OP,

I feel similarly but am more worried than you seem to be. I worry about isolation later in life.

I like people but after a few minutes I am ready to be alone again. I think I erred by not nurturing old friendships and I am overwhelmed by the thought of what I'd have to do to reconnect.

And, I find myself more irritated by people lately, especially those who are very energetic, extroverted, and smiley. I know that sounds bad. but I am just too tired to match them. They seem happy and eager and I don't want to disappoint them or make them feel rejected so I just stay away. I guess it's an energy issue and I can't do the initial stages of getting to know you right now. I hope it changes in the future. Also, I didn't like how botox looked on me and so I am trying to not have to make all those really happy and excited facial expressions.

How old are you Op? Things may change, it's okay to feel how you feel for now.

Anonymous wrote:Why write a paragraph about it if you are cool with it? Me thinks thou doth protest too much...

I don't now if I am cool with it. I love being alone more than hanging out with people because it feels easy, same as being with my kids, dh. But is that weird or bad, and will that change and mostly how could that change? I tried volunteering for years and that led nowhere. With far away friendships I feel like I did try, but my oldest friend was not responding anymore so eventually I stopped because it made me feel stupid and maybe like I was bothering her. With the group I had, there were a lot of bad dynamics that I think ended up making me feel like I didn't trust people much anymore. Maybe I am just not meant for friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your circle is quite small. Are you going to be okay when you can't socialize with your kids anymore because they've moved away?

You need friends. Maybe just two or three, but you need SOME number of friends. Doesn't have to be a big group.

Its not something she NEEDS asap and she can take a very long while, until she is comfortable. Some people are dangerous, have you heard "with friends like these, who needs enemies?" There are people who will sabotage your aspirations over a whim or merely something to gossip about, it can be risky to trust others. Some people hide their jealousy and lash out later or get possessive or put a wedge into your other relationships. It can be a mine field and sometimes it's OK to take time and really vet new relationships before letting someone in.

Sure, some people will turn out not to be a good friendship match, but live and learn, you know? And what if her husband dies right when her kids leave for college, then she goes from having four people to zero? I'm not saying to grab any rando off the street and invite them in weekly for coffee and crosswords, but join something, volunteer once a month, whatever, to make a couple of friends. If you don't meet people, you can't start the vetting process, right?

Anonymous wrote:Your circle is quite small. Are you going to be okay when you can't socialize with your kids anymore because they've moved away?

You need friends. Maybe just two or three, but you need SOME number of friends. Doesn't have to be a big group.

Its not something she NEEDS asap and she can take a very long while, until she is comfortable. Some people are dangerous, have you heard "with friends like these, who needs enemies?" There are people who will sabotage your aspirations over a whim or merely something to gossip about, it can be risky to trust others. Some people hide their jealousy and lash out later or get possessive or put a wedge into your other relationships. It can be a mine field and sometimes its OK to take time and really vet new relationships before letting someone in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to socialize a lot, mostly because of kids, had a group of friend as well but that ended after a local move. Old real friendships faded through decades of distance. So my social life now is basically dh, in-laws (do not get along great but see them from time to time), my kids and ds's girlfriend. Occasionally I see neighbors and will chat for five minutes. Beyond that, it's just me in the house working (I am fully remote) and I love it and I have zero desire to meet new people, create new relationships. A friend from years ago was in town a few months ago and it was nice enough seeing her, but not like I'd have minded not seeing her or feel either way about seeing her again. Idk if this feeling is due to the group friendship ending weirdly and feeling some form of mourning over it, or just me getting older and being more jaded...Will I always feel that way? I miss how easy it all used to be making friends, but also don't like how seemingly meaningful friendships don't actually mean anything at all.

This sounds like a you problem? My old, real friendships haven't faded through decades of distance because I've nurtured them.

Congratulations, good for you. You happened upon some like minded people you get along with. Surely, you can sleep well at night safe in the knowledge of your superiority at not happening upon traumatic friendship pitfalls, you win!

Anonymous wrote:I used to socialize a lot, mostly because of kids, had a group of friend as well but that ended after a local move. Old real friendships faded through decades of distance. So my social life now is basically dh, in-laws (do not get along great but see them from time to time), my kids and ds's girlfriend. Occasionally I see neighbors and will chat for five minutes. Beyond that, it's just me in the house working (I am fully remote) and I love it and I have zero desire to meet new people, create new relationships. A friend from years ago was in town a few months ago and it was nice enough seeing her, but not like I'd have minded not seeing her or feel either way about seeing her again. Idk if this feeling is due to the group friendship ending weirdly and feeling some form of mourning over it, or just me getting older and being more jaded...Will I always feel that way? I miss how easy it all used to be making friends, but also don't like how seemingly meaningful friendships don't actually mean anything at all.

This sounds like a you problem? My old, real friendships haven't faded through decades of distance because I've nurtured them.

Anonymous wrote:Why write a paragraph about it if you are cool with it? Me thinks thou doth protest too much...

That was exactly my point that wasn't received well apparently.

Why write a paragraph about it if you are cool with it? Me thinks thou doth protest too much...

Your circle is quite small. Are you going to be okay when you can't socialize with your kids anymore because they've moved away?

You need friends. Maybe just two or three, but you need SOME number of friends. Doesn't have to be a big group.

If you're jaded it can be impossible to trust again but friends are nice to have too. Its OK to take a long break from forming new bonds, a good friend will likely pop up when you least expect it and its also OK to be open if you find a kindred spirit. There is no need to go hunting for new friends right away.

Your question is will you always feel this way? I don’t know the answer but I do know that relationships often change. It seems to me that if you are getting all your relationship needs met by 4-5 people, if something happens to any of them (possibilities: kid moves, kid breaks up with their partner, spouse becomes ill and less mentally/physically able to engage), it will be a huge loss for you socially (as well as whatever other impact might be felt). I also wonder if you lose social skills by never engaging with people other than the old comfortable ones. I also imagine you might be exposed to fewer and fewer new ideas as time goes on…but if none of that concerns you, then carry on as you are. You know yourself better than we do.

Anonymous wrote:Ok....

Op, so many people on here are rude. I feel that way too. Of course I'm 61 now

Ok....

I used to socialize a lot, mostly because of kids, had a group of friend as well but that ended after a local move. Old real friendships faded through decades of distance. So my social life now is basically dh, in-laws (do not get along great but see them from time to time), my kids and ds's girlfriend. Occasionally I see neighbors and will chat for five minutes. Beyond that, it's just me in the house working (I am fully remote) and I love it and I have zero desire to meet new people, create new relationships. A friend from years ago was in town a few months ago and it was nice enough seeing her, but not like I'd have minded not seeing her or feel either way about seeing her again. Idk if this feeling is due to the group friendship ending weirdly and feeling some form of mourning over it, or just me getting older and being more jaded...Will I always feel that way? I miss how easy it all used to be making friends, but also don't like how seemingly meaningful friendships don't actually mean anything at all.