitive than other boys his age.

Meanwhile my nephew is ten, plays ice hockey and is popular at his school. He sometimes giggles at my son because he thinks he seems a little, well, gay. My son usually just shrugs off my nephew and doesn't let it bother him. Over the Christmas break, I spent a night in the hotel room with the two boys. The kids had been getting along really well but then it was time to get ready for bed. My nephew stripped down to his boxers and my son got worried when he realized he forgot to pack his pajamas. I whispered to him that it was okay, he could just sleep in t-shirt and underwear like his cousin.

When my son came out of the bathroom, my nephew laughed, "Nice tighty whities!" My son blushed and rolled his eyes. Even though my nephew was just messing with him, my son was very embarrassed and hated looking uncool in front of a younger cousin. I'm afraid my son will likely face more incidents like this in middle school and high school and it seems so unfair.

Most of his friends still think there is something wrong with being gay or at least that it is second best to being straight. What's your advice?