What is the plan for selling the hoarder house in a divorce? How exactly does that work if the house is unstaged and full of stuff?

I am on psychiatric disability (from Social Sec, which is the hardest to get) and I am less dysfunctional than your poor ex. Hygine (sp) going down the tubes during bouts of awfulness is a real thing that even as it happens to me I cannot explain. The cruelest aspect of mental problems is that the person feels like they should be able to control it, even when it has proven impossible time and again. BTW You sound like a real gem.

Such compassion to assume she is faking. She's already retirement age so why would she do this to get out of working? If she was driving kids everywhere it sounds like she may have been a SAHM or mommy tracked, it's not like there's going to be good jobs hiring a 60 year old who's been out of the workforce even if she wanted to work. And its not hard to believe at all that the pandemic aggravated anxiety and depression, leading to agoraphobia.

Maybe its the start of dementia? Either way, not nice to divorce her when she's suffering with something thats beyond her control. You should at least support her financially, she gave you her good years and children also!

I feel like faking mental illness to this degree IS some sort of mental illness. So.

My lawyer advised me to stay married bc spouse had mental illness. It was the only way to guarantee 100% custody

To the best of my knowledge, it really doesn’t make any difference anyway. Especially given the age.

Unless there is a prenup, 50/50 division of marital assets. And potentially alimony depending on the laws in your state. Whether she is or is not mentally ill really does not factor in.

Anonymous wrote:Claiming nearly complete functional incapacity, agoraphobia, inability to work or otherwise perform normal tasks, their house is a hoarder mess, I can see things that have been purchased new and never used. Does not shower. Wears same clothes to sleep and during the day. Socks don’t match.

She’s gross. She was 100% functional 10 years ago. Drove all across states to take our kids to things. Now she says she gets panic attacks just driving to fill a tank of gas and wants to be fully supported. We’re in our 60s and I think permanent support is ridiculous.

a) this doesn't sound fake, b) whether it's fake or real, why would it affect support? If she's too disabled to work, that's between her and the government. You owe her whatever you owe her by state law.

Anonymous wrote:Claiming nearly complete functional incapacity, agoraphobia, inability to work or otherwise perform normal tasks, their house is a hoarder mess, I can see things that have been purchased new and never used. Does not shower. Wears same clothes to sleep and during the day. Socks don’t match.

She’s gross. She was 100% functional 10 years ago. Drove all across states to take our kids to things. Now she says she gets panic attacks just driving to fill a tank of gas and wants to be fully supported. We’re in our 60s and I think permanent support is ridiculous.

People have breakdowns and crises. It happens. Maybe there's a small chance she's faking it, but most people are not abandoning basic hygiene just to stick it to their ex.

Not my spouse, but my BFF's spouse. And not in the divorce but after it. The wanted to marry the 15 yrs younger woman they had been cheating on my BFF with. They needed an annulment because the AP wanted to get married in the Catholic Church, and somehow claiming mental illness was going to be evidence of him not entering into the marriage with my BFF knowingly or something, and that was going to help him get the annulment so the AP could have the big church wedding she'd been dreaming of (probably even while he was married to my BFF).

Clearly not the same situation as yours, OP. But your spouse does seem mentally ill. Very much so. Get out of the marriage but have some compassion and give them as much of a cushion as you can.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a long term marriage if it included children who are now grown.

Split all retirement and other marriage assets 50/50. Then I would expect alimony and some sort of allowance for healthcare until retirement and age 65.

So, any pension is split 50/50, all IRAs and 401s split 50/50. Then set the alimony to enough to include a contribution to retirement.

Sell and split the house proceeds. Or negotiate a buy out of the house with other marriage assets.

Oh, and from your description, it doesn’t sound fake.

Pension isn't split 50/50. It's subject to a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO), which uses a formula.

Sounds like a long term marriage if it included children who are now grown.

Split all retirement and other marriage assets 50/50. Then I would expect alimony and some sort of allowance for healthcare until retirement and age 65.

So, any pension is split 50/50, all IRAs and 401s split 50/50. Then set the alimony to enough to include a contribution to retirement.

Sell and split the house proceeds. Or negotiate a buy out of the house with other marriage assets.

Oh, and from your description, it doesn’t sound fake.

That doesn’t sound like faking to me. And permanent support in this instance doesn’t sound unreasonable to me.

— Divorced man.

Hope you have a good lawyer.

Claiming nearly complete functional incapacity, agoraphobia, inability to work or otherwise perform normal tasks, their house is a hoarder mess, I can see things that have been purchased new and never used. Does not shower. Wears same clothes to sleep and during the day. Socks don’t match.

She’s gross. She was 100% functional 10 years ago. Drove all across states to take our kids to things. Now she says she gets panic attacks just driving to fill a tank of gas and wants to be fully supported. We’re in our 60s and I think permanent support is ridiculous.