Unless you have a prenup you should get half of the assets acquired during marriage, unless your DH has managed to hide his assets.

Get a job.

both partners should know where all of their assets are simply in case either is temporarily incapacitated. Additionally you should both have all the passwords to these accounts.

My DH is the primary earner but I handle the investments, budgets and bills and like knowing all the ins and outs of our financial life. It’s not that complicated and important to understand as an adult. Don’t be like Belle Burden or Candice Miller. But with ages of your kids, unless you signed a terrible prenup, you should generally be entitled to half of your assets plus child support and alimony as the non-high earner.

If I were you I’d want to know:

-names, balance & mortgage terms on any property
-annual income which is on the taxes you sign each year
-breakdown of what income is salary, bonus, and profit sharing
-retirement account amount
-any other accounts: investment, savings, checking
-debts besides mortgage (car, loans, credit cards)
-life insurance policies
-expenses (tuitions, clubs, groceries, vacations, car etc)

Tax season is upon us - this is the perfect time to get involved! Help with gathering docs for the accountant, read everything, ask questions of the CPA if you don't understand things. Know how much is coming in from what sources (even breaking down salary vs bonus, savings from salary vs interest), and how much is going out and where it's going.

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a disadvantageous prenup, OP?

This. She was screwed over by a bad prenup that gave her a worse deal than she would have had WITHOUT a prenup.

Anyway, at a minimum, you should have logins to all of your financial accounts and you should check them regularly.

Please don’t call yourself clueless.

You have been trusting, and probably focused on the day-in day-out of managing a family.

But yes, women like you are very vulnerable and we need to teach our daughters to be proactive about ensuring their own futures .

OP make sure to make copies of all financial accounts.

Ie get those account numbers make sure you are the beneficary if the accounts are in his name only.

Also, cars houses etc make sure you are on both as well.

Hint: Don't tell your husband that you read a book and now you need to see all the details.

Does he have a financial planner or no?

Do you have a retirement vision?

If mail comes to your house, you should be able to figure out where assets are.

If he runs everything digitally, it might be more difficult.

Just don't freak out and start demanding to know things. He might think you're planning a divorce.

What about asking "Do we have money for a retirement second home" or "can we pay for the kids' grad school" instead of "I need to set up a death file"?

By now it's possible that you wouldn't get more in any reasonable post-nup. Read about the laws in your state but not on devices that the rest of your family uses/shares.

There are good annual budget breakdowns for various high earning families on subreddits like r/HENRYFinance (HENRY means high earning, not rich yet). These can give you a good baseline of how high earning families think about expenses, wealth accumulation and more

Apps like Monarch make budget analysis much more simple if you are willing to put in the effort to get them set up

You should post on finance section.

Start collecting documents and store them safely in the cloud. You need tax returns and supporting documents from as far back as possible, plus as many account statements as you can piece together. Rather than approaching it from a perceived risk of divorce, maybe you could ask him to prepare a "death file" for you that has all the account numbers and logins, just in case he gets hit by a bus. Say it's causing you anxiety not to know more.

Are you jointly on bank accounts and investment accounts? I’d start there.

Do you have a disadvantageous prenup, OP?

GL, I was like you and my husband recently left me out of the blue. He’s having some sort of midlife meltdown. Getting you financial life in order is a good idea.

I just finished reading Belle Burden's book "Strangers" and it really scared me.
I live a similar life to what hers was like prior to her husband walking out. My husband reminds me a lot of hers--he earns a lot, works a lot, travels a lot. I gave up a high power career to be a SAHM and have not kept up to date on our financial situation. I am the same age as she was when her husband abandoned her, as are my children.
I would love advice on the steps I should take to get up to speed on our finances, resources I can turn to, etc. I have always known that being savvy about our finances/financial situation is important, but have been complacent and lazy about making sure I am protected financially in case my marriage goes south (husband takes care of all things financial). Also--thinking that a postnup may be a good idea. Thoughts?