Anonymous wrote:It's a horrible 5 percenter obsession. Most parents don't have the luxury of this.
I would love to sign up as an alumni interviewer for my school and ask kids if they used a college coach or consultant and if so why did their parents think they weren't strong enough on their own.

But your assumption is incorrect. That’s not why parents hire one. You are projecting assumptions onto other parents because you’ve made a decision not to hire one. Parents hire them for a number of reasons - the most sensible is to extricate the parent from the nagging role. Or, in my own case, it stems from the wisdom to know the field has become so complicated and competitive that even if I take two years to master the art of college applications and financial aid aid, I could not figure it all out. Which is why I hire experts to assist me like lawyers (I am one but know not to touch areas in which I do not know), doctors, CPAs, trusts and estates lawyers, etc. investing and paying for a college education is the second largest investment a couple will make after buying a home. Why wouldn’t you hire an expert? I did my research. I Found one by the hour whom my kids clicked with. It worked. Ivy, SLAC, Oxbridge, Yale law.

As long as my DC gets what I paid for, I don’t really care. The days of marketing rankings as a guarantee of better outcomes or social mobility are long gone.

As a shopper you should know what you are buying for.

It sucks except if you win. Then it’s great. There is nothing globally that is like the education, connections and level of services of all kinds available at the tippy-top of American higher education.

It's a horrible 5 percenter obsession. Most parents don't have the luxury of this.
I would love to sign up as an alumni interviewer for my school and ask kids if they used a college coach or consultant and if so why did their parents think they weren't strong enough on their own.

Don’t do it then.
DS was not mature for his age and was not particularly compliant when it came to sticking to the usual formula for getting into the “top” schools, and our attempts to motivate him fell on deaf ears. His grades were good and he cared about school, just did not care that much about GPA and doing all the ECs.

He did not have many ECs and hardly any volunteering or club participation. He pretty much just did his sport, and not even to the max. He did have some summer jobs related to his sport.

It turned out fine. He has matured somewhat and is very excited about the SLAC he will attend next year. No rat race.

Anonymous wrote:We opted out of the rat race very early. Let DS participate in whatever he wanted, discontinued if not interested and he still ended up at one of HYP with no hooks. He is a good student and we knew he would get into college.

We did not bother even thinking of college until middle of 10th grade. Then we heard some tips from his high school counselor presentation things that are important for colleges, passed that info to son who promptly ignored it. The most worry we had was to keep him on track to submit all things by due dates in senior year.

If you do not need to get into T30, the stress level is vastly lower. All the stress we experienced is mostly around meeting due dates.

Can you let us know what activities he participated in? I do like the philosophy you described.

We opted out of the rat race very early. Let DS participate in whatever he wanted, discontinued if not interested and he still ended up at one of HYP with no hooks. He is a good student and we knew he would get into college.

We did not bother even thinking of college until middle of 10th grade. Then we heard some tips from his high school counselor presentation things that are important for colleges, passed that info to son who promptly ignored it. The most worry we had was to keep him on track to submit all things by due dates in senior year.

If you do not need to get into T30, the stress level is vastly lower. All the stress we experienced is mostly around meeting due dates.

Echoing the above - as a parent you can support the kids you have and let them find their path, ignore the noise of the rat race. I have one kid who has been shooting for the stars her whole life, she ended up at an Ivy and was wildly happy there. No consultants, no parent grooming (if anything we tried to get to pull back on her stuff for fear she'd burn herself out.) Our other kid who has bobbed along happily more in the middle of the pack and ended up at a lovely state school where he is happy and doing great. There really is something for everyone out there as far as post-high school experience, and honestly if I had a kid who was interested in the trades I would have been thrilled as well as those folks are highly employable and able to achieve some professional independence pretty early in their career paths if they work hard.

You don't have to treat it as such. There are plenty of great college choices out there.

Anonymous wrote:What is it teaching our kids? About "merit", hard work, financial inequality, value? Parents I know are gnashing their teeth over the blatant games played by colleges who seemingly hold all the power. But can't we vote with our feet? Select colleges outside the US system that are more fair (Canada, UK, Ireland, Scotland, etc.) or pick honors colleges in less competitive US colleges that will provide our kids with scholarships and better opportunities. Our public state schools (at least mine) has good intentions but feels broken as well.

What is it all for?

The parents telling me you need to "prune your child since middle school for a cohesive college narrative" and hire consultants to make you marketable, make me feel so sad and hopeless.

What are you talking about? Outside ivy and ivy plus and WASP, yield rate is quite low in the teens or 20%s. Ordinary ECs suffice.

My suggestion to you is to pick a T50 that is the best fit for your DC. Or one of the liberal arts colleges outside T10, they provide excellent education without demanding a rat race.

The fact that you are whining indicates that you are still wanting an ivy.

Agree. My kid and I decided on the best colleges for him. They are mostly NOT Ivies, T5/10/15/20/25. But they are the right fit for him. Part of being the right fit for him means a collaborative versus cut throat environment. The top schools by the nature of the application "requirements" attracts an intense, determined personality. There's nothing wrong with that, but my kid needs/wants a calmer, more cohesive, collaborative environment.

Every family has choice: community college, state schools, trade schools, religious school, very competitive schools and a multitude of options between. There are price points and tradeoffs. Choose what is right for your family. My kid would never want to study overseas full time. Had no interest in Canadian schools like McGill with hundreds of kids per class and no interest in any uk/Irish programs where kids commit right away to a particular major. But we have friends who go that route. The benefit of an American education is choice and ability for kids to shift areas of focus more easily. We did strategize for our oldest and their narrative was authentic and leveraged their academic strengths. We didnt see it as a rat race - bc we made the best choices for our child and didnt focus on others. Great college outcome and our kid worked super hard and learned the importance of focus and effort.

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to participate. It’s not required.
You can still go to a good college in the U.S.

My DC did not treat this as a competition or “race.” Was not “pruned since MS” nor in HS. Did what they wanted and as much as they wanted. None of it done for college admissions

Super smart, kind, and efficient. Deserves what they got… unhooked, early acceptance to an ivy. Public flagship does not have the same opportunities for what they want to do.

Agree, the rat race sucks. So don’t race.
I don’t race - I worked hard because I like to. I live a balanced life, not chasing achievement or money or material stuff. But I do well because I’m efficient and work fast and work hard.

+1 I nurtured the kids I had. Encouraged them in their explorations, got them support for their ADHD. They mostly applied to targets and safeties. Had several great options that all fit our budget and were happy where they ended up. #1 has graduated and has a good job. #2 is struggling a bit more with her ADHD but having good experiences and had a good summer job last year. I'm sure she'll do fine too.

You don't have to opt into the rat race.

You don’t have to participate. It’s not required.
You can still go to a good college in the U.S.

My DC did not treat this as a competition or “race.” Was not “pruned since MS” nor in HS. Did what they wanted and as much as they wanted. None of it done for college admissions

Super smart, kind, and efficient. Deserves what they got… unhooked, early acceptance to an ivy. Public flagship does not have the same opportunities for what they want to do.

Agree, the rat race sucks. So don’t race.
I don’t race - I worked hard because I like to. I live a balanced life, not chasing achievement or money or material stuff. But I do well because I’m efficient and work fast and work hard.

What is it teaching our kids? About "merit", hard work, financial inequality, value? Parents I know are gnashing their teeth over the blatant games played by colleges who seemingly hold all the power. But can't we vote with our feet? Select colleges outside the US system that are more fair (Canada, UK, Ireland, Scotland, etc.) or pick honors colleges in less competitive US colleges that will provide our kids with scholarships and better opportunities. Our public state schools (at least mine) has good intentions but feels broken as well.

What is it all for?

The parents telling me you need to "prune your child since middle school for a cohesive college narrative" and hire consultants to make you marketable, make me feel so sad and hopeless.