That's a tough situation. We went through a similar situation with our Lab mix. She was just over 9 and was diagnosed with bladder cancer.

It was manageable for a period of time, but her condition became untenable. She was having leakage issues, even with the diapers. Just wasn't herself although she still was eating. She would wakeup in the middle of the night, I would let her out, just a lot. This was on top of having two kids that were 7 and 4 plus a new young dog.

We made the tough decision to have her put down. Looking back on it, while it was really hard, it was the right choice.

All the best to you.

I love all the doggos but another vote for put the dog down. We all don't live to our life expectancy.

I had a lovely doggo decades ago- mid-sized breed life expectancy 15 and she sadly only lived half that. They can play together beyond the rainbow bridge.

Is the incontinence pee or poop? If it’s pee, I’d put a diaper on her. When you say quality of life not good, does she still enjoy meals and pets? Is she in pain? Our golden had a lot of issues his last couple years — his mobility was bad. But he still loved to eat and seemed happy to just lie around near us and not get up much. There’s a big difference between that and a dog who is just miserable all the time. When your husband is home is he spending time with her? I’m wondering if he doesn’t realize she is unhappy. I’d start there, if you really think she’s unhappy.

The expensive food is, I think, just par for the course. There might be some cheaper options if it’s really a hardship. Like maybe on the weekend your husband could make a big pot of brown rice with pumpkin or green beans or carrots and ground turkey. If you buy the large family quantities you can get turkey for pretty cheap and you can just cook it in a slow cooker or big pot and freeze portion.

Put the dog down, but I totally get it as far as the spouse.

What I would do if I were you is set up the house to make it easier. Put down a big sheet of linoleum and use a baby gate to contain the dog. Buy a robot feeder. Use pee pads (they sell washable ones).

Hopefully something will give and it won’t go on for three years but if it is going to go on even another six months, it’s worth doing the set up to make it live able.

When DH agrees to let her go, you now can get vets who come to the house if you want. Or you can go to your vet if the dog doesn't find that upsetting.

Our vet said "her shell wore out before her spirit did."

Dogs understand when you're happy/unhappy. If the dog's maintenance routine and expenses are causing you strife, the dog knows.

It's okay to put your dog down for cause. This is cause. You don't have to spend money you may or may not have trying to prolong the life of an animal who is no longer happily himself/herself. It really is okay to give them a really great last day and a good death. Letting them go a little too soon, while they're still happy, is preferable to making them stay to long and putting them down a bit too late.

"Her quality of life is not good..." There's your answer.

Put the poor dog down. Sounds like she is likely suffering more than you are with these issues.

This is a marital issue. If your dog doesn’t have a good quality of life and has no prospect of improvement, you shouldn’t feel guilty for putting the dog down.

Looking for advice/sympathy/words from anyone who has been here. Our dog is 9yo with a breed life expectancy of ~13yo. In the last year she has developed a host of chronic issues requiring very expensive food spread out over many small meals a day, constant access to the outdoors (even with going >10x a day, we are still having multiple accidents a week - previously house trained), sleep disruptions, and lots of medications. I work from home (spouse works in office), and this is taking a toll on me as I am having to take constant breaks from my work to attend to her.

If we continue to spend a ton (hundreds a month in food and meds, let alone vet visits every couple months) and keep up this level of care, she could easily live 3+ more years. Her quality of life is not good, but spouse is too attached to consider rehoming or putting her down, and makes me feel like a monster for considering these things. What say DCUM? When we got a dog I of course knew she would grow old, but I didn't WFH at the time and also did not anticipate years upon years of very high-level and costly care.