"The number of “eligible” men will be smaller, but the quality will be much higher. Many on the apps are not seriously looking for anything, so sure, you’ll get 5000 matches but they’ll all be trashy f*** boys who’ve never grown up. I think your plan is great."

You need to explain how so many people (27%) who got engaged in the past 3 years met via OLD if this is even close to being true. I'm waiting.

Anonymous wrote:The number of “eligible” men will be smaller, but the quality will be much higher. Many on the apps are not seriously looking for anything, so sure, you’ll get 5000 matches but they’ll all be trashy f*** boys who’ve never grown up.

I think your plan is great.

I doubt the RL quality is higher. I was introduced through friends with men who were alcoholics, smokers, child beaters, and enjoyed regular threesomes. I’ve met the men who were perfect for a boring marriage online

OP / there is no uniform approach here. I have friends who are now dating men they met in high profile social clubs. The men are great on paper but behind the door everyone has issues. It’s just a matter of what you would tolerate.

I personally find men I meet in real life hiding more: everyone who approached me in public were younger and great looking but they weren’t technically single. The men I meet on OLD tend to be more of a boring professional type and not as attractive. But they meet my min requirements for long term relationship

I can date great looking men in RL or less good looking but more “filtered” from OLD

The number of “eligible” men will be smaller, but the quality will be much higher. Many on the apps are not seriously looking for anything, so sure, you’ll get 5000 matches but they’ll all be trashy f*** boys who’ve never grown up.

I think your plan is great.

Anonymous wrote:They say dating is a numbers game for a reason

how many numbers you need?

Anonymous wrote:After a 20+ year marriage I would find it very awkward to go online, meet up with men and try to hash out over a coffee/dinner what's most important to know about me and my story.

I vastly prefer enlarging my general network with the goal of meeting men in my professional and social circles. I am concerned, however, that the number of eligible men would be much smaller than online.

Interested to find out how others have dealt with this.

Op - a crude suggestion. sleep with anyone first and then started talking about other stuff.

Anonymous wrote:"While the quantity of men will be limited, the quality will be better. I have a friend who is dating online, and it is brutal. It's a bunch of sex craved creeps or married men pretending to be single."

I seriously doubt that the ratio of creeps to decent men is any higher on the apps than it is among men you meet by chance out in the real world. There are creeps everywhere. AND there are good and kind men everywhere.

What matters is whether you entertain the losers or quickly kick them to the curb.

Good advice.

Some people do enjoy online dating. Tinder is bad but other apps tend to have nice people. OP sounds like someone who could do ok with low pressure daytime dates. For some people, the hardest part is literally the act of posting a profile on an app. It feels a little awkward to market yourself.

OP here. Thanks, this is all very useful.

They say dating is a numbers game for a reason

Anonymous wrote:"While the quantity of men will be limited, the quality will be better. I have a friend who is dating online, and it is brutal. It's a bunch of sex craved creeps or married men pretending to be single."

I seriously doubt that the ratio of creeps to decent men is any higher on the apps than it is among men you meet by chance out in the real world. There are creeps everywhere. AND there are good and kind men everywhere.

What matters is whether you entertain the losers or quickly kick them to the curb.

This! Filter ruthlessly from the profile and First messages to the rest.

And don’t live on hope. If someone is rude to the waiter, doesn’t clean up after themselves, boasts in anyway about taking advantage or f people, makes you in ANY way uncomfortable, move on quickly and firmly. Oh and don’t you dare take it personally! They are who they are and they are just not for you. Someone else will be a match for them.

Met my husband online 15 years ago, after over 100 first dates and probably 500+ online “connections” or messages which told me everything I needed to know. Honestly only a handful were creeps, most were just nice people but of no interest to me, and I had two short relationships and finally met DH.

"While the quantity of men will be limited, the quality will be better. I have a friend who is dating online, and it is brutal. It's a bunch of sex craved creeps or married men pretending to be single."

I seriously doubt that the ratio of creeps to decent men is any higher on the apps than it is among men you meet by chance out in the real world. There are creeps everywhere. AND there are good and kind men everywhere.

What matters is whether you entertain the losers or quickly kick them to the curb.

Good luck with that. You need to understand that regardless of how you initially meet someone, you will have to "try to hash out over a coffee/dinner what's most important to know about me and my story." All the apps do is create a forum to make contact with people. They are just another vehicle through which you can get exposed to other people who are looking for a romantic connection. Moreover, you should really spend some time doing a self-examination of what you are looking for before you start dating. There are no shortcuts to being ready to engage in a healthy relationship. Of course, if you just want short term sex partners, that is different.

Whether you "meet" someone at a bar, at your kid's baseball game, or on an app, you still have to go through the process of assessing whether they're suitable for you. You can never trust that someone you meet while in line to drop off your dry cleaning is unmarried or not living with someone. You have to do due diligence to confirm that they align with you in the ways that matter. You will have no idea whether the man your colleague sets you up with only likes women who get a Brazilian every other week or that he doesn't consider it cheating if he has random sex with other men. I find that most of us give way too much leeway to men we meet in real life. If we'd met them online, we would have screened out most of these losers before ever agreeing to a first date.

Anonymous wrote:After a 20+ year marriage I would find it very awkward to go online, meet up with men and try to hash out over a coffee/dinner what's most important to know about me and my story.

I vastly prefer enlarging my general network with the goal of meeting men in my professional and social circles. I am concerned, however, that the number of eligible men would be much smaller than online.

Interested to find out how others have dealt with this.

This makes sense. While the quantity of men will be limited, the quality will be better. I have a friend who is dating online, and it is brutal. It's a bunch of sex craved creeps or married men pretending to be single.

You need to be aggressive about letting your friends and family know that you are single and looking. People love matchmaking. I have tried to connect 2 couples this year. One is a single relative to a friend's relative ( this one is going very well) and the other is a former colleague and to former colleague. There are many people like me in my circle who are always trying to match people. There will be people in your circle like that too. You have to let them know you are looking.

After a 20+ year marriage I would find it very awkward to go online, meet up with men and try to hash out over a coffee/dinner what's most important to know about me and my story.

I vastly prefer enlarging my general network with the goal of meeting men in my professional and social circles. I am concerned, however, that the number of eligible men would be much smaller than online.

Interested to find out how others have dealt with this.