Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a mom friend group where we started out with babies but now travel together. The leader of this travel friend group is so bossy and calls all the shots. She is opinionated and not flexible so the rest of us have to just follow everything she does. She picks the dates, location, activities, food. It used to be fun to escape and get a break but now i dread these trips with her. I like the other people in the friend group.

Would you continue to go to see the other friends?

Need more info. Are you speaking up and what's happening? Is she unlikeable (to you) during the trip?

You offer to plan the trip. It's a lot of work to plan trips and doing it by committee makes it 10x more work. You're riding her free labor and probably all of you have been doing it a while. So maybe she's just lost the niceties. Or plan a trip and don't include her if you don't like her.

Op here. We have been on several trips together. We used to have long text chains on activities, restaurants, lodging, etc. Now there is no discussion. She picks dates that work for her, books lodging and says she can always cancel later and then makes reservations just in case. I don’t think she wants other people’s inputs. She does not compromise.

Before considering the option of quitting, why not decide to act more empowered. You will have to know your own mind. Previously, you had the luxury of not thinking about it much. Want to arrive at another time? Do it. Independently meet them, where you want, when you want, to do what you want. State it ahead of time, well-planned, so you're not inconveniencing anyone. Just act. No convincing anyone needed, of why your plans are different this time. If you talk too much, it'll result in drama.

You don't break from a leader without good reason. You have thought about it, know what you want to be different, and respectfully act on it.

Send her my way! I love going on trips where I don’t pick anything, I have so much decision fatigue.

She is the queen bee and makes things happen.
Flattering her might make it more enjoyable for you.

Are you not allowed to see the others in the group without Ms Bossy?

You're a whole entire adult... Do what you want Ma'am.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does everyone feel this way? Are other people offering plans and their voices are silenced? Surely people aren’t showing up to travel on a trip they don’t want to go on.

Sometimes it’s nice to have someone take charge and make plans and you can just show up.

I do think she thinks she is taking charge. We used to get input but now she plans everything and we are all quiet.

This probably also has to do with the fact that we don’t see one another like we used to before Covid when kids were babies or in preschool. Our kids all go to different schools so see one another infrequently.

That's on you, then

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a mom friend group where we started out with babies but now travel together. The leader of this travel friend group is so bossy and calls all the shots. She is opinionated and not flexible so the rest of us have to just follow everything she does. She picks the dates, location, activities, food. It used to be fun to escape and get a break but now i dread these trips with her. I like the other people in the friend group.

Would you continue to go to see the other friends?

Um, no you don't. Why don't the rest of you speak up ("hey Janet, none of us like sushi so we're not going to go to the restaurant that only serves sushi")?

Also, why don't you plan a trip?

Why don’t you offer to organize it?

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a mom friend group where we started out with babies but now travel together. The leader of this travel friend group is so bossy and calls all the shots. She is opinionated and not flexible so the rest of us have to just follow everything she does. She picks the dates, location, activities, food. It used to be fun to escape and get a break but now i dread these trips with her. I like the other people in the friend group.

Would you continue to go to see the other friends?

Need more info. Are you speaking up and what's happening? Is she unlikeable (to you) during the trip?

You offer to plan the trip. It's a lot of work to plan trips and doing it by committee makes it 10x more work. You're riding her free labor and probably all of you have been doing it a while. So maybe she's just lost the niceties. Or plan a trip and don't include her if you don't like her.

Has anyone ever just said no this doesn't work for me? Closed mouths don't get fed.

Anonymous wrote:Does everyone feel this way? Are other people offering plans and their voices are silenced? Surely people aren’t showing up to travel on a trip they don’t want to go on.

Sometimes it’s nice to have someone take charge and make plans and you can just show up.

I do think she thinks she is taking charge. We used to get input but now she plans everything and we are all quiet.

This probably also has to do with the fact that we don’t see one another like we used to before Covid when kids were babies or in preschool. Our kids all go to different schools so see one another infrequently.

Does everyone feel this way? Are other people offering plans and their voices are silenced? Surely people aren’t showing up to travel on a trip they don’t want to go on.

Sometimes it’s nice to have someone take charge and make plans and you can just show up.

Can you give an example?

Not without calling out a couple very specific behaviors that could make the trip a lot better. Like if you're okay with the destination but not the activities, say, "larla, thanks so much for planning all this out. I'm not up for xyz this year. Can we look into doing abc or even splitting the group if some people want one or the other more?" Or "this looks amazing but I think it might be more fair if we take turns picking the food."

And not saying "you're bossy," which alone is too general and hard to correct, but in the moment, if she's shutting someone down, "say, hey, let's hear what Sally wants to do."

Basically give her a chance to back down. Sometimes in friend groups if most people are busy or lackadaisical, someone picks up the slack on planning, but then gets into a bad pattern where they feel like they have to do everything and if they don't, nothing will happen. If there's a chance that's happening, kindly give her a chance to take a break from painting herself into that role. But be prepared to step up and help.

I’m in a mom friend group where we started out with babies but now travel together. The leader of this travel friend group is so bossy and calls all the shots. She is opinionated and not flexible so the rest of us have to just follow everything she does. She picks the dates, location, activities, food. It used to be fun to escape and get a break but now i dread these trips with her. I like the other people in the friend group.

Would you continue to go to see the other friends?