Anonymous wrote:OP here: Ripped off the bandage, revealed what I knew-did not get any confession or remorse-I expected it but wow some weight lifted off my chest..

Congratulations, you just made it through the first step! Try to look at the situation as logically and practically as possible. Figure out exactly what it is you want to do. Try to find something to replace some of those shared memories, overwrite them with new ones. Is there something you’ve been interested in doing that you haven’t been able to yet? Travel, woodworking, crochet, some hobby or interest you want to pursue? I learned to love to be alone- traveling, going to movies, eating out. You should find something that brings you joy to offset the pain you’re going through.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Ripped off the bandage, revealed what I knew-did not get any confession or remorse-I expected it but wow some weight lifted off my chest..

You’re doing the right thing.

OP here: Ripped off the bandage, revealed what I knew-did not get any confession or remorse-I expected it but wow some weight lifted off my chest..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP good for you. Don't join the group of miserable women who stay for whatever fill in the blank reasons.

Don't dream your best life. Instead LIVE your best luck.

I wish my mom left my dad, but she made up a million reasons to stay. Unfortunately she has a lot of company on this forum. There are a lot successful, attractive and wealthy women on this forum and yet they stay in miserable marriages acting as if they can't rebuild a better life for themselves.

Oh boy I'm sure I just triggered a bunch of them

Many people move on from cheating and have happy and joy filled marriages. Come on now, you are the one that sounds bitter and crazy. The quality of the relationship prior to cheating matters.

It sounds like OP’s situation is untenable, likely he continues to cheat or didn’t show remorse or change. That’s tough to come to terms that the only freedom and happiness is to get out- rip off the band-aid.

I’m 55 and in a world of “gray divorces” due to cheating. I’ve seen 5 recently - neighbors, acquaintances, friends. 4 out of 5 the cheater didn’t want to stay, zero remorse and left. The other one was a confession and lots of work. They seem very happy now (good friend)- can even talk about “that time”. A lot of marriages hit rough patches 42-49 or so., even those w/out cheating.

I will attest. Mid 50s here, with friends similar age or a bit older. We went through it and witnessed it with close friends…and the menopause and manopause (men go thru hormone stuff too).

We all weathered it and at drinks and dinner with 2 of our best couple friends could all joke about that time now. It’s like you go through some crazy battle - the bottom of the U. We are all empty nest now (well my last is a senior in HS) and really calm and happy now. Lots of new hobbies, trips, etc

This. Longtime neighbor friends - the other 2 couples we are very close with who weathered babies to now empty nest now seem so content, wise and happy. We now all get together a lot and I can’t describe it- but the change from those “heavy kid” years to now—-it’s nice to look back - it’s like older, wiser people watching a former version and seeing lessons learned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP good for you. Don't join the group of miserable women who stay for whatever fill in the blank reasons.

Don't dream your best life. Instead LIVE your best luck.

I wish my mom left my dad, but she made up a million reasons to stay. Unfortunately she has a lot of company on this forum. There are a lot successful, attractive and wealthy women on this forum and yet they stay in miserable marriages acting as if they can't rebuild a better life for themselves.

Oh boy I'm sure I just triggered a bunch of them

Many people move on from cheating and have happy and joy filled marriages. Come on now, you are the one that sounds bitter and crazy. The quality of the relationship prior to cheating matters.

It sounds like OP’s situation is untenable, likely he continues to cheat or didn’t show remorse or change. That’s tough to come to terms that the only freedom and happiness is to get out- rip off the band-aid.

I’m 55 and in a world of “gray divorces” due to cheating. I’ve seen 5 recently - neighbors, acquaintances, friends. 4 out of 5 the cheater didn’t want to stay, zero remorse and left. The other one was a confession and lots of work. They seem very happy now (good friend)- can even talk about “that time”. A lot of marriages hit rough patches 42-49 or so., even those w/out cheating.

I will attest. Mid 50s here, with friends similar age or a bit older. We went through it and witnessed it with close friends…and the menopause and manopause (men go thru hormone stuff too).

We all weathered it and at drinks and dinner with 2 of our best couple friends could all joke about that time now. It’s like you go through some crazy battle - the bottom of the U. We are all empty nest now (well my last is a senior in HS) and really calm and happy now. Lots of new hobbies, trips, etc

Anonymous wrote:OP good for you. Don't join the group of miserable women who stay for whatever fill in the blank reasons.

Don't dream your best life. Instead LIVE your best luck.

I wish my mom left my dad, but she made up a million reasons to stay. Unfortunately she has a lot of company on this forum. There are a lot successful, attractive and wealthy women on this forum and yet they stay in miserable marriages acting as if they can't rebuild a better life for themselves.

Oh boy I'm sure I just triggered a bunch of them

Many people move on from cheating and have happy and joy filled marriages. Come on now, you are the one that sounds bitter and crazy. The quality of the relationship prior to cheating matters.

It sounds like OP’s situation is untenable, likely he continues to cheat or didn’t show remorse or change. That’s tough to come to terms that the only freedom and happiness is to get out- rip off the band-aid.

I’m 55 and in a world of “gray divorces” due to cheating. I’ve seen 5 recently - neighbors, acquaintances, friends. 4 out of 5 the cheater didn’t want to stay, zero remorse and left. The other one was a confession and lots of work. They seem very happy now (good friend)- can even talk about “that time”. A lot of marriages hit rough patches 42-49 or so., even those w/out cheating.

Hey OP on a positive note you can now join the line of older women f**g younger men.

There’s nothing you can really do to prepare, OP. I’m sorry. It’s a devastating experience, but you will get through it. Wishing you peace and comfort and as happy a holiday season as possible.

OP good for you. Don't join the group of miserable women who stay for whatever fill in the blank reasons.

Don't dream your best life. Instead LIVE your best luck.

I wish my mom left my dad, but she made up a million reasons to stay. Unfortunately she has a lot of company on this forum. There are a lot successful, attractive and wealthy women on this forum and yet they stay in miserable marriages acting as if they can't rebuild a better life for themselves.

Oh boy I'm sure I just triggered a bunch of them

I saw divorce coming from a mile away. Cheating was harder emotionally even though I thought 'most men cheat'.
Getting out was the best part. 30 years? I would have been out long ago. Leave that old man.

Be prepared for it to be awful for a while. Then it will slowly get better until it gets a lot better.

I have a lot of empathy OP but you start new threads every few days and it's frankly getting tiresome.

I mean, ask your therapist how to emotionally prepare - this is part of what they're there for.

Do what you gotta’ do.

Maybe lean into your friends you do have local & close by.
You got this.

I cant bear to stay with my cheating spouse anymore, and am working on gathering documents for separation. I am scared to death just thinking of this transition (together for almost 3 decades), and although I have a lawyer, I just dont know how to prepare emotionally-also considering I will be with the kids (older teens-one in college). My therapist pointed out i am trying to talk myself out of it. I am prepared to take a financial hit but the emotional hit scares me. I dont have any family around to lean on, but do have a decent federal job.