Anonymous wrote:Parent of preschoolers here. I am already worried about this. Fellow moms I hang out with and chat at drop-off/text, and at birthday parties, but I know the relationships won’t stick. Everything feels too casual! It’s a little alarming

Don’t be alarmed! It’s okay for things to be dynamic, to enjoy someone at a time in your life. It’s still worth investing the time. Some people come and go and some people stay, just enjoy the moment and don’t worry about the future. Friendships WILL evolve, and that’s ok.

+1 to some friends are seasons friends. We were super tight with a group of 4-5 families - family vacations, holidays together etc. but that did fall away once the kids went to different schools. It played itself out and reached its natural end, which is fine.

I do when they're real friends. In other words, if I would have been friends with them regardless of how we met then yes, we're still friends. If we were friends out of convenience, then no.

However, my kids have done the same sport since they were little (it's very niche and I think they'll continue it through college) and they attend a K-12 private and we moved into our current house when they were 4 so our friend groups have largely stayed the same over all these years.

Yeah, I stay friends with my favorite ones, but I put in the effort and reach out. We don't get together often, but we do see eachother and have some mom friends who moved away who contact me when they are in town. Now if I put in the effort and it was clear the person wasn't interested, I would let it go and not keep pursuing. I tend to be a friend keeper unless things are toxic. If we hit it off and laugh together, then I'm gonna try to keep you!

Anonymous wrote:Parent of preschoolers here. I am already worried about this. Fellow moms I hang out with and chat at drop-off/text, and at birthday parties, but I know the relationships won’t stick. Everything feels too casual! It’s a little alarming

OP here. I have kept like one friend from each season but we don’t hang out regularly the way we used to. I saw my one good friend from when my kid was in preschool. Our kids weren’t actually friends but I always liked the mom. We became adult friends around Covid time and now I consider her one of my best friends. The friends we were closer to and my kids were better friends with we drifted apart.

Parent of preschoolers here. I am already worried about this. Fellow moms I hang out with and chat at drop-off/text, and at birthday parties, but I know the relationships won’t stick. Everything feels too casual! It’s a little alarming

No. I mean, we smile and exchange updates at the grocery store or school or whatever but no we don’t otherwise keep in touch.

For the most part, friendships have a season. And that’s ok.

Anonymous wrote:We moved to dc with 2 young kids and had another baby here. They are now in high school and elementary. In every part of their lives, we have made family friends but it never continues once that part of their lives are over. In preschool, elementary, swim team, soccer, dance, etc, we hang out with other families and then once the season is over or kids no longer attend the same school or drift apart, the parent friends also fizzle.

I find myself putting less effort with my youngest. Other parents seem to want to hang out, moms nights, ski trips, summer camps and I’m not all in the way I used to be with my older kids.

I have stayed friends with a few, but most have fallen away. But now that my kids are older I don't see the ones I'm still friends with much anymore. Life just got busy.

I stay friends with those who are legitimate friends. I stay friendly with those who are friendly acquaintances.

There are people we are friends with only because of the kids and people we are friends with that we met through the kids but would be friends regardless. Some of the parents I have met through my kids’ schools have become my closest friends in life, but most parents I have been friendly with through my kids do not fall into that category.

Most of our friends with kids/family are people we knew before any of us had kids. We all had kids around the same time, like within a few years of each other. As we had kids, our kids got to know each other, and now we are "family friends." But first we were just "friends."

The families we meet through school and activities never reach this level of closeness. So yes, those friendships fade. So often these friendships revolve around "getting the kids together" which I am all for because I think it's good for the kids. And sometimes I can enjoy my time with the adults. Other times it's kind of a slog because they just aren't really operating at my frequency. Also parenting in DC is turned into a competitive sport by many, and I have limited tolerance for this, which rules out a lot of people as potentially real friends because I don't want to participate in the constant comparing of notes regarding our kids. I'd say that quality shuts down about 90% of the friendships I develop with other parents, and relegates them to just a kid-centric family friendship that, yes, will fade if our kids are no longer seeing each other regularly.

Some, yes. My kids went to a different middle than most of their friends and I didn’t anticipate that I would loose most of my circle of acquaintances. But there are a few parents that have become true friends and we make the efforts to get together outside kid routine and activities.

Only a chosen few.

Do you hang out with the parents outside of the activities? And without the kids?

We moved to dc with 2 young kids and had another baby here. They are now in high school and elementary. In every part of their lives, we have made family friends but it never continues once that part of their lives are over. In preschool, elementary, swim team, soccer, dance, etc, we hang out with other families and then once the season is over or kids no longer attend the same school or drift apart, the parent friends also fizzle.

I find myself putting less effort with my youngest. Other parents seem to want to hang out, moms nights, ski trips, summer camps and I’m not all in the way I used to be with my older kids.