Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:37     Subject: Secret Santa
Anonymous wrote:No one feels bad for you/her. Good lord.


Go away. I did not ask anyone to feel bad for her or me (not sure where I come in).

Good Lord
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:36     Subject: Secret Santa
Anonymous wrote:For 13 year olds it should be $5 or less. I can't imagine a 13 needing to spend $25 on a friend from school. And Secret Santa gift exchanges don't usually make requests of what they want.


Op. These kids had a shared document that she showed me. Every kid put a whole paragraph of items they wanted and what they definitely do not want.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:35     Subject: Secret Santa
No one feels bad for you/her. Good lord.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:33     Subject: Secret Santa
For 13 year olds it should be $5 or less. I can't imagine a 13 needing to spend $25 on a friend from school. And Secret Santa gift exchanges don't usually make requests of what they want.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:32     Subject: Secret Santa
Anonymous wrote:Yes. It's supposed to be fun. If she's still ruminating in disappointment over it ten days into January, maybe you suggest she not do it next year and spend her allowance on buying herself what she wants.


Not ruminating. They did it this week.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:30     Subject: Secret Santa
Anonymous wrote:It's sad but at least the kid gave something. They probably didnt have the money to get a gift but wanted to participate.
My 13yo has never done one. If asked to I would encourage a lower amount, like something from five below.



Op. This was what I said when she came home and said their budget was $25. I told her it's too much but she said it has been decided and she stressed out herself and me.

I did tell her to appreciate the effort the kid put in and you could tell she was trying to convince herself that it was a good gift.



Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:30     Subject: Secret Santa
My kid did it in groups in sixth and seventh grade, got burned both times after investing a lot of time and energy making and buying gifts and getting nothing one year and a junky dollar store item the other. It sounded like the girl running it rigged the name hand out at least one of the years.

Thankfully she opted out in eighth grade and just exchanged gifts with a couple close friends and largely has left the drama-filled secret Santa clique.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:26     Subject: Secret Santa
Yes. It's supposed to be fun. If she's still ruminating in disappointment over it ten days into January, maybe you suggest she not do it next year and spend her allowance on buying herself what she wants.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:23     Subject: Secret Santa
It's sad but at least the kid gave something. They probably didnt have the money to get a gift but wanted to participate.
My 13yo has never done one. If asked to I would encourage a lower amount, like something from five below.

Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:23     Subject: Secret Santa
Anonymous wrote:DD participated in a Secret Santa at school and the kids had decided to buy something for $25 and also give a hand made item. She was going on and on about it stressing herself even when I told her not to and we went shopping and she used her allowance and got all that the child she got wanted. Her Secret Santa gave her a hand made item and something DD saw at the dollar store.

Apparently she and another kid were the only ones who didn't get anything they wanted. DD said she was sad - it's a life lesson learned the hard way and she will get over it.

My question - do your kids participate in this? If it goes bad, what do you do? I suggested limiting the budget to $5 or $10 and a handmade item next year to make it affordable for everyone.



Stop just stop.

Don't participate next year. If your kid doesn't understand what happened here you failed.

Secret Santa is stupid.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:21     Subject: Secret Santa
You teach your kid it’s about the giving and not receiving. It’s a fun game you don’t get butt hurt over.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:21     Subject: Secret Santa
I participated in an adult one and it’s always hit or miss. Keep it fun, love your friends and lower expectations.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:20     Subject: Secret Santa
I have boys, so no.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:20     Subject: Secret Santa
That's the risk of secret Santa. There's nothing you can or should do. Now she knows to factor in this risk when deciding to participate in the future.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2026 10:18     Subject: Secret Santa
DD participated in a Secret Santa at school and the kids had decided to buy something for $25 and also give a hand made item. She was going on and on about it stressing herself even when I told her not to and we went shopping and she used her allowance and got all that the child she got wanted. Her Secret Santa gave her a hand made item and something DD saw at the dollar store.

Apparently she and another kid were the only ones who didn't get anything they wanted. DD said she was sad - it's a life lesson learned the hard way and she will get over it.

My question - do your kids participate in this? If it goes bad, what do you do? I suggested limiting the budget to $5 or $10 and a handmade item next year to make it affordable for everyone.