Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d assume it’s gymnastics. Stop taking this competitive sport so seriously. I get it’s mostly the other girl but try to figure out why your daughter. It’s probably her mother is starting it by speaking negatively about your daughter when they’re alone.

Don’t take it seriously and stay away from this mother. Remember by high school 95% of the these tiny 10 year olds will have moved on from competitive gymnastics.

Not necessarily coming from the other girl's mom. When my daughter was doing gymnastics the girls would absolutely size each other up. They had in their minds who was best and who wasn't and they noticed and resented when other girls surpassed them or gained skills quicker. They would absolutely be jealous if they felt someone was getting ahead of them.

It’s the mothers. They set the tone. Of course the kids know who is doing the best. They have eyes. It’s up to the parents to teach them good sportsmanship and how it doesn’t define them based on who can flip higher than the other.

If one of the girls got top score did you go up to the girl and tell her how much you enjoyed her routine? Lead by example. It does make a difference e.

It stinks but you've got to let these things blow over if your kid plans to stay in this sport. Like others, I assume it's cheer, dance, or gymnastics and this situation will present itself for as long as she's competing.

Anonymous wrote:I’d assume it’s gymnastics. Stop taking this competitive sport so seriously. I get it’s mostly the other girl but try to figure out why your daughter. It’s probably her mother is starting it by speaking negatively about your daughter when they’re alone.

Don’t take it seriously and stay away from this mother. Remember by high school 95% of the these tiny 10 year olds will have moved on from competitive gymnastics.

Not necessarily coming from the other girl's mom. When my daughter was doing gymnastics the girls would absolutely size each other up. They had in their minds who was best and who wasn't and they noticed and resented when other girls surpassed them or gained skills quicker. They would absolutely be jealous if they felt someone was getting ahead of them.

They are both girls, why are you trying to be vague when you gave it away anyway?

I think it takes courage, but it is always best to confront people directly. I’d talk to the other mom in a non-judgmental way and say what you have noticed and that you are confused and sad about it. I’d say I wanted to keep my kid out of social stress and that all the kids should be supported. Just put it on the table and see what happens. I’d also say that your child is in this sport for the exercise and fun and discipline and that you aren’t worried about her outdoing others. You’re not wanting to rank kids, just have a positive experience.

If some kid was being unkind to my kid, I’d directly ask them about it in a calm and firm voice. I’d ask what’s going on? When you approach people in a questioning way they feel less attacked and defensive. For the other kid I’d emphasize that you’ve always thought she’s a great kid and is there something going on that you can help with? If it continues, I’d alert the coach. It would help for the coach to talk about competition among the kids in a general way to all the families.

Anonymous wrote:The mean girl situation is tragic, yet commonplace.

The closest thing to a “fix” is for your DD to have different sets of friends in different places (school, neighborhood, church / temple, sports, whatever else). That way, if one environment turns difficult, she still has other friends other places (not in sports). It is very important not to have all the friendship investment in one place.

+1
But stop labeling children. Describe behavior but not labels. The girl is behaving mean - give her the chance and scope to change. The girl is mean doesn’t. Children change at lot and she might just be trying on a different personality as many children do. She might also be jealous that her mom is telling her this at home and feels inferior.

Must be gymnastics, cheer, or dance.

You can’t “do” much other than this girl touching your child’s belongings (whatever that means). How many kids are in this activity? Tell your child to ignore the mean girl. Obviously, no more social dinners.

My 9yo DD had something similar happen to her. She had a good friend who we would carpool with, hang out before and before practice, birthday parties, etc. My DD is still worse in the activity but catching up fast and will likely surpass her friend. I don’t know if it is because my daughter is getting better. That doesn’t seem like the only reason because there are other girls who are better but they weren’t close friends.

I focused on other friends and now they are cordial/friendly. It was a bit awkward with mom for a few months but now we are like friendly acquaintances again. We don’t carpool and no hanging out or eating together.

Anonymous wrote:I need advice on how to handle this situation. My child does a competitive sport and sees another girl every day. They used to get along well. They traveled to competitions together but a couple of weeks ago the girl suddenly began ignoring my child, giving her attitude, moving her things away on purpose, and acting extra friendly with everyone else, especially my child’s friends. They’re both 10; the other girl is physically more mature and competes one level higher in one category. My child has recently started catching up in skill, and that’s when the behavior began. Her mom constantly compares them and says my child is going to surpass hers. The families used to be close. We had dinners, birthdays, visits. Open conflict is not an option. Today even the coach noticed and asked my child about it. What should we do?

These two issues should be reported.

Anonymous wrote:I’d assume it’s gymnastics. Stop taking this competitive sport so seriously. I get it’s mostly the other girl but try to figure out why your daughter. It’s probably her mother is starting it by speaking negatively about your daughter when they’re alone.

Don’t take it seriously and stay away from this mother. Remember by high school 95% of the these tiny 10 year olds will have moved on from competitive gymnastics.

I thought the same thing. It's a weird and competitive subculture, for sure.

I’d assume it’s gymnastics. Stop taking this competitive sport so seriously. I get it’s mostly the other girl but try to figure out why your daughter. It’s probably her mother is starting it by speaking negatively about your daughter when they’re alone.

Don’t take it seriously and stay away from this mother. Remember by high school 95% of the these tiny 10 year olds will have moved on from competitive gymnastics.

The mean girl situation is tragic, yet commonplace.

The closest thing to a “fix” is for your DD to have different sets of friends in different places (school, neighborhood, church / temple, sports, whatever else). That way, if one environment turns difficult, she still has other friends other places (not in sports). It is very important not to have all the friendship investment in one place.

Not much you can do, unfortunately. "Doing" something tends to make it worse. Let it blow over. They probably won't be friends or friendly again, but the worst of it will pass.

I need advice on how to handle this situation. My child does a competitive sport and sees another girl every day. They used to get along well. They traveled to competitions together but a couple of weeks ago the girl suddenly began ignoring my child, giving her attitude, moving her things away on purpose, and acting extra friendly with everyone else, especially my child’s friends. They’re both 10; the other girl is physically more mature and competes one level higher in one category. My child has recently started catching up in skill, and that’s when the behavior began. Her mom constantly compares them and says my child is going to surpass hers. The families used to be close. We had dinners, birthdays, visits. Open conflict is not an option. Today even the coach noticed and asked my child about it. What should we do?