Maybe they were going to be late so decided to be late enough to not ruin the surprise?

I hate lateness and typically find it selfish but there are a lot of potential factors, many listed above. Did this person get to help choose the day and time? Or was it a bad time for them and they did what they needed to do for say work and the event?

Did they let you know? Size of party and how important they are to the guest of honor matter too. Is this part of a pattern and practice or a one off?

Depends

Very

10 very rude. Either be on time or don't go

Anonymous wrote:Surprise parties have a firm start time so if you absolutely could not be there at the time the host designates, talk to them and make arrangements to come post surprise. It’s not the end of the world to miss the actual surprise, but you definitely don’t want to mess the surprise up.

That said, this is a not a mingle and cocktail event, it’s a sit down dinner so you coming late is just really not okay. It makes more work for the staff, leaves a weird gap at the table etc.

Yes.

Anonymous wrote:PP. Your example asks about 30 mins lateness but in your actual times, it's 40-60 minutes late. I was basing on your 30 minutes late.

One can make up 15-30 minutes if the guest's meal is ordered for them or buffet/family style. Past that, it's too late to seamlessly integrate. 30 minutes is the most I'd come late to a casual team lunch when delayed due to required business meetings. And I would send my order with a friend.

One person is taking the "start time" on the invite as the arrival target and ignoring the request to show up to allow for the surprise.
And the invite is written by someone who does not normally throw a party.
We've agreed to be on time. It the complete lack of understanding that we'd throw a whole monkey wrench in the surprise aspect of this that's causing the issue.
The invite says arrive at 12:30 and then has a duration of 1-4 and one person is fixated on 1 being the target and not leaving room for traffic on top of that.

Surprise parties have a firm start time so if you absolutely could not be there at the time the host designates, talk to them and make arrangements to come post surprise. It’s not the end of the world to miss the actual surprise, but you definitely don’t want to mess the surprise up.

That said, this is a not a mingle and cocktail event, it’s a sit down dinner so you coming late is just really not okay. It makes more work for the staff, leaves a weird gap at the table etc.

10. It’s rude anyway, but being late to a surprise means you could ruin the surprise, which would be a very jerky thing to do.

No.

Everyone else will have already eaten.

PP. Your example asks about 30 mins lateness but in your actual times, it's 40-60 minutes late. I was basing on your 30 minutes late.

One can make up 15-30 minutes if the guest's meal is ordered for them or buffet/family style. Past that, it's too late to seamlessly integrate. 30 minutes is the most I'd come late to a casual team lunch when delayed due to required business meetings. And I would send my order with a friend.

Was it a large party?
Was the late person a co-host?
Did their late arrival have a valid reason?
Was the guest offended?
Did late arrival inconvenience the waitstaff and dining guests?

If it was a large party, the late person was merely late, didn't let anyone down with respect to party execution tasks, and the guest didn't mind, it's a 2.

If the guest got upset, or the late person fumbled organizing duties, it's a 7. More points if rude to the waitstaff.

OP here, sincere thanks to the two repliers. This was enough.

10

10

This is a preventative post not a judgey post. Meaning two parties have agreed to allow the responses to this post to guide decisions.

How rude would you rate it to plan to show up at a surprise party at a restaurant with a sit down meal for a relative who is between 70 and 80 up to 30 minutes late.

The invitation asks for an arrival time of 12:30-12:45 and this would be showing up at 1:25.