Anonymous wrote:DC is 12 and needs to go through a nighttime routine of being tucked in, listening to a sleep meditation, and having a little back rub before bed. This has been the routine since she was 4 and honestly some nights I just don’t want to do it. I want her to feel tired, say goodnight, read a little bit, and go to sleep on her own.

I do it, mind you, but is she not a little old for this?

Tell me that I’ll miss it one day. And if I’m a heartless wench for having these thoughts, tell me and I’ll bottle them up and continue the routine without complaint.

This is crazy, assuming an NT kid.

Older kid wanted to be “tucked in” and have us turn out his light (took about 30 seconds) until 13 or 14. I never minded.
Younger kid is 11 and still likes to be tucked in. Sometimes we read together, but usually just a quick tuck in. Not a big deal in my opinion.

I read to my kid until she was about 10 or 11.
But then I would get up and leave and she would read to herself then turn her light out herself.
She’s never needed one of us in the room to fall asleep. As a baby we did “ drowsy but awake” so she’s always gone to sleep easily at night.
She’s 13 now and we go to bed around the same time. She’s in bed now, reading ( it’s 9pm) and her Alexa is set to go off at 930 and she’ll put her light out. We’ve already said goodnight.

Well, yeah, I think you're checking out and you may regret it. I'd stop when she's ready, but not because you're bored.

My DD is 12. Unless we're running late (which is about half the time) DH or I read her a chapter of a book and sing the couple songs we've been singing since infancy. He and I alternate nights. If I'm really tired DD and I might both read independently in her room instead of a story.

I figure, she leaves for college in 6 short years. And, not to be morbid, but I leave for work before she wakes up so if I wreck the car that bedtime routine will be the last time I see her. Those are my motivations.

I still tuck my (young) teens in. And yes they are up late. But we chat at night and it’s the best time of day between us 1:1

I still tuck my 10 year old in. He would never turn out his own lights without a reminder. But we dont usually read together or have other routines, just a check in, i love you, lets turn the lights out. A few times a month he will ask to read together and I do.

What do you mean she needs to?

Like she can't fall asleep?

Tantrums?

Have you talked about changing the routine a bit with her?

6 or 7 for us.

I feel like I was reminding my pre teen about starting the bedtime routine all the time as they would get caught up with a show or homework. But actual tuck ins and all that? Probably by 10 or 11 DC outgrew the need for it.

Wow, I can't really remember anymore but it seemed to start around nursery school. When they knew they had to get up and go to school, even if it was only 2 hours of preschool in the morning.

My kid wouldn't tolerate what you describe (she likes going to bed on her own, it makes her feel more free -- she gets a little peeved that we still enforce a "lights out" time even) but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Having that consistent routine will create a very strong memory for her as an adult, which sounds nice. I know my DD has nice memories of us at bedtime but she's already forgotten the years that we spent singing to her in bed and rubbing her back, even though it only ended a couple years ago (or so she claims).

Yes decades ago, but even at 7 if I was told to go to bed, I went to bed. No nonsense. I felt loved. They were good parents. I was usually read to and tucked in, but I knew to do what my parents needed me to do, if they asked. I wouldn't want to raise kids today any differently.

Mine are 6 and 9. I or DH do bedtime routine as they share a room and we enjoy it. On nights when the 6 year old goes to be earlier, I hang with the older kid and we read or play a game and then I say good night and hug her and she goes upstairs and brushes teeth and puts pjs on and goes to bed.
Lights out at 8:30 most nights and leave the room. I know they turn their little lights back on and read or chatter some nights. I don't bother them unless it's past 9:30 and they are giggling. Rare but happens.

I go to bed before my 13 and 9 year olds. (I go to bed at 8:30.)

DC is 12 and needs to go through a nighttime routine of being tucked in, listening to a sleep meditation, and having a little back rub before bed. This has been the routine since she was 4 and honestly some nights I just don’t want to do it. I want her to feel tired, say goodnight, read a little bit, and go to sleep on her own.

I do it, mind you, but is she not a little old for this?

Tell me that I’ll miss it one day. And if I’m a heartless wench for having these thoughts, tell me and I’ll bottle them up and continue the routine without complaint.