If there are kids who are of equal standing without the negative rec applying your kids is out

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you think the teacher is going to say? I think how much it impacts your DC’s chances really depends on that.

Op here. I think the teacher will say DC is disrespectful towards this teacher and possibly has low frustration tolerance. (I would argue teacher is disrespectful and out of line with how they treat DC but I don’t get a say here) But the teacher won’t dispute that DC is diligent about work, engaged in class and academically high performing.

Yikes.

Disrespectful behavior severe enough to be mentioned in a letter of recommendation is enough of a ding to keep you out of places you ought to get into but more recent positive recommendations can mitigate that.

If the disrespectful behavior was also public or disruptive, then it's very bad and is much harder to run damage control.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you think the teacher is going to say? I think how much it impacts your DC’s chances really depends on that.

Op here. I think the teacher will say DC is disrespectful towards this teacher and possibly has low frustration tolerance. (I would argue teacher is disrespectful and out of line with how they treat DC but I don’t get a say here) But the teacher won’t dispute that DC is diligent about work, engaged in class and academically high performing.

It’s not great, but I also don’t think that alone would prevent him from being accepted if the other teachers say the opposite. Plus, if you have to submit one from this teacher, there isn’t much you can do about it. Although, if there is an option to submit an additional recommendation, I would do that.

Between a rock and a hard spot. I fear one of my daughter’s teachers will do the same. When she had a bad day the teacher emailed me and said she didn’t do well in class at this point I cannot write a good recommendation. She did not see the larger picture nor parents trying to make the best decision for their child. I ended up writing a mass email to everyone I was requesting a recommendation from and gave them more information about the school and why we as parents think it is the best fit for our daughter. Obviously I’ll never see what she wrote but I tried my best to advocate for my child and inform the teacher more about the school.

I have read admissions files and can definitely spot a discrepancy like this. Some kids and teachers just don't mix. I wouldn't panic over this.

Life lesson in here for your kid to understand who they need in their corner, whether or not they found the teacher disrespectful or not.

I’d be prepping your kid for the likelihood that it will matter. If you are looking at a selective school with a high number of applicants, all things equal, this will not go in their favor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really need to submit all 4? Seems like a lot. You could always use the "Anything else you want to tell us" question most applications have to try to explain. But I would be careful how you come off in your explanation and you might bring more attention to it than necessary. If you have to submit this recommendation just let it go, its out of your control.

Op here. Yes, I’m required to submit this particular teacher's subject so there’s no avoiding it. I can add supplemental recs which I will do.

Then it is what it is, and you can't do much about it (assuming you already had some sort of parent teacher conference in which you tried to see what could be done to improve the relationship between your kid and the teacher).

Anonymous wrote:Do you really need to submit all 4? Seems like a lot. You could always use the "Anything else you want to tell us" question most applications have to try to explain. But I would be careful how you come off in your explanation and you might bring more attention to it than necessary. If you have to submit this recommendation just let it go, its out of your control.

Op here. Yes, I’m required to submit this particular teacher's subject so there’s no avoiding it. I can add supplemental recs which I will do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you think the teacher is going to say? I think how much it impacts your DC’s chances really depends on that.

Op here. I think the teacher will say DC is disrespectful towards this teacher and possibly has low frustration tolerance. (I would argue teacher is disrespectful and out of line with how they treat DC but I don’t get a say here) But the teacher won’t dispute that DC is diligent about work, engaged in class and academically high performing.

Being characterized as disrespectful by a teacher isn't a good thing, so if it's a competitive school, it's a definite red flag (although the other 2 recs will help).

Do you really need to submit all 4? Seems like a lot. You could always use the "Anything else you want to tell us" question most applications have to try to explain. But I would be careful how you come off in your explanation and you might bring more attention to it than necessary. If you have to submit this recommendation just let it go, its out of your control.

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends, if the negative one is the only current year teacher, or the only academic subject teacher, then I think you’ll have a bigger issue than if at least one of the other glowing recs is a current year, academic subject teacher.

Thanks. Two of the recs are current teachers and one is admin who has known dc for many years.

I think it depends, if the negative one is the only current year teacher, or the only academic subject teacher, then I think you’ll have a bigger issue than if at least one of the other glowing recs is a current year, academic subject teacher.

Anonymous wrote:What do you think the teacher is going to say? I think how much it impacts your DC’s chances really depends on that.

Op here. I think the teacher will say DC is disrespectful towards this teacher and possibly has low frustration tolerance. (I would argue teacher is disrespectful and out of line with how they treat DC but I don’t get a say here) But the teacher won’t dispute that DC is diligent about work, engaged in class and academically high performing.

What do you think the teacher is going to say? I think how much it impacts your DC’s chances really depends on that.

Will two glowing recommendations for MS outweigh one negative one coming from public school? Grades are excellent, as was interview and shadow day. This is for a private school that isn’t as competitive as the big 3. We had no choice but to ask for this recommendation. I haven’t seen any of them but can assume three will be great and one won’t be. Because the recs are coming from public school, they aren’t run by the HOS or anything and teacher can pretty much say what they want without any dispute. It’s super frustrating because I feel like our child has been unfairly goaded and targeted by this teacher. No, I have not said anything to the teacher myself about this for fear of being labeled difficult. Just sucking it up and hoping for the best and telling my kid to do the same.