Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds reasonable, and while I don’t know what age you guys are, I would recommend a Mac desktop computer.

Millennials had computers in the home growing up, one dedicated home computer for everyone in a central location, and it teaches all the digital skills that people use to justify giving kids phones

Having it be a Mac would allow your kids to text once they are in middle school, but only from the computer, and allows them to FaceTime

My plan is gameboy color for kids once they’re 4 years old, gameboy advance SP (with a backlight) once they’re in middle school, and we already have a switch and PlayStation in the living room tv.

I don’t think video games are bad, as long as portable ones are limited like the above models

Console games work because you have to allow other people to use the tv as well, and kids will probably want to play social games like Minecraft (although I would stay away from Roblox)

Op here yes we're both Millennials and we're considering a family computer in the main room when the time comes.
I think we're willing to modify the phone thing if really needed I think our perspective is we're likely going to be the ones driving them around at least until high school so don't see the need for a phone but again we are open to revising. Thanks for the feedback everyone.

You can always have a "family cell phone" like millennials used to have too. If a kid is going somewhere with friends, they get the family phone. We typically keep the family cell phone at home, so anyone could use it in an emergency or to call 911.

Anonymous wrote:The weakest link in this is the parents. So it's up to you whether or not it's sustainable.

Totally disagree. Weakest link is schools. My one kid is getting up to 5 hours a day of screen time. I know this because I get reports via email regarding his school laptop. We don't allow it at home and the kids get minimal screen time at home.

We allow a bit more TV time in the winter because it's dark by 5pm and parents had a lot of work to do for the holidays (cooking, writing cards, cleaning, decorating). But otherwise my kids don't have tablet access and won't have phones until high school. On road trips over 4 hours or plane rides they get ipads, but they're not theirs, they're just borrowing.

I'm so sick of people blaming parents when all I see is kids getting unlimited everything in schools. My kids are off playing minecraft instead of math while in school. That's on the teacher, not me.

https://www.thecut.com/article/phones-waiting-parent-groups-jonathan-haidt-awkwardness.html

This article basically sums up the dynamic. You can avoid the paywall with chrome incognito mode.

Understand that older kids have longer activities lasting like 3 hours or more, and you may drive them there but you won't always be waiting during it. So you might want them to be able to contact you. Also there's more carpooling and it's nice to be able to offer or accept rides on short notice.

Also, teens and tweens are terrible social planners and tend to make after school and weekend plans on very short notice. They're not necessarily going to go out of their way to contact a no-phone kid, because they're thoughtless and can barely accomplish any planning without screwing it up. So your kid will be left out, and you and your kid won't even find out about it until after. You might think it's just one outing or get-together, but it adds up and over time your kid is left on the sidelines socially.

You might feel these things are a price worth paying. But other parents may not, despite any pledges they may have signed that they never actually cared about.

Also, you may see an uptick in divorce as your peer group grows older. Older children of divorce have more need for phones because their logistics are more complicated and their parents may want to facilitate easy contact on the days they don't have custody.

Anonymous wrote:This sounds reasonable, and while I don’t know what age you guys are, I would recommend a Mac desktop computer.

Millennials had computers in the home growing up, one dedicated home computer for everyone in a central location, and it teaches all the digital skills that people use to justify giving kids phones

Having it be a Mac would allow your kids to text once they are in middle school, but only from the computer, and allows them to FaceTime

My plan is gameboy color for kids once they’re 4 years old, gameboy advance SP (with a backlight) once they’re in middle school, and we already have a switch and PlayStation in the living room tv.

I don’t think video games are bad, as long as portable ones are limited like the above models

Console games work because you have to allow other people to use the tv as well, and kids will probably want to play social games like Minecraft (although I would stay away from Roblox)

Op here yes we're both Millennials and we're considering a family computer in the main room when the time comes.
I think we're willing to modify the phone thing if really needed I think our perspective is we're likely going to be the ones driving them around at least until high school so don't see the need for a phone but again we are open to revising. Thanks for the feedback everyone.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a very reasonable policy. And also, I really don’t care whether my kids are “left out” by not having a phone. These devices are so distracting and can really screw up academic performance, and also cause serious mental health problems in teenagers.

Fortunately for us not only is our K-8 device-free, but most of the parents have signed a pledge not to give their kids phones while they attend the school, so that significantly cuts down on the peer pressure.

You think you don't care now, but you might care when it's time and the consequences are happening. For some kids this matters, for some it doesn't.

I think you're being very naive to believe in these pledges and school policies. They're really not enforceable. Parents of little kids will say what's socially expected of them, but what people actually do when it's time to choose can be quite different.

Yes, except I recommend keeping an open mind about not giving phones until high school. This can become quite inconvenient for you. Our 6th grader has a phone, but we made it clear that it’s for contacting her parents or calling her grandparents. A tiny amount of texting friends, but no social media, no playing on it, etc at this age. So far her usage is less than 5 min a day. It was similar for our now teen when he first got a phone in MS.

This sounds reasonable, and while I don’t know what age you guys are, I would recommend a Mac desktop computer.

Millennials had computers in the home growing up, one dedicated home computer for everyone in a central location, and it teaches all the digital skills that people use to justify giving kids phones

Having it be a Mac would allow your kids to text once they are in middle school, but only from the computer, and allows them to FaceTime

My plan is gameboy color for kids once they’re 4 years old, gameboy advance SP (with a backlight) once they’re in middle school, and we already have a switch and PlayStation in the living room tv.

I don’t think video games are bad, as long as portable ones are limited like the above models

Console games work because you have to allow other people to use the tv as well, and kids will probably want to play social games like Minecraft (although I would stay away from Roblox)

85% of my sixth graders classmates have phones. 100% have phones or tablets. Meh.

Sounds like a very reasonable policy. And also, I really don’t care whether my kids are “left out” by not having a phone. These devices are so distracting and can really screw up academic performance, and also cause serious mental health problems in teenagers.

Fortunately for us not only is our K-8 device-free, but most of the parents have signed a pledge not to give their kids phones while they attend the school, so that significantly cuts down on the peer pressure.

We were successfully able to limit screen time to 3 hours per week until Covid. Kids were teens (HS), and it all went to h@ll. Gave up going back to limits after that.

The weakest link in this is the parents. So it's up to you whether or not it's sustainable.

I think the only problem I see is that once kids are texting, messaging and using FT, your kids will be left out. You might be fine with that.

IMO, a key to less screen time is introducing them to hobbies and doing things as a family. For example, we play games together every day. Some people do puzzles. We also have a game room (ping pong and pool) which attracts their friends. It keeps the desire for screen time down so we don’t really have to restrict it.

This isn't really that restrictive, honestly. They are watching tv every day.

The phones, you can try. I caved and got a gizmo watch when my DD had more freedom and I wanted to track her. They may be left out without at least a iPad or Apple watch to text in middle.

Of course it's sustainable. It's entirely up to you.

I think you may run into trouble when your child wants to be part of text groups or FaceTime chats in middle school. Of course, you can say no. But it will affect their social inclusion. Up to you if that's a price with paying.

Sometimes my kids have projects or group work that they do together over FaceTime. If you're no-screen, then you would have to figure out a workaround that is doable for everyone in the group-- the other parents may find it annoying if you're particular about this. Personally, I appreciate the flexibility of letting them do group work without having to drive them to someone's house.

You may want your middle schoolers to be able to reach you when they are out and about. Some people get watches or flip phones for this.

Instead of doing no screens DH and I are trying to keep screens to how we had them as kids.
Our kids are 5 ,7 and 9 attend a private school that is very limited screens think maybe an occasional educational clip in the older ones class for science studies.


At home after school they sometimes have an hour of a show they like. Or maybe we watch a family movie in the evening.

Saturday mornings they get a couple of hours of cartoons while DH and I sleep in.


We plan on no phones or social media to highschool.
They don't have tablets.
Oldest recently asked for PlayStation but was happy with a retro hand held game that he gets occasional time with .