You're mentioning lots of behaviors and sort of gloming them together.

I think it's a safe generalization that there are less poorly behaved kids in the classroom in private than public.

But if we're talking about the level of "mean girl" behavior -- which differs from the above -- then that is school dependent, as to both the private and the public in question.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely not something that can be generalized that way. Every school, indeed every grade within a school, can be different.

This.

This. My kid went to one of small privates in DC known for "being nice." There was a ton of bullying and other behavior issues. His public has stricter expectations of the kids and as a selective school, and if things happen the school is on it immediately. Not the leniency that seemed to exist in the private.

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely not something that can be generalized that way. Every school, indeed every grade within a school, can be different.

This.

Come on OP. You have to know this can't be generalized.

Anonymous wrote:There is less mean girl behavior at our private than at our old DCPS. There's also less extreme bad behavior. There's still kids that mess around and sometimes talk while the teacher is talking etc. at our private. But there's no cussing out the teacher or throwing/breaking things which we were starting to see in DCPS.

That makes sense because privates can pick and choose their students. And choose not to invite kids to reenroll if there are behavioral or extreme academic challenges. Public schools try to keep everyone and increasingly are mainstreaming even those kids who would be better served at specialized schools.

This is so school dependent. Our public didn’t have many truly mean or “bad” kids IMO, but we definitely had our share of hearing that Jimmy punched or tackled DS or that Kyle made fun of DS’ Asian lunch, or that the 2nd grade class couldn’t learn anything during reading because Sammy and Peter kept opening their iPads. Volunteering in the classroom, kids could be mouthy and sassy to the teacher.

DS is in private now and the kids are very well behaved and polite to adults, but not necessarily kind. An example is that at the class party, a parent said prizes were available and a cluster or 3 or 4 girls absolutely mobbed the bags and most of the girls got 3-4 prizes while quieter kids like my DS or goofy boys who didn’t pay attention got zero. I don’t know what I would call that. Greed? Entitlement? But there’s no name calling, teasing, or unwanted physical contact at all. Nobody comments, negative or positive, on other kids punches, clothes, shoes, and so on whereas in public a lot of kids seemed way more focused on that. When DS was sick and we went to pick up make up work, lots of kids (even girls) said hi and asked where he was.

I have absolutely noticed a corresponding difference in the parents. The parents at the private seem a lot stricter and I’ve definitely heard a few kids being told off the parking lot by their parents whereas at public the parents were more lax and focused on socializing with each other rather than disciplining their kids.

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely not something that can be generalized that way. Every school, indeed every grade within a school, can be different.

This is very true. The smaller the school, the more a grade's overall personality is influenced by a few kids.

There is less mean girl behavior at our private than at our old DCPS. There's also less extreme bad behavior. There's still kids that mess around and sometimes talk while the teacher is talking etc. at our private. But there's no cussing out the teacher or throwing/breaking things which we were starting to see in DCPS.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not talking academics, just character and good kids. My DD is in public now. There are so many poorly behaved children. I don’t know if they are bad or just don’t listen. My daughter is a great kid. I’m afraid that she will become entitled and learn mean girl behavior in private.

Generally, I’d say private school kids are nicer, but that’s not always true. My DD went to TJ for a semester and those kids were all very kind (less snobby than private school kids) - they severely lacked social skills - but they were nice hard working kids. The mainstream public school kids are a total mixed bag (obviously).

My private was very entitled and mean girl, so I made a lot of friends who went to public school. In retrospect, private did make me more entitled.

Publics have to accept everyone so there is bad behavior, but more people tend to be more accepting and less mean.

This is definitely not something that can be generalized that way. Every school, indeed every grade within a school, can be different.

I've been pleasantly impressed with the lack of mean girl behavior at our non-top tier, not-super expensive private. There's definitely more money than their was at our decently well regarded but definitely mid-SES public. But overall the kids do a good job of keeping each other's mean girl behavior in check, and if they don't then the parents, teachers, and administration will step in.

That said, the private also allows a little more distracting behavior than I'd hoped from a school that's much more traditional. So it's pros and cons.

I think the best environment is one where the parents are friendly and know each other well. That can happen at public or private.

Same

I’m not talking academics, just character and good kids. My DD is in public now. There are so many poorly behaved children. I don’t know if they are bad or just don’t listen. My daughter is a great kid. I’m afraid that she will become entitled and learn mean girl behavior in private.