Anonymous
12/17/2025 07:40
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
Anonymous wrote:It's been a tough 48 hours in our house as DD deals with ED disappointment. It is made worse that her classmate who is known to cheat got in. Trying to explain that cheaters sometimes do win really stings.
No dog in this fight but a documented cheater at our school was admitted ED while others with higher stats were shut out.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 07:36
Subject: Re:Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
I had twins last year. One got in ED, the second was waitlisted ED to the same school (despite having the same stats if not a bit better) and then went on a long trail of many RD waitlists and rejections and some acceptances. It was incredibly hard. Ended up at a decent school but not a particularly great fit and is thinking of transferring.
Sometimes this all works out easily, sometimes it doesn't--despite doing everything right, having all the correct stats, etc. It is truly a lottery.
There is no way to guarantee a preferred outcome or make sure it happens the way you want it too. You just have to support your kid through the process, keep the emotion low and help them see the best in the choices they're given.
Sometimes this all works out easily, sometimes it doesn't--despite doing everything right, having all the correct stats, etc. It is truly a lottery.
There is no way to guarantee a preferred outcome or make sure it happens the way you want it too. You just have to support your kid through the process, keep the emotion low and help them see the best in the choices they're given.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 07:35
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
Everything happens for a reason. My kid was deferred ED and then ultimately rejected. She ended up at a better school for her.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 07:33
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
It's been a tough 48 hours in our house as DD deals with ED disappointment. It is made worse that her classmate who is known to cheat got in. Trying to explain that cheaters sometimes do win really stings.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 07:32
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
At DC’s private school, all of the girls who applied to W&M have been deferred, and all the boys who applied got in. They are annoyed.
OP, just because there *seems* to be a general trend that it’s a good year for ED doesn’t make it true, and certainly doesn’t make it true in the granular level of a specific school or specific kid. It’s always rough when your kid is deferred and it feels like a lot of their friends were accepted, but there are so many variables involved, from student-specific ones to school-specific ones, that you really have to try to view it as not personal, even though of course it feels intensely personal.
Help your child by allowing them some time and space to feel disappointed and then help them refocus on ED2 or RD apps and moving forward.
OP, just because there *seems* to be a general trend that it’s a good year for ED doesn’t make it true, and certainly doesn’t make it true in the granular level of a specific school or specific kid. It’s always rough when your kid is deferred and it feels like a lot of their friends were accepted, but there are so many variables involved, from student-specific ones to school-specific ones, that you really have to try to view it as not personal, even though of course it feels intensely personal.
Help your child by allowing them some time and space to feel disappointed and then help them refocus on ED2 or RD apps and moving forward.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 07:28
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
It’s hard. And it’ll hurt for awhile. Unless you have some good EA acceptances coming in, it’s a long road until you hear RD.
Resilience is born during these months of disappointed waiting. Yes, there may be multiple waves of the defeatist feelings like you describe. Ride them out gently each time while noticing all the good stuff that comes with senior year, too.
No feeling lasts forever. Noticing and learning that we can survive our strongly uncomfortable feelings is a superpower.
Allow yourself to feel deeply sad, disappointed, envious, despondent, and uncertain/worried/anxious or whatever else comes up. And notice all the other feelings, too - love, awe, gratitude, excitement, calm, joy etc.
The feelings all come and go. Throughout it all and after, you and your DC will be just fine. Notice and appreciate that, too. It may hurt, but those feelings will eventually pass, too. We can handle hard things. Resilience. 💗
Resilience is born during these months of disappointed waiting. Yes, there may be multiple waves of the defeatist feelings like you describe. Ride them out gently each time while noticing all the good stuff that comes with senior year, too.
No feeling lasts forever. Noticing and learning that we can survive our strongly uncomfortable feelings is a superpower.
Allow yourself to feel deeply sad, disappointed, envious, despondent, and uncertain/worried/anxious or whatever else comes up. And notice all the other feelings, too - love, awe, gratitude, excitement, calm, joy etc.
The feelings all come and go. Throughout it all and after, you and your DC will be just fine. Notice and appreciate that, too. It may hurt, but those feelings will eventually pass, too. We can handle hard things. Resilience. 💗
Anonymous
12/17/2025 07:27
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
All college applicants should understand that even if they have the “stats” for any given school, it is still essentially a lottery because there are fewer seats than there are kids with good stats. It’s not personal. So you cast a wide net and don’t get your heart set on anything other than going to college somewhere, which you will.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 07:25
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Choose a school your child will be happy at, not the ratings.
Was there something in the original post that told you this kid did something different from this?
DP
Probably OP’s reference to others getting into “top schools” yet no reference to fit.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 06:47
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
Anonymous wrote:Choose a school your child will be happy at, not the ratings.
Was there something in the original post that told you this kid did something different from this?
Anonymous
12/17/2025 06:38
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
Choose a school your child will be happy at, not the ratings.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 06:35
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
Sorry, OP. I know how you feel. But it can turn around. My oldest was rejected ED two years ago and then did really well in the RD round. I think you just have to feel the disappointment and then shake it off.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 06:29
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Many of DC's classmates got in top schools.
Life’s hard. Teach your kid that.
Don’t be rude. Life will teach everyone this along the way. It’s appropriate to feel down a bit and then pick yourself up. You listen, support, offer a hug, etc.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 06:19
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
Anonymous wrote:Many of DC's classmates got in top schools.
Life’s hard. Teach your kid that.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 06:17
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
Anonymous wrote:Many of DC's classmates got in top schools.
It does seem better than the 2021-22 cycle when my older dc applied. Much better. But half the spots will be filled in RD, don’t despair.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 00:52
Subject: Feeling so defeated after deferral. This is a good year for ED.
Many of DC's classmates got in top schools.