She sounds depressed to me and she probably needs help from a therapist and possibly medication. You’ve basically outlined how she has lost interest in things that used to interest her, and that she has decreased energy overall. That’s depression. It may be situational - like as soon as she gets her bearings and a new friend group she will be okay. But in the meantime I would be very worried about those Cs and what that might mean for college in the future (unless you just expected her to go to an in state public in which case don’t stress about the grades just make sure she keeps passing her classes). But overall I do think she needs some talk therapy, I do think she needs to join Something, so that she feels better about the situation as she heads into summer. Because if in June she is feeling and being the same way - that’s trouble.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like her middle school did not prepare her well for the rigors of high school. Cs are not acceptable, OP. She desperately needs tutoring because she's not mastering the content at all. It's not like she's in AP Physics C or something, where B is pretty good. If these are regular 9th grader classes, she needs to get mostly As, some Bs. Otherwise there's an academic problem.

She’s always had problems with math and we did have a tutor for a while but it didn’t really help. It’s like she has no motivation though she did try really hard last year.

So you knew she had a shaky math base and you didn't do much to help. Well, you shouldn't be surprised that she's not getting it now, math is the one subject that requires absolute mastery in the lower grades in order to sustain the high school pace, because it builds on itself. You need to try as many different tutors as need be to make it work, and intensively, OP. There are a ton on Wyzant. She's probably missing vast chunks of mathematical understanding here. It's not going to be a quick fix. She will probably need intensive tutoring during the summer too. Do you think she has learning disabilities or inattention or anything like that, which would require accommodation?

Of course she has no motivation. Emotionally it's very hard to power through such a transition, coming from behind. She could very well be a little depressed, but the solution isn't to cure the depression, the solution is to make her understand more math - because that will cure the depression, through increased feelings of confidence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like her middle school did not prepare her well for the rigors of high school. Cs are not acceptable, OP. She desperately needs tutoring because she's not mastering the content at all. It's not like she's in AP Physics C or something, where B is pretty good. If these are regular 9th grader classes, she needs to get mostly As, some Bs. Otherwise there's an academic problem.

She’s always had problems with math and we did have a tutor for a while but it didn’t really help. It’s like she has no motivation though she did try really hard last year.

Not all math tutors are created equal. If it didn't help, keep trying until you find someone who does, otherwise this will only get worse. And stop blaming her for not getting it despite trying hard. I agree she sounds depressed.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like her middle school did not prepare her well for the rigors of high school. Cs are not acceptable, OP. She desperately needs tutoring because she's not mastering the content at all. It's not like she's in AP Physics C or something, where B is pretty good. If these are regular 9th grader classes, she needs to get mostly As, some Bs. Otherwise there's an academic problem.

She’s always had problems with math and we did have a tutor for a while but it didn’t really help. It’s like she has no motivation though she did try really hard last year.

Anonymous wrote:How did her MS friends end up in different public HS? Or did they all go private?

Some got into the selective highschools, some went private, some moved and a couple went to the same school as her so think goodness for that haha

Sounds like her middle school did not prepare her well for the rigors of high school. Cs are not acceptable, OP. She desperately needs tutoring because she's not mastering the content at all. It's not like she's in AP Physics C or something, where B is pretty good. If these are regular 9th grader classes, she needs to get mostly As, some Bs. Otherwise there's an academic problem.

How did her MS friends end up in different public HS? Or did they all go private?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the responses. To clarify her grades fall between C’s and A’s and I don’t know if it’s just because the curriculum is harder but she’s never gotten C’s before…

She also seems down and says she doesn’t have the motivation to go to any clubs or sports she just wants to go back to her old life.

Cs are not ok. Most public schools have grade inflation and Cs are bad grades.

She sounds depressed. Does she have a therapist? Find her one if not. And honestly you need to tell her going back to her old life is not an option and she needs to throw herself into her new one.

She sounds athletic - she should try out for a sport.

Was she short and popular and well developed in middle school?

She definitely really enjoyed middle school and had a big friend group as well in many clubs and activities. The principal and staff knew her by her name and she was well connected with the teachers. I don’t know why you are asking if she was short??

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the responses. To clarify her grades fall between C’s and A’s and I don’t know if it’s just because the curriculum is harder but she’s never gotten C’s before…

She also seems down and says she doesn’t have the motivation to go to any clubs or sports she just wants to go back to her old life.

Cs are not ok. Most public schools have grade inflation and Cs are bad grades.

She sounds depressed. Does she have a therapist? Find her one if not. And honestly you need to tell her going back to her old life is not an option and she needs to throw herself into her new one.

She sounds athletic - she should try out for a sport.

Was she short and popular and well developed in middle school?

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the responses. To clarify her grades fall between C’s and A’s and I don’t know if it’s just because the curriculum is harder but she’s never gotten C’s before…

She also seems down and says she doesn’t have the motivation to go to any clubs or sports she just wants to go back to her old life.

Ah. I wouldn't call that OK at all. She needs tutors. Don't let Cs drag her transcript down, OP. By "OK" I thought you meant a stray B or something.

Thanks for all the responses. To clarify her grades fall between C’s and A’s and I don’t know if it’s just because the curriculum is harder but she’s never gotten C’s before…

She also seems down and says she doesn’t have the motivation to go to any clubs or sports she just wants to go back to her old life.

"She has friends and is doing OK academically."

What more do you want, OP? High school is a difficult transition. My son had a difficult time too, and it didn't help that the pandemic started in his second semester. My daughter had an easier time only because she had spent 8th grade being bussed to her high school for first period for one class, so she felt a little more familiar with the building.

Continue to provide lots of support and encouragement.

Op, encourage DD to join track and field in the Spring. She will make many new friends and adjust. If you can, take her to somewhere warm this winter. Even a 3 day weekend to get sunshine will do wonders.

I think the beginning of high school is very hard for a lot of kids. Especially a big public one. My son was basically starting over with no friends because of split feeder and kids leaving for private.

The best advice is get her involved in something that makes the environment smaller. Sports, an active club, theater, band, choir, etc. Once my son did this he made found his place and was a lot happier.

I’m hoping to get some perspective from parents who’ve been through this.
My 15 year old daughter is a freshman this year. She didn’t get into a selective high school and is attending our in boundary school, which has been a bigger adjustment than we anticipated.
She has friends and is doing ok academically, but she’s not happy and feels overwhelmed much of the time. She often says she misses her friends who ended up at other schools, and she really misses her old life in middle school.
We’re also seeing changes that worry us a bit. she chose not to try out for the basketball team this year (something she used to enjoy) and hasn’t been very interested in extracurriculars in general which wasn’t the case last year in middle school.
Unfortunately, private school isn’t financially an option for us, so we’re trying to understand whether this is a fairly typical freshman-year adjustment or a sign that she’s truly struggling and may need a different path.
I’d really appreciate hearing from parents whose kids went through something similar-did things improve with time, or did you end up making a change? Thank you so much for any insight.