Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 17:24     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Carson Middle School is known for giving kids referrals for just about everything—sometimes it feels like even breathing too loudly. My 8th grader received another referral today. Last week, he got one for having too many tarries across all his classes—this was his fourth combined tardy this quarter.
He’s also had referrals for having his cell phone out, a few for “interfering with learning” in the classroom, and one for shoving while playing around with a friend. I’m not saying he’s perfect, but it honestly doesn’t feel like the school truly cares about addressing behavior in a meaningful way. He’s had ISS a few times and been removed from class, but nothing major like a suspension. At this point, I’m just questioning whether discipline referrals actually mean anything or help change behavior, because from a parent’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like they do.
When my son was in elementary , he only received one referral in 6th grade and hardly any before that. This year alone, he’s received more referrals than all his previous years combined. It honestly feels like schools are quick to write kids up now, often for minor issues rather than addressing behavior in a productive way. We’re starting to wonder if discipline referrals are being overused instead of actually helping students succeed. Is anyone else dealing with the same issue at their school?


So when you got these signals from the school - in the form of referrals - that your kid's behavior needed to change, what consequences did you implement at home? What scaffolding did you attempt to offer to help remind your kid to get to class? What consequences for a tardy? When you found out the phone was out, how did you respond? When he was interfering with learning, what did you do?

If you don't think the school's consequences are working, you come up with consequences. And even if you do think the consequences are working, you back them up at home.


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 16:30     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Anonymous wrote:Carson Middle School is known for giving kids referrals for just about everything—sometimes it feels like even breathing too loudly. My 8th grader received another referral today. Last week, he got one for having too many tarries across all his classes—this was his fourth combined tardy this quarter.
He’s also had referrals for having his cell phone out, a few for “interfering with learning” in the classroom, and one for shoving while playing around with a friend. I’m not saying he’s perfect, but it honestly doesn’t feel like the school truly cares about addressing behavior in a meaningful way. He’s had ISS a few times and been removed from class, but nothing major like a suspension. At this point, I’m just questioning whether discipline referrals actually mean anything or help change behavior, because from a parent’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like they do.
When my son was in elementary , he only received one referral in 6th grade and hardly any before that. This year alone, he’s received more referrals than all his previous years combined. It honestly feels like schools are quick to write kids up now, often for minor issues rather than addressing behavior in a productive way. We’re starting to wonder if discipline referrals are being overused instead of actually helping students succeed. Is anyone else dealing with the same issue at their school?


What are you doing at home when he gets these referrals?

Using phone at school should be loss of the phone for a week for the first time and add a week for every infraction.

Four tardies in one quarter, not the semester but a quarter, would be loss of video game time or some other desired privilege for a week, with the time adding up for each additional tardy.

Shoving at school, would be loss of privileges.

You are supposed to be reinforcing that the behavior is not acceptable. If that means you need to work with his doctors to adjust his medications, then do that. If that means discipling at home so that he understands that you agree with the school that his behavior is not acceptable.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 16:27     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
This is the most down-to-earth thread I have read on DCUM in quite some time. Bravo commentors.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 12:41     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Anonymous wrote:Carson Middle School is known for giving kids referrals for just about everything—sometimes it feels like even breathing too loudly. My 8th grader received another referral today. Last week, he got one for having too many tarries across all his classes—this was his fourth combined tardy this quarter.
He’s also had referrals for having his cell phone out, a few for “interfering with learning” in the classroom, and one for shoving while playing around with a friend. I’m not saying he’s perfect, but it honestly doesn’t feel like the school truly cares about addressing behavior in a meaningful way. He’s had ISS a few times and been removed from class, but nothing major like a suspension. At this point, I’m just questioning whether discipline referrals actually mean anything or help change behavior, because from a parent’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like they do.
When my son was in elementary , he only received one referral in 6th grade and hardly any before that. This year alone, he’s received more referrals than all his previous years combined. It honestly feels like schools are quick to write kids up now, often for minor issues rather than addressing behavior in a productive way. We’re starting to wonder if discipline referrals are being overused instead of actually helping students succeed. Is anyone else dealing with the same issue at their school?


So when you got these signals from the school - in the form of referrals - that your kid's behavior needed to change, what consequences did you implement at home? What scaffolding did you attempt to offer to help remind your kid to get to class? What consequences for a tardy? When you found out the phone was out, how did you respond? When he was interfering with learning, what did you do?

If you don't think the school's consequences are working, you come up with consequences. And even if you do think the consequences are working, you back them up at home.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 12:03     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Anonymous wrote:Carson Middle School is known for giving kids referrals for just about everything—sometimes it feels like even breathing too loudly. My 8th grader received another referral today. Last week, he got one for having too many tarries across all his classes—this was his fourth combined tardy this quarter.
He’s also had referrals for having his cell phone out, a few for “interfering with learning” in the classroom, and one for shoving while playing around with a friend. I’m not saying he’s perfect, but it honestly doesn’t feel like the school truly cares about addressing behavior in a meaningful way. He’s had ISS a few times and been removed from class, but nothing major like a suspension. At this point, I’m just questioning whether discipline referrals actually mean anything or help change behavior, because from a parent’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like they do.
When my son was in elementary , he only received one referral in 6th grade and hardly any before that. This year alone, he’s received more referrals than all his previous years combined. It honestly feels like schools are quick to write kids up now, often for minor issues rather than addressing behavior in a productive way. We’re starting to wonder if discipline referrals are being overused instead of actually helping students succeed. Is anyone else dealing with the same issue at their school?


Wait, are you implying that the purpose of a discipline referral is to help a student succeed? Come on. It's a way to document behavior AND to communicate to you. Clearly it's okay for your kid to have their phone out and be late to class and to shove other kids. It looks like he is getting consequences AT SCHOOL. What about AT HOME? If I knew my kid had their phone out, the phone would be mine for the next weekend. If my kid was late to class four times, I'd let them know that if it happens again that I'd be taking a day off of work and escorting them from class to class to make sure they get to each class on time.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 11:55     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think this IS them addressing behavior and helping him improve. In middle school, they should be less flexible than elementary school because the kids should be able to control themselves better and understand rules better.

Tardies, cell phone use and interfering with learning all show a lack of self control. Does he have issues like this at home? Could ADHD meds or executive functioning skills courses help?


He takes Concerta for his ADHD and the grades are all A & Bs. Meds works, turns in assignments and does well on Test and quizzes.


Guess what? Smart kids can have behavior issues. Getting good grades does not excuse poor behavior.

Your kid has four tardies. That's a lot. Your kid needs to get to class.

Your kid had his phone out. That's a problem. The bell-to-bell rule is very clear.

Your kid shoved another kid. No excuse. Your kid needs to keep his hands to himself.

Your kid is disruptive. He is way too old to use the excuse that he's just being a kid. There is no excuse for disruptive behavior.


+100
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 11:52     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Anonymous wrote:Carson Middle School is known for giving kids referrals for just about everything—sometimes it feels like even breathing too loudly. My 8th grader received another referral today. Last week, he got one for having too many tarries across all his classes—this was his fourth combined tardy this quarter.
He’s also had referrals for having his cell phone out, a few for “interfering with learning” in the classroom, and one for shoving while playing around with a friend. I’m not saying he’s perfect, but it honestly doesn’t feel like the school truly cares about addressing behavior in a meaningful way. He’s had ISS a few times and been removed from class, but nothing major like a suspension. At this point, I’m just questioning whether discipline referrals actually mean anything or help change behavior, because from a parent’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like they do.
When my son was in elementary , he only received one referral in 6th grade and hardly any before that. This year alone, he’s received more referrals than all his previous years combined. It honestly feels like schools are quick to write kids up now, often for minor issues rather than addressing behavior in a productive way. We’re starting to wonder if discipline referrals are being overused instead of actually helping students succeed. Is anyone else dealing with the same issue at their school?


My kid is an 8th grader at Carson and has had 0 discipline referrals. None of his friends have had one. I think you need to work with your child on their behavior.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 11:05     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think this IS them addressing behavior and helping him improve. In middle school, they should be less flexible than elementary school because the kids should be able to control themselves better and understand rules better.

Tardies, cell phone use and interfering with learning all show a lack of self control. Does he have issues like this at home? Could ADHD meds or executive functioning skills courses help?


He takes Concerta for his ADHD and the grades are all A & Bs. Meds works, turns in assignments and does well on Test and quizzes.


Guess what? Smart kids can have behavior issues. Getting good grades does not excuse poor behavior.

Your kid has four tardies. That's a lot. Your kid needs to get to class.

Your kid had his phone out. That's a problem. The bell-to-bell rule is very clear.

Your kid shoved another kid. No excuse. Your kid needs to keep his hands to himself.

Your kid is disruptive. He is way too old to use the excuse that he's just being a kid. There is no excuse for disruptive behavior.


I didn't mean to submit so quickly.

YOU, as a parent, need to address misbehavior in your child. This is a PARENTING problem, not a problem with Carson or any other school.

You claim that the schools don't care to address behavior in a meaningful way, which is a great example of cognitive dissonance. YOU-- the parent-- are the one who doesn't seem to care to address the misbehavior of your child who is almost in high school. Stop relying on the school to parent for you.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 11:02     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Sounds like he needs his meds adjusted.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 11:00     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think this IS them addressing behavior and helping him improve. In middle school, they should be less flexible than elementary school because the kids should be able to control themselves better and understand rules better.

Tardies, cell phone use and interfering with learning all show a lack of self control. Does he have issues like this at home? Could ADHD meds or executive functioning skills courses help?


He takes Concerta for his ADHD and the grades are all A & Bs. Meds works, turns in assignments and does well on Test and quizzes.


Guess what? Smart kids can have behavior issues. Getting good grades does not excuse poor behavior.

Your kid has four tardies. That's a lot. Your kid needs to get to class.

Your kid had his phone out. That's a problem. The bell-to-bell rule is very clear.

Your kid shoved another kid. No excuse. Your kid needs to keep his hands to himself.

Your kid is disruptive. He is way too old to use the excuse that he's just being a kid. There is no excuse for disruptive behavior.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 10:45     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Anonymous wrote:I think this IS them addressing behavior and helping him improve. In middle school, they should be less flexible than elementary school because the kids should be able to control themselves better and understand rules better.

Tardies, cell phone use and interfering with learning all show a lack of self control. Does he have issues like this at home? Could ADHD meds or executive functioning skills courses help?


He takes Concerta for his ADHD and the grades are all A & Bs. Meds works, turns in assignments and does well on Test and quizzes.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 10:42     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
I think this IS them addressing behavior and helping him improve. In middle school, they should be less flexible than elementary school because the kids should be able to control themselves better and understand rules better.

Tardies, cell phone use and interfering with learning all show a lack of self control. Does he have issues like this at home? Could ADHD meds or executive functioning skills courses help?
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 10:37     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Anonymous wrote:Carson Middle School is known for giving kids referrals for just about everything—sometimes it feels like even breathing too loudly. My 8th grader received another referral today. Last week, he got one for having too many tarries across all his classes—this was his fourth combined tardy this quarter.
He’s also had referrals for having his cell phone out, a few for “interfering with learning” in the classroom, and one for shoving while playing around with a friend. I’m not saying he’s perfect, but it honestly doesn’t feel like the school truly cares about addressing behavior in a meaningful way. He’s had ISS a few times and been removed from class, but nothing major like a suspension. At this point, I’m just questioning whether discipline referrals actually mean anything or help change behavior, because from a parent’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like they do.
When my son was in elementary , he only received one referral in 6th grade and hardly any before that. This year alone, he’s received more referrals than all his previous years combined. It honestly feels like schools are quick to write kids up now, often for minor issues rather than addressing behavior in a productive way. We’re starting to wonder if discipline referrals are being overused instead of actually helping students succeed. Is anyone else dealing with the same issue at their school?


What?

You are blaming the school because your kid's behavior is bad?

No my dear you failed as a parent and are still failing.

You are failing your kid. Get parenting help now.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 10:34     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Update: After reviewing SIS for this school year, I want to clarify that my son has received three discipline referrals for behavior, one of which was for not reporting to detention. In addition, he has received three referrals for excessive tardies and two referrals related to cell phone use.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2026 10:30     Subject: Do discipline referrals mean anything anymore?
Carson Middle School is known for giving kids referrals for just about everything—sometimes it feels like even breathing too loudly. My 8th grader received another referral today. Last week, he got one for having too many tarries across all his classes—this was his fourth combined tardy this quarter.
He’s also had referrals for having his cell phone out, a few for “interfering with learning” in the classroom, and one for shoving while playing around with a friend. I’m not saying he’s perfect, but it honestly doesn’t feel like the school truly cares about addressing behavior in a meaningful way. He’s had ISS a few times and been removed from class, but nothing major like a suspension. At this point, I’m just questioning whether discipline referrals actually mean anything or help change behavior, because from a parent’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like they do.
When my son was in elementary , he only received one referral in 6th grade and hardly any before that. This year alone, he’s received more referrals than all his previous years combined. It honestly feels like schools are quick to write kids up now, often for minor issues rather than addressing behavior in a productive way. We’re starting to wonder if discipline referrals are being overused instead of actually helping students succeed. Is anyone else dealing with the same issue at their school?