Anonymous wrote:I’m not certain whyyour son was “crushed” - did you react very strongly to your mother’s lackluster response to his news? Is he more impacted by your strong emotion, perhaps? Presumably he got wonderful feedback from family and friends for such an amazing accomplishment. His expectations of her should be tempered; he’s old enough to understand her condition, and cognitive changes that impact her behavior. Disappointed or sad, I understand. But crushed?

Congratulations to your son.

Would it have been OK with you if a girl were crushed or perhaps a younger person? 19-year-old males are allowed to be sensitive. Both my teenage son and daughter were devastated by my mother's behavior and lack of interest to the point we could not have them around her. It's hard for me as an adult to process it and she was awful before aging, just not this bad. Sometimes that is part of it I think. You had to adjust to the fact you had a challenging parent/grandparent all along and you had your strategies but were at your limit. Then they get worse and it's just too much no matter how many times people tell you it's just the brain deterioration. That's why sometimes you need to outsource even more because it's not painful to a stranger and it's easier for them to just see it as a brain issue.

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to visit. And your 19 year old son should know not to count on her support. My kids knew from a young age that my mother is not to be trusted with her words.

This. My mom doesn’t ask about my kids and when I rarely tell her that we did such and such fur their sport she will say ugggh I don’t miss those days. So I have severely limited my kids time with her.

I’m not certain whyyour son was “crushed” - did you react very strongly to your mother’s lackluster response to his news? Is he more impacted by your strong emotion, perhaps? Presumably he got wonderful feedback from family and friends for such an amazing accomplishment. His expectations of her should be tempered; he’s old enough to understand her condition, and cognitive changes that impact her behavior. Disappointed or sad, I understand. But crushed?

Congratulations to your son.

Yes, meds can help. is this dementia or is this just the worsening of a challenging behavior or both? No matter what it is, meds may help. Sometimes it's just anti-anxiety, but it may get bad enough for something like a combo of anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic. It's individual, but it can make such a difference. Will she take the meds consistently? Is there someone to make sure she does? If she is considered competent and refuses to stay on meds, the cycle of going on and off (especially when they ignore doctor's orders and don't gradually go off) can be really awful and scary.

In the mid stages of dementia my mom became paranoid and occasionally mean though mostly just self absorbed, and unable to empathize or think about others as she was consumed by her own unraveling. Oddly, in later stages she was able to express more love and appreciation even though her ability to speak and make sense had declined.

Pleaser know this is normal in dementia although it can be very distressing.

My mother with relatively moderate dementia is like this. This type of behavior started long before we got an official dementia diagnosis. It is so draining. Sadly in her case meds have not helped. I feel you pain, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to visit. And your 19 year old son should know not to count on her support. My kids knew from a young age that my mother is not to be trusted with her words.

This. She is not herself at this point but nursing home staff is trained to handle this, jet them do it. Visit just to show them that your mother has someone checking on her. Don’t spend time with her and let go of any expectation of normalcy

Wow

Yes normal with dementia. My grandmother accused me of all sorts of things but I was 3,000 miles away. You need an evaluation. Also, many elderly patients are on antidepressants

That's normal with dementia.

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to visit. And your 19 year old son should know not to count on her support. My kids knew from a young age that my mother is not to be trusted with her words.

This. She is not herself at this point but nursing home staff is trained to handle this, jet them do it. Visit just to show them that your mother has someone checking on her. Don’t spend time with her and let go of any expectation of normalcy

You don't need to visit. And your 19 year old son should know not to count on her support. My kids knew from a young age that my mother is not to be trusted with her words.

Anger can be a symptom of depression. It's not uncommon for older people to need antidepressants.

Needs Meds

As embarrassing as this is, it’s fairly common, particularly among dementia patients. Has she been checked for dementia?

My mom seems to have just two emotions left: fear (paranoia) and anger. I’m finding this especially draining.

She wasn’t even sad when her last surviving sibling died. She doesn’t respond to any good news that she can’t put a bad spin on: DS (19) won a major art prize that comes with a spot in an exhibition and some scholarship money. She shrugged in a way that implied it was nothing. He was crushed.

She’s mean to everyone and I’m embarrassed when I visit her because of how she treats others in the nursing home. I call her out on it every time, but she has lost empathy and regret.

Is there a medication that can help this?