Anonymous
Post 12/17/2025 20:45     Subject: AIBU- scheduling so family member can't attend
Anonymous wrote:Hypothetical question and not something I could admit IRL- if you have a family member who you are obligated to invite to your wedding but don't really want them to come, would you purposely schedule it at a time where you know they may not be able to come, or at least wouldn't be able to bring their annoying spouse and children?  Bonus is that no one knows that I know this and it would probably reflect poorly on them if they don't attend.


Make it a "no children under age 18" wedding. Of, don't invite. Presumably, you are an adult getting married, so act like one.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2025 20:20     Subject: AIBU- scheduling so family member can't attend
I was ok with it until you said you also like that this conflict would make them look bad and now I think YTA.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2025 07:26     Subject: AIBU- scheduling so family member can't attend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hypothetical question and not something I could admit IRL- if you have a family member who you are obligated to invite to your wedding but don't really want them to come, would you purposely schedule it at a time where you know they may not be able to come, or at least wouldn't be able to bring their annoying spouse and children?  Bonus is that no one knows that I know this and it would probably reflect poorly on them if they don't attend.



I don’t understand this part- you don’t want them to come but want them to look bad for not attending? Are you twisted or something?


Hope OP meant it will look bad if they don't attend the other event which would be in conflict with OP's wedding date.

Otherwise, OP is toxic as eff.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2025 00:29     Subject: AIBU- scheduling so family member can't attend
Anonymous wrote:Hypothetical question and not something I could admit IRL- if you have a family member who you are obligated to invite to your wedding but don't really want them to come, would you purposely schedule it at a time where you know they may not be able to come, or at least wouldn't be able to bring their annoying spouse and children?  Bonus is that no one knows that I know this and it would probably reflect poorly on them if they don't attend.



I don’t understand this part- you don’t want them to come but want them to look bad for not attending? Are you twisted or something?
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2025 13:29     Subject: AIBU- scheduling so family member can't attend
Anonymous wrote:I'd invite them without kids. That tends to anger people off enough to not attend weddings.


Good point. Adult only formal evening wedding.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2025 11:29     Subject: AIBU- scheduling so family member can't attend
I'd invite them without kids. That tends to anger people off enough to not attend weddings.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2025 10:36     Subject: AIBU- scheduling so family member can't attend
I can't imagine scheduling a whole wedding around someone else's schedule, unless it was someone I really wanted to have there. Not the other way around.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2025 10:03     Subject: AIBU- scheduling so family member can't attend
Anonymous wrote:Why do you feel obligated to invite them? I’d just leave out toxic family members to begin with rather than take a weird passive aggressive approach.


not OP, but I can imagine there could be very complicated dynamic here that prompt OP to have to find creative ways to avoid certain people at her wedding? Maybe she doesn't want to confront certain people, maybe she already confronted them but met with even more disappointment, there could be lots of possibilities.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2025 10:00     Subject: AIBU- scheduling so family member can't attend
Pick a date you like, invite people you want to attend and resist weaponizing your wedding.

Wondering if you are legally of age to get married.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2025 09:57     Subject: AIBU- scheduling so family member can't attend
Why do you feel obligated to invite them? I’d just leave out toxic family members to begin with rather than take a weird passive aggressive approach.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2025 09:55     Subject: AIBU- scheduling so family member can't attend
Yes, I would. It's YOUR wedding, do what makes YOU happy.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2025 09:48     Subject: AIBU- scheduling so family member can't attend
Hypothetical question and not something I could admit IRL- if you have a family member who you are obligated to invite to your wedding but don't really want them to come, would you purposely schedule it at a time where you know they may not be able to come, or at least wouldn't be able to bring their annoying spouse and children?  Bonus is that no one knows that I know this and it would probably reflect poorly on them if they don't attend.