Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Half his retirement fund, half the joint account, plus alimony since you're not working and child support for your child. Did he not think he was going to split retirement with you when you got married? Without a pre-nup, you should assume he intended for you to have half of any money he came in with.

OP here - a few more details:
1. We did have a prenup that stated we would each take out what we brought in, and divide whatever we earned during the marriage. It expired after 5 years.
2. I am initiating the divorce, due to his behavior, but he has never been unfaithful or dishonest, not that it necessarily matters.
3. I really do not want to leave him in the lurch, but maybe that's my guilt talking.

I would honor the prenup in this case. Let him keep his money assuming you have full control over custody matters. Being a decent human is important for the kid.

Rare case on DCUM but OP sounds decent to me. Hopefully husband is as well. He is older than you OP so he may feel skittish about money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honor the prenup basically to be a decent human being.

OP here - this is what I'm thinking. He will push back on determining what he contributed and yielded on his retirement in the last 13 years, but I think he should.

I strongly disagree. There is a reason someone put an expiration date on the prenup and the other person agreed to the expiration date. The prenup no longer exists. It’s completely irrelevant. This was not a very short marriage and there’s a child involved. There’s no benefit to walking away from money you’re legally entitled to.

That’s not to say that you should push for half his retirement savings prior to your marriage. You don’t need to be vindictive, but you also don’t need to pretend you still have a prenup in effect. Just be fair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Half his retirement fund, half the joint account, plus alimony since you're not working and child support for your child. Did he not think he was going to split retirement with you when you got married? Without a pre-nup, you should assume he intended for you to have half of any money he came in with.

OP here - a few more details:
1. We did have a prenup that stated we would each take out what we brought in, and divide whatever we earned during the marriage. It expired after 5 years.
2. I am initiating the divorce, due to his behavior, but he has never been unfaithful or dishonest, not that it necessarily matters.
3. I really do not want to leave him in the lurch, but maybe that's my guilt talking.

I would honor the prenup in this case. Let him keep his money assuming you have full control over custody matters. Being a decent human is important for the kid.

Obviously you need a lawyer to advise you on what you’re entitled to and what you reasonably might get if this went to trial. Start out negotiating higher than you’d be likely to get and don’t go substantially lower than what your attorney is very confident you would get.

As a lay person, it seems to me like you should get half the jointly owned marital assets, child support according to your state’s child support calculator, and short term alimony until you can get back on your feet financially. I don’t know if his retirement savings prior to your marriage is a marital asset, but at the very least, you should each walk away from the marriage with 50% of the amount by which his and your retirement accounts increased during the marriage.

Anonymous wrote:I would honor the prenup basically to be a decent human being.

OP here - this is what I'm thinking. He will push back on determining what he contributed and yielded on his retirement in the last 13 years, but I think he should.

I would honor the prenup basically to be a decent human being.

Go with prenup even though it expired

Anonymous wrote:Half his retirement fund, half the joint account, plus alimony since you're not working and child support for your child. Did he not think he was going to split retirement with you when you got married? Without a pre-nup, you should assume he intended for you to have half of any money he came in with.

3/4 of his retirement account is pre-marriage so that isn’t even negotiable legally

I agree you're not really entitled to what he saved up before you met. I'd probably ask for 200,000 of the non-retirement funds plus generous child support.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Half his retirement fund, half the joint account, plus alimony since you're not working and child support for your child. Did he not think he was going to split retirement with you when you got married? Without a pre-nup, you should assume he intended for you to have half of any money he came in with.

OP here - a few more details:
1. We did have a prenup that stated we would each take out what we brought in, and divide whatever we earned during the marriage. It expired after 5 years.
2. I am initiating the divorce, due to his behavior, but he has never been unfaithful or dishonest, not that it necessarily matters.
3. I really do not want to leave him in the lurch, but maybe that's my guilt talking.

How much were in the accounts when you married?

Here is what we have:

$670K non-retirement funds between us ($40K mine, $400K his, $230K in a joint account)
About $1.5M retirement funds between us ($285K mine, $1.2M his)

Non- retirement….
You keep $50K, he keeps $400K, you split the $230k

He earned 3/4 of the retirement pre you. .25 is marital … that is $375k/2 is $187k is yours

You earned 1/2 of your during marriage… $142k so $71k is his.

187-71 is 116k.

If you think the $400k is partially yours .25*400K is 100k … 1/2 is yours $50K…

I’d say no more than $150k from the funds plus 1/2 of the $$230.

This doesn’t include house, or child support.

Anonymous wrote:Half his retirement fund, half the joint account, plus alimony since you're not working and child support for your child. Did he not think he was going to split retirement with you when you got married? Without a pre-nup, you should assume he intended for you to have half of any money he came in with.

OP here - a few more details:
1. We did have a prenup that stated we would each take out what we brought in, and divide whatever we earned during the marriage. It expired after 5 years.
2. I am initiating the divorce, due to his behavior, but he has never been unfaithful or dishonest, not that it necessarily matters.
3. I really do not want to leave him in the lurch, but maybe that's my guilt talking.

Half his retirement fund, half the joint account, plus alimony since you're not working and child support for your child. Did he not think he was going to split retirement with you when you got married? Without a pre-nup, you should assume he intended for you to have half of any money he came in with.

Please see a lawyer.

We met and married later in life (me late 30s, him about 50). Thirteen years later, we are divorcing. We have one child, in elementary school. We want to do this without lawyers. There are no disagreements about dividing property, but he is afraid I'm going to take him to the cleaners, which I don't intend to do. Still, I am not sure what is a fair division of our money. He doesn't think I'm entitled to any of his retirement funds, since he had already saved a lot of it (probably most) before we met. He is mid-60s, self-employed, has variable income (not much lately), and no inheritance coming. I am 50, stopped working 18 months ago to care for family, and do expect some inheritance eventually (not f$#%-you money, but maybe around $2M).

Here is what we have:

$670K non-retirement funds between us ($40K mine, $400K his, $230K in a joint account)
About $1.5M retirement funds between us ($285K mine, $1.2M his)

The money conversation is already contentious, because of his fear of losing what he worked for before we met, but he told me to "tell him what I want" as a starting point. I don't even know where to begin.