Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could say “It’s been an honor watching you grow into the amazing person you have become,” but I wouldn’t reference getting help.

This is the correct answer.

+1

Keep it positive, recognize him and his mom. Best revenge is to pretend the dad doesn’t even exist. Don’t taint the moment by making him think about his jerk dad. That would be about you venting your own feelings, and this isn’t about you. If you really want to vent, then as a PP suggested, say something privately to the dad. But best thing is to just pretend he doesn’t exist, because he doesn’t matter at this point.

Congrats to your cousin!

I like the idea of recognizing mom. I grew up with a single mom (dad was not invited though), and mentioned how she was my mom and dad growing up and some other stuff. You could similarly praise her and the groom together, and not mention dad at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could say “It’s been an honor watching you grow into the amazing person you have become,” but I wouldn’t reference getting help.

Agree, and you can add "I am so proud of you" if you wish. Those who know what you mean will understand. And if they don't know, it's not worth airing all the dirty laundry on the wedding day.

Agree. If you want to sneak something in, and I wouldn’t, you could reference the mom, assuming she wasn’t deadbeat. But why bring up negative things? It’s not about the deadbeat dad knowing he failed. It’s about the groom remembering sad memories on a happy and special occasion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could say “It’s been an honor watching you grow into the amazing person you have become,” but I wouldn’t reference getting help.

This is the correct answer.

Agree.

You don't need to say any of that celebrate him in the couple.
Your need to stick it to the deadbeat can wait for another day.
Keep in mind deadbeat was invited.

I think if you want to stick the knife in the deadbeat dad you can go talk to him directly, after your speech which doesn't mention him. He doesn't deserve a mention.

Seems okay.

Anonymous wrote:You could say “It’s been an honor watching you grow into the amazing person you have become,” but I wouldn’t reference getting help.

Agree, and you can add "I am so proud of you" if you wish. Those who know what you mean will understand. And if they don't know, it's not worth airing all the dirty laundry on the wedding day.

My mom is wired to say things about how far you've come without sensitivity for time/place. She is so sincere in her intent but ive seen people (and have been hurt) by it. Imagine on graduation day when you are proud and happy, her sharing a painful and private moment. "Remember when you were going to drop out freshman year!! You did it! Cheers to the graduate!"


No everyone there knows this history. Say what you want to directly, but up there focus on your admiration for him, not the circumstances.

Anonymous wrote:You could say “It’s been an honor watching you grow into the amazing person you have become,” but I wouldn’t reference getting help.

This is the correct answer.

You could say “It’s been an honor watching you grow into the amazing person you have become,” but I wouldn’t reference getting help.

Ask your cousin.

Just say “I am so proud of you.” They know what you mean.

Im giving a speech at my cousin's (massive) wedding soon. He grew up with a dead beat dad that left very early and never had any custody or paid child support, just randomly dropped in to manipulate and restir up abandonment trauma for the kids every so often.

My cousin put himself in therapy at 18, just made partner at his firm, is the BEST dad who constantly researches parenting and studies and learned to be emotionally available and Im just so insanely proud of him from where he came from.

Can I say something like "it has been an honor watching you grow into the person you needed" or "what a feat to put in 20 years of self work to make yourself the person your kid and wife deserve"

The deadbeat dad will be at the wedding.