When my kids did disrespectful things to adults in this age range it was a written apology delivered in person with a verbal apology and no I was not accompanying them. One of my situations was a neighbor so I could force the issue. More difficult to be sure it’s done with a teacher I would get a counselor to help.

Start taking proper accountability for the actions and the actions will seem a lot less no big deal. Each kid only had to have this happen once.

Do you swear at home? Where is she learning that swearing is her go-to reaction?

Anonymous wrote:She needs detention now. 2nd or 3rd time? What is wrong with you op?? Do you let your 14 year old do whatever she wants? She should be grounded for a week. Where did she learn that? I’m guessing her parents.

Well this is part of the issue. the schools let kids get away with a lot more than they used to.

Grounding her for a week could make her more careful at school but it is not likely to change how she handles her anger in general.

14 year old with no phone?

Hum... sounds like you have her controlled too much and it is back firing.

Public or private OP?

First she appologizes in person.

Then she goes to therapy to find out what you have done wrong as parents

She needs detention now. 2nd or 3rd time? What is wrong with you op?? Do you let your 14 year old do whatever she wants? She should be grounded for a week. Where did she learn that? I’m guessing her parents.

Have*

She def should complete the detention and has what she likes restricted.

Her language towards another adult was inappropriate

^ I mean, our older kid keeps telling us to just wait to years and it will get better.

Anonymous wrote:I’d let her get detention. Also I’d make sure she understands that people aren’t going to respect her given that type of behavior - probably already don’t.

But I wouldn’t be addressing this through consequences. To me it looks like she lacks the skills to control her temper and to need to teach that to her.

This and you are already working on ways to address the quick temper. Hopefully she matures in a couple of years. Sorry, OP.

My oldest was pretty terrible with behavior around that time and we tried everything. I’m sure the school thought we were awful parents. He was a different person by junior year with maturity. We never stopped trying though. No magic way to stop it, stay calm and try to avoid power struggles at home, they don’t work.

We are having some issues with our 9th grader now. He keeps telling us to wait two years. It doesn’t mean we don’t keep trying.

Anonymous wrote:She can have a quick temper, and we’re working on it, but the focus right now is making sure this stops.

Tell us more about this OP, especially the "we're working on it" part.

Surely this language didn’t come out of no where? What do you do when she speaks like this at home?

Is it the 2nd or 3rd? The fact you’re not sure concerns me.
My then 12yo was disrespectful to a teacher last summer ( yelling a pretend name for teacher as she ran past the door) after being asked several times previously not to as it’s disruptive.
I went into the classroom with DD and made her apologize. Made it very clear to her in front of the teacher it’s not acceptable.
She lost all screens until end of the school year which was 2.5 weeks away.
She was on dish duty for 2.5 weeks. And had to pick up the dog poop in the back yard for 2.5 weeks.

I’d let her get detention. Also I’d make sure she understands that people aren’t going to respect her given that type of behavior - probably already don’t.

But I wouldn’t be addressing this through consequences. To me it looks like she lacks the skills to control her temper and to need to teach that to her.

My 14yo DD (8th grade) swore at a teacher at school. After being told to stop talking in class, she said told the teacher to “Stfu. We are addressing it seriously at home.
This is the second or third incident of disrespectful language, and she’ll have to get detention if ur happens again. She does not have a phone, so I’m looking for ideas on appropriate consequences beyond that. She can have a quick temper, and we’re working on it, but the focus right now is making sure this stops.
What consequences would you give?