some people like having people stay in their vacation home because it's not good for houses to be vacant. it's not necessarily rude to ask.

Anonymous wrote:Karla, this isn’t a vacation home, I actually live here half the year. I don’t rent it out as my personal items are everywhere.

That's unnecessarily rude. Plenty of people with vacation homes are happy to have their friends use them.

Fine to say, "Oh, I'm so sorry, that doesn't work for us. Hope to see you soon! Happy holidays!"

The friend saying she'd "love to stay" at your country home seems especially weird and entitled, unless you have somehow without realizing extended an implicit open ended invitation in the past. It would be a bit different if it was like "you know everything that has been going on with me and I really need to get away from it all. I hate to ask but I have another friend who's been really helping me deal with it all and would it possibly by ok for us to take a week at your country place?" Even it there was some kind of vague implicit invite the right thing to do is to be extremely ingratiating and apologetic when a person wants to take up such an invite.

Even if you're considering it, this would be a good time to have a long conversation and probe as to where things are with this person and what the friend's role in their life is, etc etc.

Anonymous wrote:We have a house in the countryside. We often ask our friend to come and visit. She is usually too busy. However she messaged recently and asked when we'd be going away next as she'd love to come and stay while we are gone, with another friend.

The curveball in all of this is that this friend has recently gone through a very hard time, so i want to be a good friend. But something about the request is making me feel a little used.

Am i being selfish? Or is the feeling justified? Would love povs.

Trust your instincts. No is a complete sentence.

Would love to have you come visit with us there sometime soon. It has been awhile since you have been able to join us!

Of course you could say no. That would be perfectly appropriate and well within your rights. But also… what’s to lose if you say yes and extend hospitality to your friend? Unless this is a totally egregious and inconvenient request, I would error on the side of being gracious.

Karla, this isn’t a vacation home, I actually live here half the year. I don’t rent it out as my personal items are everywhere.

Honestly, I’d just ignore it.

You have every right to feel whatever you’re feeling. Something’s not sitting right with you. No need to respond to the message.

Anonymous wrote:“That’s not going to work for us. Let’s catch up soon!”

Yep, this is exactly what I'd say. You're not being a bad friend to set boundaries.

You can say no. And have no reason. You can just have a preference that this doesn't happen. You owe no explanation.

It's just guts. You just have to say the word no.

It really depends on the friendship. Is she responsible? How bad have her recent tribulations been?

Need more details. Please provide them.

“That’s not going to work for us. Let’s catch up soon!”

What are you worried about? Let her use your vacation home. She won’t trash it. What’s the big deal?

She doesn’t want you to be there because she obviously wants to be alone with her “friend.”

I would say no. It’s a weird and inappropriate request.

We have a house in the countryside. We often ask our friend to come and visit. She is usually too busy. However she messaged recently and asked when we'd be going away next as she'd love to come and stay while we are gone, with another friend.

The curveball in all of this is that this friend has recently gone through a very hard time, so i want to be a good friend. But something about the request is making me feel a little used.

Am i being selfish? Or is the feeling justified? Would love povs.