Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your daughter asks what to do doesn't mean you should tell her. Encourage her to brainstorm and come up with a plan and figure out how to execute it.

Don't you seek advice from people in your life? There is nothing wrong with the OP and her dd discussing next next steps.

I would worry that the Queen Bee would use any apology to further humiliate your daughter. Finding new friends is the way to go. Is she in any activities outside of school?

Rarely. But when I do, it's more to bounce ideas off them so I can organize my thoughts. Don't you raise your kids to problem solve though?

Anonymous wrote:Just because your daughter asks what to do doesn't mean you should tell her. Encourage her to brainstorm and come up with a plan and figure out how to execute it.

Don't you seek advice from people in your life? There is nothing wrong with the OP and her dd discussing next next steps.

I would worry that the Queen Bee would use any apology to further humiliate your daughter. Finding new friends is the way to go. Is she in any activities outside of school?

Advise her to write a letter, perhaps!

Time

How old is teen dd and what grade?

I would have her apologize to the girl, either via Snapchat or text or however they regularly talk. I would also have her say something in person to her; something similar like, “ hey I just wanted to apologize to you for name calling the other day. It won’t happen again.” Phone calls don’t usually happen at this age but they can chat and if they typically hang out 1:1, they can chat and make up in person.

Then, your DD has to work on cultivating a variety of friends, so that a whole group can’t take away her self worth or social life in one fell swoop. Remind her she has an individual relationship with many people and she can do the initiation of plans sometimes.

It will take

Your DD has to be comfortable with the other girl sharing anything she says or writes. Which is great, because this should push her to express thoughts that make her be the bigger person. She should apologize for what she did wrong, express regret for the rest (ie, what the friend did wrong) and say that she wants to start over. If this is screenshotted and bandied about, it won't humiliate her at all. I would send the message in one text, so the other girl can't cherry-pick and misrepresent the exchange.

Just find the girl even when she's with her friends. Ask if you can talk to her alone to apologize. The point is the friends hear that part. Once alone, make a genuine apology to the other girl.

You should really examine what your DD did. Maybe she's the mean girl

And good that you are encouraging your daughter to seek out new friends.

I agree that it's probably wise to not send any kind of text message.
And if your daughter feels akward about calling, that might not be so great either, even though that would be a good idea otherwise.

Can your daughter try talking to the girl in school, even though they might not be completely alone? Try to choose a moment with less people/friends around, and just say a short apology. Not a long speech, and no expectations of how the other girl will respond. Just a short apology, to get it out, and then move on and see what happens.

No to a phone call.

A brief sorry text with an unembarrassing message would be best.

Just because your daughter asks what to do doesn't mean you should tell her. Encourage her to brainstorm and come up with a plan and figure out how to execute it.

Anonymous wrote:How old are the girls? Is she in context with any other girls or totally iced out? Does she trust any of them?

One idea is if she trusts any of them is to ask a third girl to approach the Queen Bee and say hey Larla feels bad and wants to make up and take the temperature.

I’m sorry OP.

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Sorry is she in contact

How old are the girls? Is she in context with any other girls or totally iced out? Does she trust any of them?

One idea is if she trusts any of them is to ask a third girl to approach the Queen Bee and say hey Larla feels bad and wants to make up and take the temperature.

I’m sorry OP.

.

Your daughter is right on the whole texting & that girl sharing w others.

I wouldn’t go that route.

DD is trying to repair a friendship with a girl in her class. They had a falling out and both acted poorly in my opinion (basically talking negatively about one another).
Now the other girl has cut off DD and appears to be encouraging other girls to do so too (the other girl is the queen bee type so they may just be following her example). This has been very upsetting to DD and she is having a hard time.

DD admits she has played some role in this situation, and she wants to reach out to the other girl to apologize for her part in it. I have no idea whether the other girl would acknowledge that her own behavior has been hurtful but I do not think DD should hold out any hope for that.

DD is not trying to be close friends with this girl, but she wants to make amends so she can be on speaking terms with her and not be ostracized by the others. The isolation has been the worst. I am encouraging her to seek out the company of other people but that will take time. (I don't believe any of these girls are her true friends but I have not said that directly because she is so fragile.)

I suggested DD give the other girl a call but she says that would be "weird." I am in the dark ages apparently. She thought about texting her but is afraid the other girl will screen shot the messages and show them to people. She could try to talk to her at school, but there is basically zero chance she can speak to the other girl alone there.

What would you advise your child in this situation? I realize that most teen social situations should not have parental involvement, but she is asking me what to do. I am genuinely worried about her because she is lonely. Again, I know this person is never going to be a good friend, but I think it would help if DD was back on speaking terms with her.