OP here- thanks for the feedback. I’m surprised how many others have no problem with their young teens drinking super highly caffeinated drinks. And yes I’m talking about her lending her iPad (technically not hers since we paid for it) and giving her friend the password when we’ve specifically said no.
I didnt think those kinds of things were terribly onerous rules for a 13-year-old.

Well, OP might be talking about those crazy caffeine drinks from 7-11 that kill people. I don't think that rule is nuts. If she is talking about Mountain Dew, then yeah, nuts.

I don’t let my 13yo DD drink caffeinated drinks at home, we don’t have any in the house. Well, we have coffee but she’s not interested. If she was at a friends and had a coke I’d be ok if it was occasionally. Where is she getting the drinks to leave in the trash? I’d probably let that one go a little bit. We talk about food and drinks regarding health because she’s active in sports though.

If you already said no to lending the item and she did it anyway, I agree with you there needs to be a consequence. I’d make her get it back for starters, asap. Then probably take her phone away for a week.
If I hadn’t already said no, I might feel differently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young teen breaks a small rule- drinks highly caffeinated drinks when we don’t allow them (we’ve found cans in the trash), loans a friend an expensive item of hers when we said no, etc.). We’re struggling with what the consequence should be. She’s a super kid but these little things drive me crazy. On the one hand they’re little things but I don’t want her to think she can ignore even small rules.

Lighten up your controlling rules.

+1

Independence isn't a switch you flip when they turn 18. It happens over time, and it begins with things like this.

Don’t make rules that aren’t important enough to enforce if they’re broken.

Stop buying expensive things and teach her to say no. Energy Drink - where does she get the money?

Anonymous wrote:Young teen breaks a small rule- drinks highly caffeinated drinks when we don’t allow them (we’ve found cans in the trash), loans a friend an expensive item of hers when we said no, etc.). We’re struggling with what the consequence should be. She’s a super kid but these little things drive me crazy. On the one hand they’re little things but I don’t want her to think she can ignore even small rules.

Lighten up your controlling rules.

Let it go....
too controlling and she will continue to break these "small rules" that you cannot really enforce.
Focus on the bigger things like drugs and alcohol.

Anonymous wrote:Young teen breaks a small rule- drinks highly caffeinated drinks when we don’t allow them (we’ve found cans in the trash), loans a friend an expensive item of hers when we said no, etc.). We’re struggling with what the consequence should be. She’s a super kid but these little things drive me crazy. On the one hand they’re little things but I don’t want her to think she can ignore even small rules.

These rules are too much. This is the perfect example of what natural consequences are for. She gets the jitters from the drinks? Oh well. Her iPad is broken? Sucks for her.

Anonymous wrote:Young teen breaks a small rule- drinks highly caffeinated drinks when we don’t allow them (we’ve found cans in the trash), loans a friend an expensive item of hers when we said no, etc.). We’re struggling with what the consequence should be. She’s a super kid but these little things drive me crazy. On the one hand they’re little things but I don’t want her to think she can ignore even small rules.

I would just not have these rules.

Anonymous wrote:These rules are controlling and overbearing for teenagers or even tweens. I would pull way back. Trying to control what someone puts in their body as rigidly as you describe is definitely going to backfire.

Assuming we’re talking about iPads and not cars loaning items out and getting burned is a life lesson. I would draw a line at loaning a vehicle.

It’s funny you say that because my friends and I were always borrowing or driving each other’s cars when we were teens 😂 I do think of our parents would’ve known they would’ve not like that. But this was also back in the day where you could get your kid a beater for 500 bucks.
I agree with other posters that you are being way too controlling. These are things that have natural consequences and if she doesn’t learn them now it’s going to be much harder as an adult.

My DDs best friend has a controlling mother. Their friends bring the girl what she wants at school- food, drinks, clothes, etc.

While I agree caffeinated drinks like Alani are terrible, and share resources with my kid on why, AND had the pediatrician talk with her about it.. I would never set a consequence for her choosing consume one. It’s not illegal. They will get it one way or another.

I don’t think you can control food/drinks/snacks outside of not buying them yourself and not keeping them in your home. Remind her that other people may not be careful with her stuff if she lends it out, and it may be damaged - or lost altogether. Which is the natural consequence of such things and she would be expected to pay for the replacement if she wants to replace it.

These rules are controlling and overbearing for teenagers or even tweens. I would pull way back. Trying to control what someone puts in their body as rigidly as you describe is definitely going to backfire.

Assuming we’re talking about iPads and not cars loaning items out and getting burned is a life lesson. I would draw a line at loaning a vehicle.

Young teen breaks a small rule- drinks highly caffeinated drinks when we don’t allow them (we’ve found cans in the trash), loans a friend an expensive item of hers when we said no, etc.). We’re struggling with what the consequence should be. She’s a super kid but these little things drive me crazy. On the one hand they’re little things but I don’t want her to think she can ignore even small rules.