Sounds fake. 10 years is ok, not 19.

Ugh his poor kids. It’s embarrassing all around.

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

No he doesn't.

Women in your situation always like to frame this as “I’m so mature that I can only connect with a man twenty years older than me”.

But really the framing should be “he’s so immature that he can only connect with women 20 years younger than him” and while you’re at it add “and my girlfriend needs to be naive and sheltered enough to not realize how immature I am”.

This story is full of red flags. Time to start backing away, OP.

You're closer in age to his kids than to him. And he wants kids with you at age 46. How involved of a father was he when his kids were young? I'm almost your boyfriend's age and I have young kids because my husband and I got married later in life. If either of us had teenagers from a previous marriage, I can assure you we wouldn't want more kids because we would know how hard parenting young kids is. Is he going to be an involved father to your future kids, or is he expecting you to do all the hard work of parenting?

I suspect he would want kids sooner than later given his age? And you're a PhD student. Are you going to look for a tenure-track job when you graduate? Will you be able to have children right away on a tenure-track job?

You are more his kids age than his age. I have kids this age it is just so weird to do this. This guy is a joke. You can’t see it for some reason but red flags galore.

Anonymous wrote:He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

Oh god OP. HELL NO.

So he also has kids and an ex wife. Baggage galore. No, no, it will not be ok. Please reconsider this.

He been divorced for eight years (been together 1.5), he has two kids who are 17 & 14, and he does want kids with me.

Did not work out for me ( 11 years difference). He cheated with someone his age at work and had multiple affairs during marriage. Now he’s dating 20 years younger mom of two. He’s uber rich and only views women as bodies to please him. Men like that are unable to connect emotionally which is a problem for building a long term relationship

All I can say is that nobody good would be interested in someone your age when they are his age. It’s like dating a kid. Would you date a guy who is 18?? The difference in your relationship is even worse than that!

Is he divorced? Does he have children? Does he want children with you?

A guy who is still available on the market at 46 must have many flaws. I say this as someone who was in your shoes. At 27 I met my future husband who was 40 at the time. He had many psychological issues that I didn't realize at the time. It didn't work out well.

I'm a 45 year old woman and I dated someone 15 years older when I was in my 20s. At the time, I thought he was amazing. With time, I have come to realize how terrible immature and emotionally stunted he was. While this may not be something you can connect with now, I will also say that I have friends with husbands in their 50s and 60s, and some seemed to age very quickly in a very short amount of time. This means you could end up married to and caring for an old man who doesn't have the energy, drive, or desire to engage with life that you will have. Yes, you will get older too, but there is a lot to be said about acknowledging values and weaknesses (and strengths) of different phases of live, and recognizing that you and he will change considerably as you move through some of these.

If I were your aunt or friend, I would advise you to break this off, though I know how difficult that can be at your age. Could you consider seeing other people for a time as well?

I’m 27 and a PhD student, and my boyfriend is a 46 year old lawyer. I really love him, we have an amazing relationship - we communicate well, have similar goals, compliment one another and enjoy being together. That said, sometimes I worry about our age difference and what it might mean for us long term.

I’d love to hear the perspectives of people who’ve been in or are in relationship like this