Anonymous wrote:Op please don’t divorce. Both of you get marriage counseling and work it out. Kids deserve married parents and a stable life

+1

It will really harm the kids.

A lot like what you did, until he just started flaking and not showing up. It only really worked for about 6 months. Then it was all me all the time.

Divorce
My parents did when I was around eight.
One parent moved into vacation home.. The other remained in the family home.

Parents were happier. Cordial. No bitter divorce. Both are remarried w no new children.

Life moves on.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce

+1

Don’t divorce

Op please don’t divorce. Both of you get marriage counseling and work it out. Kids deserve married parents and a stable life

Anonymous wrote:Seems like it’d be less work just to stay together

+1 we separated in place when the kids were under 3. We eat all of our meals together, and hey know they can find Daddy in the guest house or hang out there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well he worked at night and slept during the day so I did almost all the parenting. He’d get home around 4-5am and get in bed, I’d get out 2-3 hours later.

We didn’t do separated but living together. I moved out with the kids like a week after we agreed we were splitting up. We told the kids the day after we agreed.

What do you tell them in words they will understand? Or is that impossible? I worry they honestly won’t care.

I didn’t bother telling the baby. Told the preschooler “we’re going to stay here!” and since older siblings were going and happy, she was happy. She slowly figured it out and was actually the only kid later upset about it, because she hadn’t understood how bad things were.

Of course these small kids won’t know what the word “divorce” means. You tell them that your dad and you both love them, but you will be living in separate houses and that they will get to decorate their own room and get special toys to keep in the second house. Just get your ducks in a row and then tell them exactly what is happening with the logistics of their lives. That is what they care about — when will they see each of you, where will they sleep, etc.

Why are you divorcing?

Anonymous wrote:Well he worked at night and slept during the day so I did almost all the parenting. He’d get home around 4-5am and get in bed, I’d get out 2-3 hours later.

We didn’t do separated but living together. I moved out with the kids like a week after we agreed we were splitting up. We told the kids the day after we agreed.

What do you tell them in words they will understand? Or is that impossible? I worry they honestly won’t care.

Well he worked at night and slept during the day so I did almost all the parenting. He’d get home around 4-5am and get in bed, I’d get out 2-3 hours later.

We didn’t do separated but living together. I moved out with the kids like a week after we agreed we were splitting up. We told the kids the day after we agreed.

Seems like it’d be less work just to stay together

What did your parenting look like before one of you moved out?

We have a 5.5yo, a 4yo, and a 2.5yo. They can’t comprehend any of this, and until things are finalized, for us, it looks like this:

In the very beginning we were sleeping on the couch, alternating, after the kids were asleep and woke before they did.

Gradually he’s spending more nights at his parent’s house (down the road) for now. He stays there 3-5 nights a week, leaving after they are in bed, and either coming before they wake if he’s taking them to school, or “went to work early”. Some nights he is “staying at work late”. Sometimes on Saturday nights he takes them for the night at his parents, and they just think it’s a sleepover for them, but dad is staying.

We do typical “parenting” things together, like evening activities, dinner, bedtime routine, but we are definitely “separating” more, as time passes. Like we alternate taking them to swim lessons, so the other can have a break and the house to themself. We are trying.

I’m just wondering what it eventually looks like, while you are actively divorcing. I feel like I have no idea what this should look like, what it looks like for others. So I’m curious what it looked like for you.