Don’t force your kid to have a DJ. It could cast a pall over the entire bar mitzvah process if he’s dreading the DJ. You didn’t mention if he even wants the big party? A more low key party might be better for him.

Talk with the DJ companies and explain what you want. Meet with the DJ/Emcee prior to the event and explain, remind the day of. It'll be fine

We just had light background music at our wedding and skipped the dance. Neither of us or our parents would have enjoyed it. People kept saying they loved our reception because they could hear and talk. Of course that was not the 13 you are olds... Maybe more like an MC than a DJ?

Could it be a DJ that’s more mellow / sophisticated vs the typical MC/game director Thinking the music at a 50th anniversary party. That said, I’m not really sure how you do big party without music.

there seems to be a big disconnect, does he want a big party or is he just following a norm/expecation? (My DC had an intimate family only BM)

My son is having his Bar Mitzvah next December. He wants a big party (Casino theme) but he really does not want a DJ because he does not want it to be too loud. I want a DJ to be there to help move the evening along and make sure all kids are engaged. Has anyone worked with a DJ that is great with understanding neurodivergent kids and their needs?