Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids.

30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game

28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.

18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.

15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.

Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.

Your 15 YO is getting hosed when I read what you 18 YO is getting.

Yup the 18 year old is the favorite. The 28 year old is enabled.

Nothing has changed. They give me a wishlist and we buy about an equal $ amount of gifts for both. We don’t give out checks for the holidays.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids.

30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game

28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.

18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.

15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.

Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.

Your 15 YO is getting hosed when I read what you 18 YO is getting.

The 15yr olds tix to the comedy show require a plane trip and an overnight. The comedian he likes is family friendly but not a big name. He's still building his career and plays mostly comedy clubs with a 21+ age requirement. I had to find the show at an all ages location. Does that make things more even or do you still feel he is getting hosed?

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids.

30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game

28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.

18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.

15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.

Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.

Your 15 YO is getting hosed when I read what you 18 YO is getting.

Weirdly enough, most of my friend's parents increased gifts when their kids got older. As part of estate planning I guess.

I do think you still need to make christmas fun though, so that soon when they have their own kids they still want to visit. And that they don't say "oh my parents don't celebrate" and go to their spouse's house. I think a check is fine, but it needs to be equal amongst siblings.

Have a grown up discussion with your kids, either individually or as a group depending on sibling and family dynamics, in which you literally explain that you would like to transition from the kid version of Christmas focused on Christmas morning gift opening and parents making Christmas "magical" for kids, to a more adult version of Christmas that is more about family togetherness.

Ask them how they feel about this, what they envision for a more adult version of Christmas, what traditions matter a lot to them and which don't. Then, figure out what makes sense.

If the youngest feels this is unfair, consider doing some transitional years where maybe the older kids opt for one or two smaller gifts and a check but the one who is still a student gets a more traditional haul, but everyone knows ahead of time that this is how it's going to be and you let people know you will balance it out financially. Also if this is something the youngest wants, suggest that you focus on gifts that will be particularly useful for their post-grad life with an eye towards things that will last and get a lot of use.

I might also suggest the idea of shifting to a group experience gift which I think a lot of 20-somethings would be excited about. Like instead of holiday gifts, everyone buys one another a book you think they'd like, and then you all go skiing.

The point is, if you want to shift towards a more adult Christmas, you need to treat them like adults which means talking to them, considering their perspective, and making it a joint family decision instead of something you dictate and impose on them.

I'm the oldest of four and when I started college my parents told me that I'm an adult and would no longer get Christmas presents. I came home that first Christmas on break and watched all my siblings open presents for a couple hours with not a single gift for me. I had used money from my part time job to get presents for each of them. It was really hurtful, so the following years I went to celebrate Christmas with my boyfriend and his parents (who did include me).

A few years later my siblings hit college age. I expected the same rule would apply to them. But my parents decided it wouldn't feel like Christmas if they didn't give presents, so they kept getting presents for my college-aged siblings. It was super screwed up.

So whatever you do, don't do that. Think about a long term plan that works fairly for all of your kids.

I have 4 kids.

30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game

28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.

18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.

15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.

Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.

We simply told them we were having a downsized Christmas now that they were adults. I did this when they were college aged, and our household expenses went up. They agreed and we moved on.

They even enacted a limit on their sibling gifts. One gift around $30.

I just told mine that a bought a couple things from the list, plus one surprise gift that I THINK they would like based on a hobby and then I’d give them a check. They were happy with the plan! For the adults kids just have a convo it’s NBD

Fun kitchen accessories!

I think it's weird when parents go cold turkey.

Have the conversation w/ your children.

The AAA gold membership and one nice thing would be appreciated, I'm sure.

And be sure not to whine about not getting good gifts from your kids... it's gauche

I think you mean holiday gifts forbyoue young adult children. Tickets to a sporting or concert event for them and a friend, an expensive pots and pan set they wouldn't buy for themselves, stuff for their car (the thing that cuts the seat belt and breaks open a windows, a thing that blows up a flat tire), new set of sheets, there's tons they probably want.

Maybe some stocks, and then one fun/gag gift for each of them? If your younger adult kids still need necessities, you can perhaps buy those for them at other times of the year...

I just can't handle buying a $1000 worth of gifts as the kids now can pretty much buy most of what they want without a problem. Looking at how other families transitioned to maybe a 1-2 gifts plus a check. Also, how do you handles the $$ amount when some of the kids have real jobs and don't need as much, but still have a some kids still in school with no job.