I love most of my family...
My mom always looks for fun stuff to do. If we are home she gets on the floor and plays games with the kids.
My aunt and uncle are very sweet and fuss over us.
My other aunt and uncle are interesting people. My one uncle decided to teach my 10 year old calculus!
My cousins are adventurous and plan fun things like tubing down a river.
My sister and BIL are overseas so whenever we're together it's a big deal and we're sightseeing.
The boring relatives (my dad, my ILs) prefer to sit and look at their phones. Basically don't do that and you're good.

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, we spent holidays and special events with my mom’s parents, who were local. We all really had fun. My parents are local now and their visits are not fun.

Regardless of what we do together, looking across those experiences what stands out is that my grandparents took a lot of pride in their roles as parents (to my adult mom) and grandparents. They fussed over us, made sure we were comfortable, asked about our lives. I really got to be a kid with them and my mom has also said they always made her feel supported and loved.

In contrast, I have been the parent to my parents for way, way too long now. They show little interest in parenting their adult kids and in grand parenting. It’s all about them.

DH and I try very hard to make sure our kids get to be kids and have talked about always wanting to maintain that feeling. That may not be exactly what you asked for, but IME (and from other families I’ve observed), what matters how you treat each other, not so much what you do together.

This is the answer. Don’t be an insufferable bore who talks about yourself constantly. My parents wanted to sit around and do nothing and have us listen to them talk. That wasn’t fun.

OP. Yes I am the adult daughter (and one day will be the elderly mother). My parents are in their late 60s.

with my inlaws: puzzles, listening to music, watching a football game or movie, board games, taking a walk (they like to go out with a trash bag and grabber and pick up litter), eating and cleaning up from eating, looking at holiday cards from relatives and family friends. We will often call a relative who lives elsewhere. It's a pretty mellow time.

My family is larger and more chaotic, with younger children present when we all get together. My goal when we get together is to have a special moment with each person, and I have tried to convince my mom of this--she is really into the idea of us doing something! special! all! together! and that often isn't practical with the number of people and their individual needs. But often a subset of us will get in the pool with my niece who loves swimming, or play mah jongg or a board game, or work together to cook a meal or run an errand, or just have a nice conversation. We have also had success with going to the zoo together...people often split up into smaller groups, but we start and end together and have something in common to talk about afterwards.

Growing up, we spent holidays and special events with my mom’s parents, who were local. We all really had fun. My parents are local now and their visits are not fun.

Regardless of what we do together, looking across those experiences what stands out is that my grandparents took a lot of pride in their roles as parents (to my adult mom) and grandparents. They fussed over us, made sure we were comfortable, asked about our lives. I really got to be a kid with them and my mom has also said they always made her feel supported and loved.

In contrast, I have been the parent to my parents for way, way too long now. They show little interest in parenting their adult kids and in grand parenting. It’s all about them.

DH and I try very hard to make sure our kids get to be kids and have talked about always wanting to maintain that feeling. That may not be exactly what you asked for, but IME (and from other families I’ve observed), what matters how you treat each other, not so much what you do together.

Early 40s here from a large family. Holidays usually include about 20- 30 family members currently ranging in age from 3 - 70 years old: children, spouses, cousins, siblings, aunts, uncles and parents.

We usually catch up on school, work, younger children's milestones and a lot of idle gossip. We sing and dance, listen to music, play games etc. Every household brings a dish so the host does not have too much work.

We do some family traditions that are the same each year, we try to accommodate my parents (getting older) and the teens by doing things we can all do, like the movies. We play board games but also don't require every person to do every single thing - we are flexible and if people want to nap, or take a walk or make a phone call, we are all ok with that and that makes our family more relaxed than others. That said, we mostly all enjoy spending time together.

We get hammered and goof around with the kids and the dogs.

We talk, eat, sometimes mom will accompany me on a short walk with the dog. Last week mom helped with Thanksgiving prep, before Christmas she'll help me bake cookies. Not because I need help, but because we enjoy each other's company. Mostly just sitting around and talking. When the kids were little they would play with them (puzzles, read books, play a game, watch excitedly as they did something I had watched a million times before)

Once my parents were 80, they enjoyed others sitting in the room with them but often each of us doing our own thing. My Mother would read! Read a book. But I knew she liked me there, loved me there. But she didn't want the pressure of conversation, not too much conversation.

pp again. What are the ages, of you. Of your parents?

For my in-laws the key is to keep it to 4 hours. 4 max. They live locally so not usually an issue.
My family live overseas, we all enjoy playing card games, DD, my brother and our spouses, his kids, and our parents. Also going for walks together. Although parents are getting too old to walk like they used to.

OP, I don't quite understand -- are you the adult daughter?

Part of it is managing the rhythm of the day. Some time together, some time apart. Mixing it up, if there are lots of family around. Go on walks with different ones, errands. Mingle. Spend time, some alone time, with each person, if you get along. We all watch a movie together in the evening.

Particularly parents. I’m trying to enjoy mine more, and I want to be the parent whose company is enjoyed when my kids are grown.