Anonymous wrote:My mother-in-law left a Pyrex dish at my house on Thanksgiving that I need to get back to her. She left a voice mail the other day reminding me to bring it to an upcoming family party, then immediately sent me a text directing me to check my voice mail because I hadn't answered the phone. I didn't respond because I was busy and, frankly, she frequently does this--barraging me with calls and texts (she already knows DH often doesn't respond to calls and texts and he's not going to be at the party because he'll be traveling). Later in the evening, while DH and I were at a Chanukah gathering, she called me several times, which I ignored.

This morning, she called again to ask me if I'd gotten her message about the Pyrex dish, then asked me to please keep my text notifications on. I told her I keep them off because I don't want to be disturbed, but I assured her I'd gotten her message and would bring the dish to the party

DH and I have had several discussions about her frantic and incessant communications and largely agree, but this time he told me I brought this on myself by not simply responding to her initial call/text. I prefer to keep boundaries and not jump like a trained seal the minute I hear from her (or anyone). AITA?

Yes

It's been 3+ weeks since Thanksgiving. She probably needs it back for the next holiday and you're being difficult.

I'm with your DH. Don't be an immature jerk. If you had responded within the hour with "will do" and you would have been done with it. Instead you are in some weird power struggle.

Anonymous wrote:In what world is someone obligated to respond immediately to prevent someone from "spiraling"? My grown kids don't always respond immediately if it's not an emergency.

She didn’t respond *at all*. MIL got nothing but crickets. Team MIL here. I think you were just messing with her OP. There would no “barrage” if you had taken two seconds to say yup, got it. Admit it, you wanted to test her to see how many times she’d contact you without a response from you. You played the game and then got mad at her for it, running to your husband to complain about the very behavior you caused and encouraged. You sound like a total a-hole here.

Anonymous wrote:In what world is someone obligated to respond immediately to prevent someone from "spiraling"? My grown kids don't always respond immediately if it's not an emergency.

Not immediately but within a reasonable time frame. MIL first contacted her the other day.

Are you saying you dont respond for days when your kids text you with a question? I think that is equally odd and wrong as OP. Refusing to respond to people to leave them hanging for days is about power and control.

Anonymous wrote:In what world is someone obligated to respond immediately to prevent someone from "spiraling"? My grown kids don't always respond immediately if it's not an emergency.

Op didn't respond immediately. It sounds like she didn't respond until the next morning.

Anonymous wrote:All you had to do is send a quick text at some point in the day to say you would bring it.

Playing mind games and refusing to respond to her and giving her silent treatment to watch her spiral is no more mature or functional than she is.

+1000000

Anonymous wrote:All you had to do is send a quick text at some point in the day to say you would bring it.

Playing mind games and refusing to respond to her and giving her silent treatment to watch her spiral is no more mature or functional than she is.

+1

Anonymous wrote:This is where that "thumbs up" emoji comes in super handy.

Beat me to this post.

In what world is someone obligated to respond immediately to prevent someone from "spiraling"? My grown kids don't always respond immediately if it's not an emergency.

I would also find it frustrating if I left something at someone’s house and they refused to respond to me for days as to whether they had it and would return it.

But no one in my family or friend group would refuse to respond. They would all text back and say got it, will bring it.

This is where that "thumbs up" emoji comes in super handy.

All you had to do is send a quick text at some point in the day to say you would bring it.

Playing mind games and refusing to respond to her and giving her silent treatment to watch her spiral is no more mature or functional than she is.

Eh just send a quick “will do” text next time. If it’s a voice message you’re responding to, send a quick “got your voice message. Will do” text. And then ignore any further communication. It’s a power move to respond quickly and dispassionately and then ignore.

My mother-in-law left a Pyrex dish at my house on Thanksgiving that I need to get back to her. She left a voice mail the other day reminding me to bring it to an upcoming family party, then immediately sent me a text directing me to check my voice mail because I hadn't answered the phone. I didn't respond because I was busy and, frankly, she frequently does this--barraging me with calls and texts (she already knows DH often doesn't respond to calls and texts and he's not going to be at the party because he'll be traveling). Later in the evening, while DH and I were at a Chanukah gathering, she called me several times, which I ignored.

This morning, she called again to ask me if I'd gotten her message about the Pyrex dish, then asked me to please keep my text notifications on. I told her I keep them off because I don't want to be disturbed, but I assured her I'd gotten her message and would bring the dish to the party

DH and I have had several discussions about her frantic and incessant communications and largely agree, but this time he told me I brought this on myself by not simply responding to her initial call/text. I prefer to keep boundaries and not jump like a trained seal the minute I hear from her (or anyone). AITA?